FAKING IT

How many of us are still out here faking it? Let's be honest now !!!

I am in my thirties and yet I am still out here faking it. And quick to tell someone it was good when it was just okay. I think I have become so prone to faking it throughout my twenties that if by chance it is good, it is all the same. Now if it is great, there is no faking it whatsoever from me, I may shed a little tear, my inner thigh may swell up, or my toes may cramp up like I have gout. (no judgement here ladies and gentleman).

I read somewhere that single women are more inclined to faking it, because they don't feel comfortable enough asking their partner for what they want or how they like it. Sometimes, women fake it so much to make the man feel great about himself; but ladies this is the reality - WE NEED TO BE THE ONE'S FEELING GREAT !!! You can't keep going with the flow like you're into it but not necessarily coming (get it). Are you faking it because you're tired and what it to be over? Raise your hand if you're guilty and been there just like everyone else. I came across an article that read something like, "70% of women do not experience orgasm during intercourse, compared to the vast majority of men (90%) who do!" Honestly speaking it takes time for a women to figure out that magic with their partner to stimulate an orgasm, and if you are in the dating scene and having different sexual partners then sorry girl but you may never figure it out. WHY? Because Michael may pull your hair and you like that, Derrick may slap your ass but not pull your hair and you don't understand why, Kevin may give you long strokes and it works for him and back to Michael being a bunny hopper and sometimes it pleases you. That is why you haven't to be consistent enough to find a rhythm with one partner if possible.

Men often think women have climaxed, if she rolls over afterwards and goes to sleep or just looks restless. WRONG WRONG WRONG !!! Sometimes her ass is tired from all that damn faking, hooping, and hollering she just did making you think you were rocking her world when in fact you probably only boarded the boat and couldn't get it out of the docking station. And truth be told, women don't need to climax in order for the sexual encounter to be great/good but if as a man you can get that woman to that point then KUDOS to you ! To most women orgasm is the frosting on the cake NOT the damn cake, where for men orgasm is the cake and they don't care nothing about the frosting.

Overall, women often fake orgasms to preserve her partner's feelings and often at times the relationship. However after awhile we women have to stop faking it, we are selling ourselves short; so if you like your hair pulled, ass slapped, toes licked etc let that man know, He shouldn't be the only one allowed to growl because he reached his happy ending - you deserve yours too ! ;-)

fake busy

Let's talk about fake busy ... I hate to hear people tell me "I was busy all day and it didn't cross my mind, or I didn't have time" one word for this BULLSHIT ... now mind you there aren't any other words for this besides BULLSHIT !!! 

I am constantly telling folks, "people make time for who and what they want to make time for" case scenario: before I moved down south, I worked a full time job varying from 8-12 hour days, would hit the gym around 5am for a workout, 3 days out the week pick my niece up from daycare if need be, and was a personal trainer during the week and weekends w private clients and teaching boot camp classes and other family and social events with friends. I say that to say this .... in spite of how busy it seems I was I made time for someone who I was quite interested in. He was worth it to me, and I made time out of my busy day(s) to spend time w him, whether it was going out for a drink, having dinner, making dinner, a movie or just watching a football game together. It didn't matter that I had just worked 12 hours and had a 2 hour workout after work and just wanted to shower and go to bed. Even if I went over to his house and laid around and fell asleep I was still spending time with him and that was how I looked at it .... the reality was this ..... in spite of it all I came to realize that I couldn't get half of what I gave in return. But what I did get was a lot of excuses. And when I say a lot I mean so many excuses I could've turned them into a short story of excuses. They ranged from, I am working late, I am working my part time job, I have to spend a little bit of time with my son, my brother wants to hang out later, I need a nap I am tired and so on and so forth. With all my years of back and forth with this person I allowed this to continue on until I realized I was just a bit fed up. I sat back and said "damn I would give this man my last biscuit if he was hungry but yet he wouldn't even split his in half with me if I wanted to taste it"

REPEAT THE ABOVE AGAIN .... NO ONE IS ALWAYS BUSY !!! Even God had time to sit at the round table w his homies and chill ..... with folks it is all about priority and sometimes it is just about convenience. When we drop things and switch our schedules around for folks who wouldn't even cancel an appointment for us, we show that vulnerable side we have towards them and sometimes folks use that kindness for weakness and take full advantage of it. Hard to swallow, hard to accept at times but it is true. We all have had that one person, one friend, one relative (HELL IN MY CASE SEVERAL RELATIVES) who are quick to dial you up for a favor or other things because they can depend on you to make it happen but in the back of your mind you knew if the tables were turned you would be FRESH OUT OF LUCK with them. Sometimes it seems like having a good heart can hurt your heart. We have to figure out who and what is best for us and who and what truly deserves our time and attention. Doesn't mean that we won't make folks a priority when they refuse to make us one, just mean we have to be more aware of the signals early on. There are 24 hours in a day, now minus the hours you work, the hours you are asleep and then you divide the rest up between other activities like the gym, spending time with your children, and other tidbits but damn it the truth of the matter is IF SOMEONE IS IMPORTANT TO YOU then TRUST AND BELIEVE .... TIME WILL BE MADE !!! The time will truly come when you get so fed up with certain folks that you will sit back and analyze all the times you broke plans with your girls, to spend time with a guy who wouldn't even cancel game night with his boys to spend a few hours with you, or the time you was 2 exits from your house and turned around to get food for someone you was involved with which meant you back tracking and wasting gas you know you probably needed for work for the remainder of the week, or just getting home and showering and ready to snuggle in your bed and you get a text or call saying "come over" and you toss on some sweatpants and take the journey to wherever they are! Now if you read this and say to yourself, oh never not me, then please SMACK YOURSELF  because at some point and time we have all been there, some of us are there right now and wondering how the hell we got back to this point. Regardless of which it's been experienced. It's crazy how we can waste so much time on certain people and in the end they prove that they weren't even worth a second of it. I am truly learning daily to be selective with who I invest my time in, wasted time is worse than wasted money. One way to look at is ... "I tried, you didn't, I'm done." Granted it isn't always this cut and dry but do remember the only thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

snippet ....

