Growing through Grief

I've learned that grief is a process, not an event. There is no instant fix to suffering. There are no words for times like this or the moments one experiences. Neither pretty nor subtle words can ease your pain, take away the origin of what you suffer. Every loss is different. Grief is hard work and there is no blueprint or timeline that works the same for everyone. We all approach, handle and express grief differently. Some days will be harder than others. Some days you will feel as if you're barely existing. The one thing I am continuing to learn daily is to be patient with myself. 

Most of our pain comes from wishing things were different. That our lives didn't have to change from the pain. In grief, there may be many days when we feel devastated, preoccupied, empty and, yet, filled with loneliness. Other days may be a bit brighter, and it feels possible to grow from grief even though we know that growth may take time. Growth is rarely easy and almost always brings with it at least some measure of pain.  

When we are in midst of grief, the very idea that we can grow through this devastating reality seems so unacceptable, it seems unreal, and unattainable. We have no choice about loss. We have no choice about the grief that ensues. However we do have one choice within our grief. Grief will change us ... whether we want it to or not. Things will never be the same. We will never be the same. The choice we have is not whether we will change—but how we choose to change. We can choose to grow up or grow down. ✨

"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief." 

"Tears are the silent language of grief." 

"Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind." "There is no grief like the grief that does not speak."

🕊 We can have all the time in the world with people and sometimes it’s never enough and sometimes we aren’t given enough time for people to show us the world ... 🌹 in grief, there is no stage called closure. Little by little we let go of loss BUT NEVER let go of love 💕 We’re never ready to let go. I read something that said “life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” Because we often look at death as the opposite of life instead of apart of it. This thing we live called life is nothing but a brief intermission between life and death. I’m happy he uses me asmouthpiece from time to time. I’m dying inside to get there now instead of later. But praying my words to others suffice ✨💙

💘 Love Isn't Complicated ...

 

​​It may be safe to say that no one has ever loved anyone the way that person wanted to be loved. We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts even if they don’t stay in our lives. ​Love isn't complicated, people are. ​People make love more complicated than it should be. Love should be easy and fun. If you are loved and love someone, I see no reason why you should​n'​t be happy. ​{Alexa play Mary J. Blige "Be Happy"} ​I think that every female has been in a ​position​ where she has liked someone, but isn't sure as to whether or not he likes her as much as he may say he does. So, her mind tells her to step back and see if he will​ seek​ her. Sometimes it works in love and sometimes it doesn't.

The truth of the matter is - when someone wants to be with you ... you'll know! ​They​ will make sure you are aware of ​their ​intentions and ​their​ interest​edness​ for you AND ONLY YOU! ​Th​e​y​ will put in the effort and it won't go ​overlooked​. There are no games, no drama, no stress/pressure. I promise you that it is SO simple; people make it complicated. We are all guilty of going after people that are wrong for us, trying to make those people THE ONE, allowing ​ourselves to be stringed along because it feels right in the moment but in your heart it feels so wrong. Sometimes it's hard to walk away ... but always remember your worth. Always find the courage to get up and leave the table if respect is no longer being served! ​There's never anything wrong with having to eat alone for a while. ​Too often many of us waste our time with ​human beings​ who aren't sure whether we are the right one for them and one thing we can not get back is time, so why waste it! Relationships really aren't that complicated. ​People ​make them that way! Real love is simple. Real relationships are simple. When you’ve only had that complicated kind of love, when that’s the only kind of relationship you’ve ever known, you won’t know the difference until you’ve experienced a different kind of love - the real kind.

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return {LIKE HELL - Alexa play Whitney Houston Why Does It Hurt So Bad} but what is most ​hurtful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel. A lot of times when we are in a relationship we love, we go through the ​unacceptable​, knowing that the ​acceptable​ that we get out of the relationship greatly outweighs anything else. Love is the easiest thing there is. Again I repeat ... Real love is simple. Real relationships are simple.​ Love isn't complicated ... people are!​ It’s the layers of doubt, fear, and expectation that make it complicated and the heart has reasons that reason does not understand. Always remember that the game of love and the people who play it is complicated, but love itself is not complicated. 💘

 

** Love is never complicated. Ever.​ **​​

✨ Healing ✨

2020 has taught me two things; 1. Healing is necessary and 2. How healing is a lifelong journey. Healing is not a destination or a one-stop shop. It indeed is a process that we must experience and endure with elegance, compassion, self-love, and above all else … humility. As one layer is uncovered in the process, then addressed and healed, another is almost immediately to appear, requesting for the attention of its owner – self. Life is always happening and that unfortunately is something we cannot control. It is an inevitable cycle of circumstances, connections, letdowns, accomplishments, and more. Despite experiencing many levels of healing, stemming from childhood and adolescent wounds, I realized as life continues to unfold itself in its peculiar ways, so do the inner layers within which need healing.

