: the quality, state, or degree of being stable: such as
a: the strength to stand or endure : FIRMNESS
b: the property of a body that causes it when disturbed from a condition of equilibrium or steady motion to develop forces or moments that restore the original condition
c: resistance to chemical change or to physical disintegration
Every year something changes .... every day something changes ... but over the past year I started to question the whole being "single ordeal". How it has changed me, how it continues to make me ask all the questions I should've been asking years ago and if I did maybe I wouldn't be single now.
This was my first year doing a "husband vision board" and YES I know that shit may sound crazy to some of you but trust me it's something that women do. In the mist of creating my vision board I had to plan it out, because on this board you are suppose to put characteristics of what you want in your spouse, images of the kind of things you will do together, goals as a couple and so much more. This board really opened my eyes, made me think deep down inside and actually come to realization that the stability I always wanted with someone whether it's financially, mentally, does he have goals, what's his game plan in life, etc. and so on .... & then as I considered all of those things I said to myself "girl are you stable?" Like be for real with yourself! Some of us are homeowners, have great jobs, know how to save money, and all that good jazz; but even though all of that is considered stability to some "are you truly stable?"
Truth be told money shouldn't ever be the deciding factor, in any relationship and for me personally it's NOT the absence of money; it's more so some men's lack of a plan or motivation to become financially stable. I’m a natural cheerleader by heart and if my heart is pure for you then I may even lend you money and teach you some things and root you on your quest to financial stability…but if someone isn’t motivated, how much longer should one stay in the stands cheering for them?
You begin to analyze other factors, determining your compatibility, writing out your pro's and con lists ... comparing personalities and so much more. I’m currently in those whole dating in your 30's phase, and I hate it with a "thug passion". (some will get it) I know that dating new people and getting to enjoy all the exciting “firsts” that come along with new relationships is supposed to be a fun time (trust me in your 30's it's total bullshit most days), but as someone who is just tired and ready to quit, I’m often too scared to dive in, for many reasons. I just don't want to find myself draining my resources (mental, financial, love, etc) to someone and get nothing in return because I can't get this energy back after I give it away. I believe in taking care of the people you love, and being taken care of back. I believe deserving women should be treated like a ~queen~ and showered with gifts or free meals (sorry this fast got me hungry, LOL). But I do believe in teamwork, and I most DEFINITELY believe in give-and-take.
Again, everyday is a learning process in this thing we call life. I’m still living and learning, and developing a more stable list of non-negotiable terms moving forward in any possible relationship I decide to engage in. But what I can say is that with all the thoughts, lessons learned, lessons learned from friends and their relationships and social media 5 lessons I gathered from it all is this:
This was my first year doing a "husband vision board" and YES I know that shit may sound crazy to some of you but trust me it's something that women do. In the mist of creating my vision board I had to plan it out, because on this board you are suppose to put characteristics of what you want in your spouse, images of the kind of things you will do together, goals as a couple and so much more. This board really opened my eyes, made me think deep down inside and actually come to realization that the stability I always wanted with someone whether it's financially, mentally, does he have goals, what's his game plan in life, etc. and so on .... & then as I considered all of those things I said to myself "girl are you stable?" Like be for real with yourself! Some of us are homeowners, have great jobs, know how to save money, and all that good jazz; but even though all of that is considered stability to some "are you truly stable?"
Truth be told money shouldn't ever be the deciding factor, in any relationship and for me personally it's NOT the absence of money; it's more so some men's lack of a plan or motivation to become financially stable. I’m a natural cheerleader by heart and if my heart is pure for you then I may even lend you money and teach you some things and root you on your quest to financial stability…but if someone isn’t motivated, how much longer should one stay in the stands cheering for them?
You begin to analyze other factors, determining your compatibility, writing out your pro's and con lists ... comparing personalities and so much more. I’m currently in those whole dating in your 30's phase, and I hate it with a "thug passion". (some will get it) I know that dating new people and getting to enjoy all the exciting “firsts” that come along with new relationships is supposed to be a fun time (trust me in your 30's it's total bullshit most days), but as someone who is just tired and ready to quit, I’m often too scared to dive in, for many reasons. I just don't want to find myself draining my resources (mental, financial, love, etc) to someone and get nothing in return because I can't get this energy back after I give it away. I believe in taking care of the people you love, and being taken care of back. I believe deserving women should be treated like a ~queen~ and showered with gifts or free meals (sorry this fast got me hungry, LOL). But I do believe in teamwork, and I most DEFINITELY believe in give-and-take.
Again, everyday is a learning process in this thing we call life. I’m still living and learning, and developing a more stable list of non-negotiable terms moving forward in any possible relationship I decide to engage in. But what I can say is that with all the thoughts, lessons learned, lessons learned from friends and their relationships and social media 5 lessons I gathered from it all is this:
- You shouldn’t choose someone to date based on whether or not they make "good money" and if you have a definition please explain what "good money" is to you ... but you should choose someone to date based on whether or not they have goals and aspirations. How and what are they doing with their money? Some people can make all this "good money" yet are sitting in debt ... (we can save this for another blog topic)
- It will never be your job to fix someone else’s financial mistakes. Or any other mistakes they make. You can be there to support them, and you can even help them clean up their mess if you want – but it isn’t your responsibility. NEVER EVER ... let me repeat that one just in case someone skimmed right over it .... It will never be your job to fix someone else’s financial mistakes. Or any other mistakes they make. You can be there to support them, and you can even help them clean up their mess if you want – but it isn’t your responsibility.
- If the person you are dating makes you feel shitty about what you do for a living ... well I shouldn't have to say it but they may not be the person for you. Shit, I have friends who feel they have shitty jobs and as a friend I tell them they shouldn't stay, I offer to fix their resumes, hell I even send them job listings to help them get out!!! And if someone you are trying to "be with" can't even offer you support well ... you already know what I am going to say. PERIOD !!!
- If you ever spend money on your partner because you think you need to in order to gain their affection/forgiveness/attention, your relationships just as unhealthy as a double stacked bacon burger with onion rings on top and bbq sauce on a toasted bun (urgh ... sorry the fast again LMAO but you got the picture right?) But let me be clear because I am not against buying my man gifts, whatsoever !!! Hell my friends get random gifts from me in the mail almost every month ... or a random cashapp$ and my note may say "lunch on me today!" but please don't ever and I mean EVER EVER EVER find yourself spending money on him left and right to try and impress him, or prove to him that him that you are worthy. (here Queen let me help adjust your crown it was slipping, but I got you!) and last but oh baby definitely not the least ....
- If something feels wrong, it probably is. When you spend time with people who are treating you right and truly being good to you, you really realize the little red flags that you missed with the fuck boys I have been told that in good relationships, you really do feel fuckin' good. If someone is treating you right,you aren't worried about if they are cheating on you, or being dishonest with you. In a healthy relationship, you shouldn't ever feel like someone is slipping from your grip, and forcing you into overdrive and draining all your energy on trying to prove them otherwise. When someone is treating you right, your chakras are in alignment. If you don’t feel that way, it might be time to reevaluate.