Seek and ye shall find.
Search and one will see.
Listen and one will hear.

Be still and enjoy the blessings.
Find peace and live in the moments.

Talk less. Listen more.
Observe so you can see.
Be aware of the signs.
Be alert of your thoughts.

Pray more. Worry less.
Forgive and eventually learn to forget.
Leave it behind and move on.

tired of Mr. Right Now

I just know I can't be the only one in the world wondering why I have to kiss so many frogs in this lifetime before one turns into an actual prince ... Have I kissed a frog who was an actual prince but yet he kissed so many toads he has lost his charm?

Have you been on what feels like a million dates, but yet haven't found anyone that you kind of have that "aha  moment" or that spark with? Trust me I know the feeling all too well and it can be discouraging but I am learning the hard truth that if we are willing to accept anyone then we could have a relationship tomorrow. I am learning that realistically finding the right relationship is a numbers game (so if you hate math this may not be good for you). The higher your standards and requirements are, often the smaller number of choices we have to choose from. So let's reconsider what exactly it is we are looking for.

I always think that most simplest things are often the hardest to obtain. I don't think my requirements are so stern that it's hard to meet a man of my standards. I just believe that when I meet these men, they are in relationships, living with their baby mother, trying to make things work for the family, or just trying to have a good time and live life. Not everyone is out here seeking a relationship. So what realistic character must your partner have to meet in order to possibly have a chance with you? Now by NO means am I saying to lower your standards but just make a list of some of the things that are non negotiable, for instance with me something that is non negotiable is a cigarette smoker. I just can't tolerate it whatsoever, but who knows my prince could be out there smoking a Newport as we speak. (sighs)

women and emotions

I wish I knew why women were such emotional beings. Why does our hearts often overpower what we know is right within our minds? Why do we wear our heart on our sleeves? Why can't we easily walk away from what is wrong? What hurts us? What hinders us? What we know is NO good for us?

Why are we such emotional beings? We get so emotionally attached and then by the time our minds kick in our hearts are operating full speed. Then we find ourselves in that difficult situation between choosing what we know is right and what we think feels good. A friend said to me "sex brings emotions" and at first I wanted to debate with her because I am subject to believe differently. But after I thought about it; it holds such partial truth. But that saying applies to women, well women way more than men. It's crazy how you can hate someone's guts and sex can make you forget why you were even mad in the first place. But what if it really isn't the sex but the moments?

Emotions .... I recall people telling me I was heartless for awhile. I was trying to use less emotion and more mentality when it came to people and certain decisions. I was just using my heart LESS that's all. I was able to sit back and see how much our emotions can block things that's right in front of our eyes. Our emotions can make us disregard the necessary. Our emotions can hang us out to dry if we let them. Some fckd up stuff huh .... and people think being a woman is so cool. *side eye*

Why do we wear our hearts on our sleeves? Why is it that people don't appreciate what they have while they have it? Why is that saying "you don't know what you got till its gone" so true?

Let’s face it, no matter what anyone says, men and women are similar, but yet so different.

This thing called life.

Life is crazy. We never know who we're going to meet. We never know how they may or may not impact our lives. It's scary not knowing what lies ahead but it's amazing that not no 2 days are ever the same.

Sometimes I wish we had the ability to determine who we allow to enter our lives and who we don't. Feels like if we were able to do so, we could prevent so many things we try and avoid in life. Heartache, heart break, disappointment, lies, deceit, and so many other things we just don't want. But unfortunately we don't control the plane we are just here for the ride.

It's crazy how the things we often think we want so bad are the things we don't need at all or the things that can often hurt us the most. Reality is the shit we try to avoid is always the shit we need to help us grow. Sucks how pain and suffering can often bring us some of the joyous moments of our lives. Sucks that we have to endure the storm to enjoy the rainbow.

Life is crazy. We never know what to expect... we never know who we may meet, who may change our lives, who's life we may help change. It's scary not knowing what lies ahead but it's amazing that not NO 2 days are EVER the same.

being the other woman.

Women have this power that at times we often sweep under the wrong. It's called intuition. 

in·tu·i·tion
noun
the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.

Sometimes we know what's going to happen before it even occurs, sometimes we can sense when things aren't right before it goes left, and it's a power that we posses and often overlook. Case scenario: meeting someone who seems like a great catch, good company, amazing vibes, seemingly too good to be true, and then BOOM intuition kicks in around the same times feelings begin to develop. Everything your intuition tells you can be factual but often the feelings tell you let it go. We hate confronting the truth and would rather leave it as the unknown. 

Being the other woman ... Is it worth it? Are you settling? Don't you deserve more? Is the competition so strong? Are you happy? Aren't you worth more? Are you satisfied? Are there benefits?

I mean I can write a list of questions and thoughts that many women have in mind, some have even faced, and some are even dealing with today. But let's talk about being the other woman. Being the other woman is a tough situation, point blank period. I don't care how you swing it ~ you can't flip it into a positive even if you tried to. It's really no reason as to why men cheat, sometimes people with the perfect relationship step out on their partners. So let's discuss some realities of being the other woman whether it's good or bad ... 