As humans we have a vulnerable soul, we have a heart filled with emotions, we have a mind loaded with thoughts, we have a body that serves to survive yet we have pain, which is oozing to be felt, we have scars that we are expecting to fade away and we have wounds which are patiently waiting to be healed. One thing I have learned is that it is important to know what you are wanting to heal from. It’s essential to acknowledge the heart breaks, grief, losses, and disappointments of your past in order to make progress.

One cannot heal without being able to find comfort. So often we suffer in silence because we struggle to recognize that our comfort zone is an unhealthy place for us to be in and fail to recognize that our pain is the center cushion in the comfort zone. Being honest and I mean brutally honest is the key element in the journey of healing. It took me awhile to be realistic with myself and it hurt, but I was able to understand and see the things as well as people that were beneficial for me and those that were damaging. Being honest with oneself takes being willing to get out of one’s feelings, one’s personal space and comfort zone in order to take risks. I never understood how important exposure was until now. I have been fortunate enough to be exposed to other environments and people and that have allowed me to see a purpose larger than the box I was socialized to be in. Sometimes we have experienced so much toxicity in our lives that it does not go away. But never allow those difficult experiences to hinder your growth or purpose.

“You cannot think you can heal from any pain, while you avoid it.”

Healing should not be viewed as a destination …  It is dangerous when we do so. You must start to view and discuss healing as a journey. It’s like how our bodies work …  We get hurt, we lose blood, the wound swells, we feel pain, then, the bleeding stops, the swelling reduces, the pain declines but the marks stay, etc. Same is how our soul works, yet it is more sensitive, but it heals by recognition, recovery of the memories, acceptance of the disappointments, tears for the defeat, remorse over the actions, and feeling whatever emotions you’re getting in your head and allowing it to be your remedy.

But unlike our bodies our soul does not come with a clock, we all vary and so does our time of healing. There is no timeline for healing. It may take days, it may take weeks, it may take months, it may take years, it may come back when any memory hits you again, it may come back no matter how far you have come or how much time have passed! And it pretty much sucks to be standing at the same point you thought you had moved away from and that is how it actually works; and we cannot remove it from our lives. The bruises that are physical are less harmful than the spiritual ones. It’s going to be hard, but eventually and slowly but surely, with the help of faith, no matter how grave the wound, it will be filled, no matter how long it takes, you will be Healed. And healing comes with a price, but it surely will be worth it. 💕

There Is No Right Time

Timing may not be everything. But it is something. We can never time things precisely without luck or faith and for the most part, timing is out of our hands. There will always be other aspects and other people involved. There is no "right time" for love, success, happiness, etc. And this is not because the right time does not actually exist because trust me it certainly does. But we will not know when it is right until we get to it.

We will always be shooting in the dark and only recognizing how precise timing was after the fact. Things will never be exactly the way you want them to be. No matter the subject, nothing will ever be perfect. What is perfect anyways? In life, things will never be perfect. 

Happiness is indefinable because circumstances in life are ever-changing. Happiness shows a difference from previous, sadder times. Happiness means that you have experienced a positive difference in your life and at ease with your life now and/or where it is heading. What we need to be happy is just one thing to be happy about. Often, we have to remind ourselves of the time in our lives when we did not have that one thing. Sometimes that one thing can mean everything!

 If you fully, truly want to be in a relationship with a person, it is always the right time. When it’s right, you find ways to work through the madness, sorrow, old pain, and exhaustion {excuses} of fitting potential newfound love into your life together. Everyone is different. We love differently and fully. We grieve differently. We hurt differently. But we are capable to love even when we are hurt! We all have loved someone with everything we had, and in the end, it just was not enough but don’t let it hinder new beginnings. Find someone who makes you feel excitement and gives you a passion that results in a burning fire and strength that is found behind their laughter. When you find that person who brings out the fire in you, don’t run from the feeling based on “timing.”

I have now matured enough, where I have learned to only look at someone as who they are are/becoming without labeling them. There is no right/wrong time... it’s always the right time to tell someone you’re attracted to them, or you care about them, if you truly mean it. Just like it’s always the RIGHT time when something good happens, regardless of if it happened by accident or it happened intentionally. Loving others is good.  It’s always the right time when someone makes an effort to love someone else. I always say, “People make time for who and what they want to make time for. Simple as that.” 

Some things just are supposed to happen naturally. But when is the right time to love? I think it’s always the right time, if you find the right person... Remember, there is no “right” time to fall in love with someone, so love deeply and fully and with no restrictions.