My heart was crying for a soul that couldn’t see the world outside of his window.
My soul was aching for peace from the world that could only be provided from within.
Two sentences.
But when I read them back, I realize—I wasn’t just writing about heartbreak.
I was writing about awakening.
There’s something soul-crushing about loving someone who refuses to look up.
Someone who watches life from the sidelines,
who dreams in theory but never applies it in real life.
Who keeps the blinds closed and calls it safety—
while you’re out here praying for vision, for movement, for more.
And still…
you try to love them through it.
You shrink your light so it doesn’t blind them.
You quiet your joy so they don’t feel triggered.
You sit beside them, at their window,
hoping your presence will inspire them to open it.
But after a while—your oxygen gets low.
And you realize…
you can’t save someone who’s decided they don’t want to be free.
That’s when the ache shifts.
That’s when it moves from your heart
to your soul.
Because while your heart was begging to be seen,
your soul?
Your soul was screaming for peace.
Not the peace that comes from having someone next to you—
but the kind you earn
when you finally stop abandoning yourself
in the name of love.
I used to think I needed someone to pour into me.
To tell me I was worthy.
To hold me when I couldn’t hold myself.
But I’ve learned:
Peace is an inside job.
No one can hand it to you.
No relationship can create it for you.
And no man—no matter how charming or broken—
can complete you
if you haven’t first reclaimed the parts of yourself you gave away.
It hurts.
God, it hurts.
To watch someone you love
choose fear.
Choose passivity.
Choose the window
when you were ready to walk into the world together.
But sometimes, love is not enough.
Sometimes love asks you to leave—
so that you can finally meet the version of yourself
who doesn’t need to beg for reciprocity.
So here I am.
No longer waiting at the window.
No longer pleading for eye contact through the glass.
No longer explaining how to love me to someone
who only loved my effort—not my essence.
I’ve turned inward.
I’ve gone to the well.
The one where God waits with living water.
Where healing whispers back when you’re finally quiet enough to listen.
Where peace doesn’t have conditions.
It just is.
If you’re reading this and it resonates,
know this:
You are not crazy for outgrowing a connection you thought would last.
You are not wrong for wanting to be chosen—fully, loudly, without hesitation.
You are not asking for too much.
You’re asking the wrong person.
Let them keep the window.
You’ve got a whole world to explore.
🕊️ Reflection Journal Prompt:
Where in your life have you been sitting at the window, waiting? And what would it look like to walk away and draw from the well within?
🌿 Affirmations:
• I release what no longer reflects who I’m becoming.
• I trust myself to know when it’s time to walk away.
• I choose peace, even if it comes wrapped in solitude.
• I am worthy of a love that matches my depth.
• I no longer beg to be seen. I see myself—clearly.