• you are the dirty little secret ... when you are the other woman, you are often kept under wrap. But hell honestly speaking sometimes when you are the main woman you are kept under wrap and the other woman gets more public display than you do. But often whether it's a boyfriend cheating on his GF or a husband cheating on his wife, you will often be kept hidden and not spoken of. Secret text messages, secret rendezvous, and rules and regulations for you to follow. 

• you deal with loneliness ... when you are the other woman and having a secret relationship you will deal with loneliness. YES it is true you will deal with loneliness, something will always be missing. I mean don't get me wrong it will be plenty of moments of intimacy and cuddling and all that good stuff that makes you feel like #1 but it is never enough honestly speaking to deal with the moments when you want what you can't have. 

• society views .... yes even though the reality of being the other woman is so well known these days you still deal with society and their views of you. "She's a homewrecker"  "She's a slut" etc ... it doesn't end with the name calling and whispers from folks but the truth is you will experience it. 

• THE WAITING GAME .... if you are a person who likes things when you want and how you want it then hunny being the other woman is not your cup of tea. When being the other woman you have to wait for the signal (you know like the bat signal to know when things are a go and when you can plan things and make moves. And just because you make plans doesn't always mean it will happen (please know this for a fact) because you are #2 and #1 will always come before #2. You play the waiting game, you thirst for the moments and time you can get from this man. 

• stolen moments and borrowed time ... and here we go. with being the other woman this is what you deal with. Stolen moments and borrowed time. Often you don't see each other every day and you don't see each other all the time and you work around a certain time schedule. HE can't spend the night when you want him too, so you make the most of whatever time you can get with him while you can. 

• you are not and I repeat you are NOT a priority .... the first few weeks are often filled with bliss. You get the emotional highs of being in love and constantly wanting to be with that person however that stage will end when the reality kicks in. Being the other woman definitely does affect you as a person overall, you can't spend the holidays with him, you can't spend time with him when you want and need him the most, you aren't a priority because you playing in the background. 

Being the other woman is a tough ass situation !!! Oh so you thought this was a walk in the park huh? It's like working a job you hate but you love the benefits you can get. So let's talk about how you DEAL with BEING THE OTHER WOMAN .... 

• face the truth ... YUP face the truth ! When you are in a "situationship" where you are being the other woman you have to face the truth. The truth is YOU ARE THE OTHER WOMAN, you don't come first, and he may not ever leave his girlfriend/wife. 

• other interests ... YUP develop some ! Just because you are the other woman doesn't mean you have to lose yourself and invest all your time into this situationship. As long as you have other interests you aren't always worried about what HE is doing while you are not with him, remember you are the other woman. 

• the vision can't be black and white ... if and when you are the other woman you damn sure can't see the picture in black and white. It will often be a bit cloudy (and not w a chance of meatballs) so the picture is gray for sure. Just because you are the woman doesn't make you a bad person but it is definitely a tough situation to deal with. 

• end it ... sometimes it's always easier said than done, especially depending on how far and how deep things have gotten. You will constantly think about this, you may love him, it may be difficult, you may think it will be awhile before you find someone else but the reality is you don't wanna be the other woman forever. Especially when you know that you deserve better ! When you realize you are worth more than a secret relationship and deserve more, you will dwell more on ending it. 

• don't settle ... settling is never an option I don't care whether it is being the other woman or with the color shoe you buy. If you don't love it and it's not making you happy 100% don't settle. 

• look into the future ... I mean right now the present may be enough to fill a void you may be experiencing but let's think long term. Will there be a future in this for you? Will you ever be number #1? If so then who will replace you as number #2? Will the cycle continue on? Are you the only number #2? I mean let's be honest ... 

Being the other woman definitely isn't a piece of cake or a walk in the damn park, it's hard !!! Just remember, there are ways to deal with being the other woman. Keep a dope support system, it's always needed because sometimes we fail to see what others do, talk about ending it and definitely know and remember that you deserve better. 
So ladies .... have you ever been the other woman???

Long distance relationships

Believe it or not at some point we have all considered it, been there, thought about it or possibly going thru it. We often hear the stories about how long distance relationships will never work out. Or maybe we hear the stories that absence makes the heart grow fonder and time away is much needed for trial and tribulation for a relationship. Me personally, I am not for it but with relocating to North Carolina I have strongly considered it a time or two.

A long distance relationship can either be chicken soup for the soul or poison ivy on the body! When you decide to make that decision with someone you never know what to expect. It can make you love someone so much more or it can help you see what you have been blinded by being so close by. Some say it can be seen as an opportunity, in order to determine whether you want to live together you must first know what it feels like to live apart. It has been said even though I need proof and facts to be a test of your love. There is a Chines saying that goes "real gold is not afraid of the test of fire." Pretty much in terms to a long distance relationship it is seeing the distance as a bond to make you even stronger and NOT pulling you apart.

Now my question is this ... how far is to far? Is there a mileage amount on long distance relationships? How many years have to be vested into a situation before you consider a long distance relationship? If he lives in Rhode Island and I move to California is it worth the try? What if you have only been dating for 8 months and all of a sudden you get a great promotion from your job which you have always wanted ... do you leave or do you stay? We never know what the outcome of a relationship can or will be. For some a long distance relationship can turn into another job, knowing each other schedules, keeping track of activities and social media accounts to stay in touch, etc. But what happens when you see something they post on social media that makes it look like they are having the time of their life without you, then what?

