Thursday, November 29, 2018

READY ... YET ... afraid to love.

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Being chill is so cool these days right? Love is still for suckers isn't it? Love is a risk perhaps the biggest gamble we'll take in our lives. It's like placing all your money on black not knowing if it will land on red. You just close your eyes while the wheel spins and pray. But what happens when the ball lands on red? You might curse, you may cry, you lose right? Then what? Does your life end at that moment? NO!!! Ok maybe for like two minutes but then ... You carry on ... some of you even go back next week and try your luck again. But why aren't we so reluctant to try again when it comes to love? We make a decision to choose to put all our trust and faith into someone who, let’s be honest, we don’t really know. Because how well can you ever know someone who isn’t you? Honestly speaking I don't even think I really know myself! Everyday I am "becoming" I would hope many of you are too. That's the beauty of life it's constantly changing. That's one of the misconceptions that people have when entering relationships is wanting someone to stay the same as when you first fell in love with them. But the reality is you can't, it's just unrealistic. People change. We change little by little each and every day. Ten years down the line, neither of you will be the same person you were when you first met each other. Some grow apart, some were never meant to be together, some stayed together much longer than they should have, and many stay together for all the wrong reasons that they feel are right. 

And even though I know all of this why am I afraid? Why are many of you afraid? We’re afraid to put ourselves out there and be vulnerable with our hearts. Many of you are probably scared of getting hurt for the umpteenth time, or trying so hard to protect yourself from ever experiencing that kind of heartbreak in the first place. Love often tends to be that "elusive" feeling that 99% of are searching for, I mean who doesn't want to fall in love? Wear matching corny outfits 🤣 have someone to travel with and take "bae-cations" with, always have a plus one when needed, and when your friends ask you to hang out you actually have a VALID reason to decline instead of saying yes and then just don't go! (cause I know I am not the only one who does that) Even those of us who "claim" to not currently be looking for a serious relationship, we have this kind of "unwritten agreement" that would all change if the right person were to suddenly walk into our lives and NOT just anybody because you have to understand the difference; because who would turn down the possibility of falling in love? For some reason, we just don’t have a lot of faith in the right person ever showing up. But what if it's not the falling in love part that I am afraid of ... what if it is the falling out of love part that scares the shit out of me! 

Truth be told: when it comes to relationships the only thing we can be certain of is uncertainty. And I know that sounds bat shit crazy, but I promise you if you were to think about it you'd realize it's the truth. And the truth is, we’re all a little afraid; some of us simply choose to push through the fear, and some of us don’t. I don't believe there is a single person on this Earth that is fearless. I once heard or maybe I read it somewhere that "the people who love less in this world are the ones who fail to learn how to give unconditionally." So in my new journey and wanting more love and life I said to myself that I don't want to be the person who holds back their true feelings, the person who casts a shadow over their raw emotions; because the only person I end up hurting in the process is myself. Trying not to worry about the what ifs, trying not to worry about a future which I ultimately can’t control, and hopefully I won't worry if I am the person who seems to always care more. 

So if you are me and I am you then take note: 
  • Don’t be the person who holds back their true feelings, the person who casts a shadow over their raw emotions; because the only person you’re hurting in the process is yourself. 
  • Don’t worry about the what ifs, don’t worry about a future which you ultimately can’t control, and don’t worry if you are the person who seems to always care more. 

We can't change who are we are because of fear of getting hurt or being disappointed. They often say that when a person hurts you it speaks far more about their character than it does about yours. So if we happen to find ourselves at the end of a seemingly ‘failed’ relationship (hell some of you may be there now), take a step back (some of you may need to take about five or six) and ask yourself, ‘did I love them with everything I had?’ That's the only question that matters and if the answer is yes, then you absolutely DID NOT fail ... you did everything right. You came in with an open mind, you laid your heart on the table, and you bared your soul in its entirety. The process just begins all over again, it's like placing all your money on black and it ends up on red. Pissed right? ... but you walked away, recouped the monies and found yourself back at the roulette table trying your luck all over again huh? Well it's the same thing with love ... walk away, recoup (girls/guys trip, bottle of wine - maybe two, a new hobby, something short lived though), then find yourself right back out there again ... the right person will, without hesitation, do the same for you. 💜

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