I always think about the time you don't get to spend with each other more than the fact of it bringing you closer together. Sometimes when you have had a bad day at work it feels good to talk about it with your significant other but it feels even better to talk about it with them face to face or over dinner and relax too. I think I focus on the challenges more than anything else. There will be a disconnection there especially if you aren't able to see each other on a monthly basis depending on how far apart you are from each other. The reality is that long distance relationships are about 90% promises. So you are kind of living in a world of hope for awhile until you figure out what will become. Who's going to make the move or the plunge, what happens if you moved away for better and your significant other doesn't want to leave because he feels fine back home? Who's willing to compromise if no one wants to take a step forward and the other doesn't want to take a step back?

Sometimes we are just so afraid to start over elsewhere and so we hold onto something we often foresee not working ... and sometimes we hold on with hopes that it will all work out. It's OK if a long distance relationship isn't for you "it ain't for everybody" (Jay-Z voice) and I say that to say this, if your relationship  breaks under the pressure it's not because of the distance ... HELL in most cases it's not even your fault !!! Sometimes it is just not the right relationship to be fighting for and that is OK. In strengthening yourself, you won't only survive the distance but you will probably be so much better for it. They often say "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and it can indeed fan the flames of your passion, even if it's for yourself and your own future.

No matter how painful it feels at the time, this is an important truth for both of you to know. Recognizing the wrong relationship is a crucial step in finding the right relationship.  

Chapter 33

Welcome to Chapter 33 

The time is now and I embark on a new year of life. I took a break and re evaluated life for the whole month of August. I cried a lot, experienced death w people I love so dear and near, learned to keep your friends close as possible, love up on your family so much that they suffocate and be open to love from others when you feel that it is genuine. I have learned that in our darkest hours when it feels like God has turned off the lights, he has truly only dimmed them so that you can relax and unwind to prepare for the sun to shine back in. As I embark on this new journey called 33 I hope he continues to keep me, continues to provide for me when I feel like there is no way for it all to happen. That he continues to prove to me why he alone is God and to trust solely in him. IN this new chapter called 33, I hope to love more, enjoy life, continue to understand that trouble don't last always and that when people genuinely love you, nothing comes between that !!! Every day I learn to love more, pray more, worry less, be more forgiving of myself as well as w others and understand that not everyone who says that they love you really want what is best for you. It's okay to learn to love folks from a distance, everyone who's in the stands isn't always there to be supportive. 

Be blessed .... stay tuned. 

HIM

There was something about him that drew me in. 

Something about him that that was different than the rest. 

Something about him that kept me coming back. 

There was something about him.

He stimulated my mental and made my soul smile. 

He listened to my heart even when I didn't think it could speak. 

He was captivated by my inner beauty, just infatuated with me. 

There was something about him.

He talked I listened. I spoke he listened. 

He heard my song cry. I heard his song cry. 

There was something about him.

There was something about him that drew me in. 

Something about him that was different than the rest. 

Something about him that kept me coming back. 

There was something about him. 

being picky.

So ladies, is this how you feel sometimes?Is this totally you? Are you being so picky that you are overlooking great possibilities? Trust some of us are so picky we don't even realize it !!!

Don't get me wrong I definitely agree that every girl deserves a good guy. No it's not wrong to have standards, but damn it sometimes the standards are way to high. Sometimes us as women require so much from a man we couldn't even give back in return. I.E. he needs to be college educated/graduate, yet you only have a high school diploma, he needs to be established in life w a career etc, yet you hop from job to job if the pay is good, he can't have NO kids, yet you may have 1 or sometimes 3 and w 3 different fathers. I can go on but you get the point. Sometimes we become so focused on the path to finding Mr. Right that we can't seem to see the perfectly imperfect guy right outside our window. 

So here it goes, a little listing of a few things I have come to realize after years and recent discussion w female friends and associates who are single, etc.

• the common "he's just not my type" but when I ask you why he isn't good enough or your type you really don't have no concrete reason as to why. you might not even have a "type" but you just know that whatever it is YOU don't really have that he isn't it. Reality is this, you don't know what you want and w that being said you won't ever be satisfied in a relationship. Truth be told. 
• the "list" yes you know the must haves of your man. some women have the specifics down to a drop of a dime, height, weight, build, hair, bank account goals, dimples, no dimples, no hair, head full of hair, beards only, etc. Now don't get me wrong I am not saying don't have expectations of what you would like in a man, but the reality is the chances of finding all that in a man and more is slim to none. Modify that list a bit, but still stay true to what you truly desire, such as family oriented, faith in God, etc but all that bank account amount, must have hair, etc is just making you crazy. You never know you may not be attracted to that bald man, but he may be very much so attractive to you and could give you most of the things you require on your "list". STEP OUTSIDE THE BOX
• the little things, YES ladies the little things. Now please don't lie nor get mad when I say this because it is true. We put WAY TOO MUCH emphasis on the little things. Soon as something goes wrong we are often ready to pack up and say "I am done". It is okay to have a list of deal breakers, one of mine is CIGARETTES. I just can't tolerate it not one bit and that is something I won't budge over. Before it was that and he couldn't eat red meat or pork because I don't eat it but guess what if he chooses to be a carnivore that's on him (see the little things we make BIG things). You have to ask yourself this, what is most important to you and what you want out of the relationship or any relationship. If one of your main essentials is that he has to be a family guy, and you can see that he is close to his mom and wouldn't mind having kids one day GREAT !!! That alone may be enough reason for you to overlook his big nose, or his bald head, or that he chews w his mouth open. (WAY TOO MUCH emphasis on the little things) 
• your friend's don't wanna help you no more !!! Ever had your friends think they know you well enough to hook you up? and by chance you may have passed down EVERY one of their suggestions and the one's you didn't turn down you were so guarded and stuck in your ways you probably never had a 2nd date. But if your friends have tried to hook you up with a variety of men, from light skin to dark skin, tall to short, bald to having a head full of hair, educated to street hood, etc maybe the common denominator isn't the men but maybe it's just YOU ! A good friend won't set you up w someone they don't believe is worthy of your time or wouldn't be an extremely good match for you, oh no not one bit. 
• when was your last long term relationship? can't even recall the last time you've had a boyfriend huh and NO I don't mean someone who you have sex with maybe 2 or 3 times a week because it's an understanding, and NO I don't mean a "situationship" cause you are yet to try and understand and figure out what the hell is going on, but an actual relationship. And trust it's not because guys don't try to pursue you. Maybe the last relationship was a horrible heartache, maybe you're scared of experiencing that again, and maybe you feel that being picky is your own way of protecting yourself and making sure it doesn't happen again. 
• cloud 9 love affair. you can't always expect an overwhelming, magical situation to occur right away, but don't get me wrong I am a believer in love at first sight but sometimes it may take looking thru the peek hole 3 or 4 times to realize it in others. But this is the truth, don't ever disregard attraction because it is important. BUT if you confuse attraction w "type" you will overlook it every time. and sometimes ATTRACTION DOESN'T COME INSTANTLY - sometimes it comes along in the midst of getting to know someone. If he at least seems like a decent guy then damn it give that guy a chance !!! Always remember this, sometimes a spark takes a while to build before turning into a flame. <3

Don't Worry; Matthew 6:34

For we don't know what tomorrow may bring, let us not worry but be thankful for today <3

stepping out of your comfort zone.

Sharing the 6 steps ...

1

Make a fool of yourself. One of the biggest things that holds many of us back is our fear of what people think. After all, you don't want people to think you're weird or rude or creepy or obnoxious or annoying, do you? But wait -- think about the most lovable, magnetic people you've come across in your life. Odds are, they weren't the meek, agreeable people who are reliably pleasant to be around. They were the people who were crazy and charming. People who blurted out silly, maybe inappropriate things, or who made huge, slap-your-forehead mistakes, or who were over the top most of the time, but others forgave them for being less than perfect and in fact, liked them for it. So shatter your concern for what people think of you. You're allowed to be less than perfect, and you may find that people like you more for it, because it makes you a more exciting person to be around. Get laughed at, laugh with 'em. Do something you normally wouldn't do for fear of looking like an idiot. Be that idiot. You'll be fine.

2

Know that worst thing that can happen when you try something new is that you might fail. At least you tried and probably learned that it wasn't as scary as you imagined. Knowing that you tried is an accomplishment and realizing that even a failed attempt at something new is a measure of success in that you had the courage to take a risk and made the effort to act and take a leap of faith.

3

Face your fears. There are the big fears, such as heights, spiders, tight spaces, and germs, but there are also hundreds of subtle fears we bow to every day. Like the fear of breaking a bone, or falling down, or getting caught in the rain. What are the precautions you take every day to circumvent "negative" circumstances? And are those circumstances really worth stepping around? Those steps add up! It's good to be proactive, but it's bad to let a significant portion of your life be devoted to averting things that never happen--Little things that could turn into adventures or funny stories if you allow yourself to deal with a little discomfort.

4

Become comfortable with taking risks. Your comfort zone is comfortable because it's where you know what to expect. Going out on a limb can be scary because you might fail. You might lose something. But you might also gain something, huh? In order to become comfortable with that uncertainty, you'll need to practice the following:

• Non-attachment. When you decide to do something, do it for its own sake, not so that you can get a particular result. If you gamble, gamble with money you're ready and willing to lose; gamble for the fun and exhilaration of gambling. If you win, that's icing on the cake! But if you lose, no big deal. In other words, let go of your attachment to a certain outcome; instead, focus on the joy of doing whatever you're doing. Live in the moment.
• Acceptance. When things don't go your way, and they won't, shrug it off. If you're clinging to your comfort zone, you're hanging on to an idea that the world is supposed to be a safe, predictable place, and that's an illusion. You're setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment. Open your eyes. The world is a dynamic place where things go right and wrong. That's just the way it is!

5

Most of the greatest lessons in life are learned by taking risks and living outside of your comfort zone. Knowing that you can't change people, places, or things, but can change the way you respond to these things gives you the confidence and power to accept and engage in this diverse world we live in.

6

Enjoy the unknown. When is the last time you felt excited about not knowing what was going to happen next? If you're deep in your comfort zone, it's probably been a while. Don't you miss it? Don't you miss the mixture of anticipation and anxiety that makes your heart flutter and stomach turn at the same time? Bring that feeling back into your life.

TIPS

• Find or date someone crazy. When you discover that person who brings out the adventurous side from within you, it will help to encourage your development tremendously. These people can be easy to spot and will be found, for example, five miles away from home after packing up only a camera, tent, and food, to go camping in the woods. Spontaneity is a great contrast to someone like yourself who may not be comfortable or familiar with stepping out of your comfort zone often.
• If you're having a hard time stepping out of your comfort zone, start small and build your way up. But keep building your way up.
• Be yourself. Never try to be someone that you're not, be unique. You'll live a much happier life doing this. Also this will make it so that you may only live once, but if you do it right once is enough. And everyone else is already taken. Which is good and everyone one (as long as they're good) is significant and no one is more important than the next. It's either you're good which makes you important or you're bad and makes you a waste of space, oxygen, money and time.

Be as diverse as possible.

• Be yourself and unique. Don't worry about what others think of you. Take risks because you never know how wonderful something could turn out to be!!!
• Sometimes getting out of your comfort zone can require lot of time. Don't panic, be patient and always believe that nothing is impossible.

WARNINGS

• t's good to not know what will happen, to ignore dangers a little bit less and to take risks a little bit more. Just don't ignore dangers too much, always keep yourself safe and do not take risks you will end up regretting in the future!
• Don't do anything that would most likely cause self-harm. Especially when you're at risk of someone else hurting you in any physical way. Might also be a good idea though to know self-defense if this is the case. But don't be scared.
• Don't confuse stepping out of your comfort zone with being reckless and stupid. There's a difference between being reckless and accepting risks. Reckless people don't accept risks-they don't even think about them. You should know the risks, and decide to go through with the decision anyway, ready and willing to accept the consequences if things don't work out.

12 Benefits of Detoxing the Body

Many people don't believe in the power of what a detox can do, so I am sharing 12 benefits I found and believe to be true with regards to detoxing the body.

1. Boosts Your Energy

Many detox program followers report feeling more energetic. This would make sense because while you’re detoxing you’re stopping the influx of the things that caused you to need a detox in the first place. By cutting out the sugar, caffeine, trans fat, saturated fat, and replacing them with fresh fruits and vegetables, you’ll be getting a natural energy boost, one that comes without a resultant crash. It’s vital to stay well hydrated while on any detox program, and that can also be a source of increased energy if you typically don’t get enough water throughout the day.

2. Rids the Body of Any Excess Waste

The biggest thing that detoxing helps with is allowing the body to rid itself of any excess waste it’s been storing. Most detox programs are designed to stimulate the body to purge itself, helping the liver do its thing as well as the kidneys and colon. Cleansing the colon is an important part of the detoxing process because those toxins need to exit the body, and a backed up colon can cause them to be reintroduced into the body, rather than exiting as planned. Sticking with fruits and vegetables even after the detox program is completed is a good way to keep things moving.

3. Helps with Weight Loss

It’s easy to see how a detox diet would cause you to lose weight in the short term, but a healthier way to look at it would be to establish long-term eating habits, and rid yourself of unhealthy habits. Many times it is the drastic reduction in calories and rapid weight loss that is focused on, especially in the media. But these short-term results won’t last if you don’t make it a point to replace bad foods with good, and use your new-found energy to exercise more and be more active overall.

4. Stronger Immune System

When you detox the body you free up your organs to function the way they should. This helps to give your immune system a boost since you’ll be able to absorb nutrients better, including Vitamin C. Many of the herbs you take while on a detox will help the lymphatic system, which plays a big role in keeping you healthy and firing on all cylinders. Many detox programs also focus on light exercises which help to circulate lymph fluid through the body and helps it to drain, strengthening your immune system in the process.

5. Improved Skin

Your skin is your largest organ, so it only makes sense that it would show positive results from a detox program. One way to help your detoxing efforts is to take a sauna to help the body sweat out additional toxins. You can expect clearer, smoother skin at the end of your detox plan. It’s also been reported that detoxing can help with acne, although the condition may worsen before it gets better as the toxins are released. You may find that your skin itches or gets patchy before clearing up, but this is part of the process and is a sign that you’re on the right track with your program.

6. Better Breath

Follow a detox program that includes a colon cleanse because those toxins need to be released from the body. It’s been theorized that one contributor to bad breath is a backed up colon. When you are able to clear it out and get your digestive system functioning well again, you may find that your breath improves. Be aware that your breath may actually worsen during the detoxing process, but when it’s finished it will be better. This is natural, and occurs as toxins are released from the body.

7. Promotes Healthy Changes

It’s hard to change a long-standing habit, and a detox program – no matter how long – is one way to put a wedge between your old ways and your new ones. If you have addictions to sugar, caffeine, fried, or crunchy foods you can use a detox program to help you kill those cravings. Often if you just try to quit eating those foods or drinking those beverages you’ll have limited success, and go back to your old ways. But if you cleanse the body and replace those foods with healthier choices, you can retrain yourself and be more likely to stick to your new habits.

8. Clearer Thinking

A good detox program will pay some attention to your state of mind during the cleanse. The use of meditation is often recommended as a way to get back in touch with your body during this time of purging and cleansing of toxins. Detox followers often say that they lose that sense of fogginess, and are able to think more clearly during a detox than when not on it. It makes sense, since many of the sugar-filled and fat-filled foods that surround us each day will cause us to feel lethargic and can factor heavily in the quality of our thinking.

9. Healthier Hair

By the time you can see your hair, it’s already considered dead, as all of its growth occurs within the hair follicle. This is why it’s important to keep your body functioning at its full potential through a regular detoxing strategy. When your hair is able to grow uninhibited by internal toxins you’ll see and feel the difference in your hair. In many instances hair gets shinier, and feels softer to the touch. Detoxing isn’t enough to stop male pattern baldness, but many report that their hair grows more quickly, a sign of healthier hair.

10. Lighter Feeling

One of the reported benefits of detoxing is a feeling of being lighter. There are several reasons why this would be the case, especially if you’ll be doing a colon cleanse as part of the program. When you stop eating foods that weigh you down, and replace them with fresh organic fruits and vegetables, a lighter feeling is bound to occur. It’s also important not to overeat while detoxing, which will yield a lighter feeling as well, and will give you the energy you’ve been missing.

11. Anti-Aging Benefits

The constant barrage of toxins that the body has to deal with is one contributing factor to the aging process. By reducing the amount of free radical damage done to the body, you’re going to see not only short term benefits, but also long term benefits in an increased longevity. When you finish your detox program, it’s very important not to go right back to the lifestyle that was causing the toxicity. Sticking to a improved diet and getting daily activity are great ways to make sure that you feel good each moment of your life.

12. Improved Sense of Well being

When you detox, you feel good, and when you feel good, good things happen. Detoxing is often used strategically to lose weight or to start a new diet plan, but really there’s no better reason than just to feel better. When you set the stage for well being, you are going to improve all areas of your life, and you should see better relationships, better productivity at work, and a new-found or renewed zest for life.

Girl, get your mind right !

30 days. Restart. Refresh. Reboot. Revive.

I am opening up a chapter of my life with you and hopefully it may help someone else too. For the month of August I'm working on a 30 day reboot to a better me. The purpose of this reboot is because it's much needed and to allow these 30 days or so to reassure myself of many things and to revive what has died within. NO negativity. NO distractions. NO excuses.

30 days includes focusing on all these things/ideas and much more. Better eating. Back to fitness. Finding faith. Trusting solely in God. Praying more. Meditation. Trying yoga. Exploring new things. Loving myself a bit more daily. Drinking more water, less alcohol. Disconnecting from the world to reconnect with myself (meaning no social media for the period of this life connection). So along this journey I am going to try and share as much as I can with you. Whether it's a recipe, a new venture, a passage, words of encouragement, an exercise regimen, a detox or a new book. 

I am doing a 30 day reset because I really need one. I am not feeling my best lately. I am feeling a bit run down, stressed and extremely tired. Most days I struggle to get out of bed for work. 

The 30 days is set up so that I can focus solely on the spirit within along with mental clarity and much more. Sometimes we all need a little reset button on life for a few days or weeks. We sometimes get so caught up with social media, other people's business, other people's needs and wants that we disconnect from ourselves by connecting and being fueled off others. So if that means not responding to texts from specific people who drain most of your time or energy, or serve no purpose towards the bettering of yourself, then so be it. 

So if you have moved, relocated, lost faith, need inner peace, mental clarity, get back on track, love yourself more, focus more on yourself than by any means join in.

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this." - Henry David Thoreau

12 ways to a girl's heart.

alone.

I am in a current stage where I am learning how to be alone and be happy. Learning how to be alone without being lonely and losing my mind. Making time to be alone is important for our sense of self and individuality, self knowledge and some unwinding and R&R. 

Being alone is essential with learning how to stand on your own two feet again and the most important part FIND YOURSELF! Some people experience loneliness while others celebrate it. Most of us enjoy spending time with friends, laughing and meeting new people. Being alone can be tricky on the mind, as many of us fear being judged by peers when out alone doing things that seem to be meant for friends and companions, like dancing, eating at restaurants, and festivals. The reality is as humans we crave companionship. 

Loneliness should not be compared to the fear of being alone. We all have times when we are alone for situational reasons or simply because we have chosen to be alone. Being alone means different things to different people. Often many reasons why men and women engage into relationships is because of their fear of being alone. 

Sometimes when we choose to be alone we make ourselves lonely by shutting out the world, hiding behind our curtains and closed doors, shutting people out, and disconnecting ourselves from the world a bit. So if you are like me at times here are a few things we can try and do to learn how to be alone and NOT be lonely:

• take yourself out on a date; whether it is to a movie, an art show, spoken word, or even a local event going on in your city. This is something I am truly working on because often my mind thinks it's a great idea but then fear of going alone kicks in and I sit behind those shut curtains. 
• meditate daily; I have been told that meditation is one of the most valuable ways we can spend time alone and with ourselves. It introduces clarity, peace, serenity and focus into our lives. Even if it is just two minutes a day it's great. My biggest struggle is making time to sit with myself on a regular basis, so if you too are like me then let's start by making a commitment to just sit and breathe daily for two minutes. INHALE all the goodness and EXHALE all the bullshit. Then as weeks progress we can try for 3 minutes, then 4 and so on. 
• turn off your devices to the world and just disconnect; WHAT NO PHONE? Yes I know it's like someone taking our lifeline away isn't it? Even though our devices are a social connection to the world and people we love, the truth is they are also a gift and a curse. How often is it that when people have a negative experience they rant about it on Facebook or Instagram? Now if we disconnect from the world for awhile it allows us to self soothe. Often by disconnecting ourselves from external distractions, we develop much deeper connections with ourselves. 
• make time to sit each day and write about whatever is on your mind; I am still working on this myself. My friend in California vows by this and is always telling me that keeping a journal will bring me such peace. IT will allow me to write it all down, let it out and carry on. Journaling allows us to express our true thoughts without being judged. 
• travel alone; I for one do not agree with this but I think that once I experience traveling alone I will feel differently about it. 
• love alone. doing things alone allows us to realize that even though relationships are important, loving oneself must be at the foundation of any connection. So many of us want someone to love and someone to love us, but I have been told if you enjoy whom you are to walk alone, you will eventually see the value in not being followed. 

So let's learn to be alone and not feel lonely. Let us allow ourselves to relish in the blessing of life, and not allow ourselves to ever miss out on anything because we tricked ourselves into believing we couldn't do it alone. 

what you deserve.

You ever knew in your heart that the person you wanted was meant for you and realized after awhile that they didn't deserve you? People don't always get what they deserve in this world. 

Ever had someone tell you "you don't deserve me" or "you can do better than me" but you brush it off and don't believe them. Let's stop for a minute and let me tell you this, if someone EVER tells you such a thing BELIEVE THEM !!! 9 times out of 10 they are telling you for a reason. Either they like you or they don't, never try and convince someone of your worth. If a person doesn't appreciate you, then hell they don't deserve you. 

The only sure thing about life is that it is in constant motion. Days pass, season changes (winter, spring, fall and summer), people leave, people die, new beginnings happen and things end. The truth is there are some people we are better off without. There are some people who are just toxic in our lives and for our souls. 

There are a million reasons why we love people. The way they look in the morning when they first wake up (yes even their morning breath). The comfort and safety they give us. When someone leaves us who has mistreated us badly. or did us wrong in whatever way possible, hurt us whether it's physically, mentally, or emotionally, psychologically, that disconnect between the brain and heart happens and we are often left with confusion. 

Ever sat and thought to yourself, how is it possible that I miss someone who made my life a living hell, someone who made me so miserable, someone who brought me so much pain in life? The brain immediately takes over with questions and thoughts for the days and the heart never knows what to say or feel. Maybe sometimes we miss people we shouldn't miss or that doesn't deserve us because we are questioning if maybe someday they would've been better, maybe one day they would've loved us like we wanted them to love us or how we felt we deserved to be loved, or showed they really did care about us. Often at times we are so connected to those few good memories that they become more like a lifeboat in such a sea of disappointment. *sighs*

What I have learned and I am still learning daily is that it is absolutely OK to miss people who have hurt us or who didn't deserve us. We are human, but it goes to show that our love for that person was so enormous they couldn't hold on. So again I say that to say this, go ahead - miss people. Miss them even though they don't deserve to be missed, hell sometimes not even thought about. Miss them because the reality is this, whether good or bad, they were a very real part in your life. That is something we can not take back. Give the memories so much more than they could have EVER given you in the flesh. 

moving on.

When we hold onto things and people that are toxic for us, it destroys our spirits in the most horrible way. Why is it so hard for us to move on from things we think we love? Why do we allow ourselves to become damaged goods before letting go and moving on?

Have you ever heard that theory "hurt people, hurt people"? Crazy right? But damn it's so true. And sometimes people don't even know why they are hurting but deep down inside their sole purpose is to make you feel how they are feeling, even though they don't know why they feel the way they do. *sighs* 

Now when I talk about moving on it doesn't necessarily mean relationship wise but other areas of life as well. It could be moving on from your current position/job, moving on and letting go of friendships that you may have outgrown or God is showing you that the purpose is no longer there, moving on and living life on your own terms (whether it means packing up and moving away from your family and comfort zone). In my years, these are all things I struggled with moving on from. Sometimes we get so content with what we have that we allow ourselves to believe there isn't greater! There is always greater .... 

I read a quote that said “It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.” 

― Nicholas Sparks

When you step into new life, you learn new things about yourself, you start to realize that your vision for life is different from people you spend time with and often love. And when years are invested into something, whether it's a job/career, friendship, relationship, etc we often want to live in the moment of it forever instead of letting go and moving on. 

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” 
― Tupac Shakur


I am a Virgo and I kid you not, we are the most over-analyzing sign in the whole wide world. We would spend weeks and weeks, even months analyzing something before we decide to just say "fuck it" and move on and realize that life can either be greener on the other side or not but regardless of the decision life will go on. I was in a "situationship" (that is kind of like a relationship but more of a situation) for about 7 or 8 years (maybe longer) on and off and me being the Virgo I am, I always analyzed my situation instead of letting it go and moving on. Why do we hold onto things and people who are toxic in our lives? Because often we are so scared to let go and more importantly scared to START OVER ! Another reason is often because of comfort and convenience it's like the silent killer of many things right after pride. 

We are afraid to let go because we are afraid of change. We are often afraid of what may lie ahead for us. Sometimes we really want to let go, but just don't know how. We loose things. professions, jobs, significant others, and friends throughout our whole life. Change comes when we need change .... let me repeat that because it touched me ..... CHANGE COMES WHEN WE NEED CHANGE. Otherwise we would never grow as people. We hold on to things that are not working out because we forget that better things are around the corner. We have no trust. Life is what you make it. Holding on to things which are NOT working, will not make you happy... You can't keep trying to turn water into wine... it'll frustrate you, annoy you, consume you... (there it is, high five ya neighbor and say "I know that's right!) LOL

Keep moving forward, let's not look back. This is another downside that many of us experience. When we decide to move forward and see that it isn't working out the way we want it to work out we immediately look back and think of things to do differently and try to convince ourselves to go backwards. "That is to say; if you have made a decision from your heart to do something, if your heart is true to moving forwards then, there is no need to look back. Our heads, our minds, our thoughts kick in because of outside influence trying to get us to look back. If it's coming from your head; and you feel yourself reaching back - there is a reason for it. If it is your head, mind and thoughts saying let go, but your heart simply can not let go, you need to remember what you truly want. This may be unresolved issues, or a basic need being unfulfilled, but there is always a reason why your heart struggles to let go." If we let go of things, 99% of time our lives will change, but the reality is that often we are more afraid of change than we are of death. What I am learning in my 30's is that I will never get what I truly deserve if I keep holding on to what I am supposed to let go (read the line over again it may apply to you). Letting go can be scary, but we have to let go of things/people who serve no purpose in our lives and what our mission is. By holding on and being afraid to move on, we hold ourselves back from what God has in store.