Mother's Day 2017, you were actually home. Not confined to any cement walls, my card wasn't coming in the mail, I actually wasn't putting money on an account to hear your voice ... life was good. The first part of my day consisted of taking mom out to eat at her favorite place ~ BBQ's and the whole day I complained to her and Fallon about not getting me a gift LOL! I kept telling them all I wanted was flowers for Mother's Day. I wanted to be able to receive my flowers while I was alive, not when I was dead and couldn't see nor smell them. But as the afternoon settled and our date was done, I proceeded to drop mommy off to spend the evening with you and your little family, because even though I took her to her favorite place you cooked her favorite dish; prime rib or was it brisket? Either way, you always were here favorite, such a mama's boy! But you were my favorite out of all the brothers and sisters God blessed me with. I was able to see something within you that I always prayed one day you too would see within yourself ... in due time. As I got home, to my surprise I had a gift and immediately tears were coming down my face. Because all I wanted was for someone to give me flowers while I was still here on this Earth 🌍 and not wait for me to be dead and gone, and on my bed was my annual Mother's Day card along with a bouquet of flowers from you. I couldn't do anything else but cry. This ....was ..... US. 👫💕 My text to you read "next year I want a house, LOL!"
But deep down in my heart it could have been another card or no card just your presence & that alone would have been enough, but again in this world God has this plan that doesn't include what we feel we want nor how we want and definitely not when we want it. Sometimes God breaks our hearts to save our souls. He has a reason for allowing things to happen. For we will NEVER understand His wisdom, but we just simply have to trust His will. 13 days later I died ... 13 days later life ended ... 13 days later the ending was right there in front of me. May 27, 2017; my best friend was gone. When you were confined to those cement walls I dreaded those phone calls but yet and still I thanked God that you were where you were because society couldn't touch you and you couldn't become a victim or a statistic out here in these streets. But on May 27, 2017; my dreams from years ago turned into my reality. That phone call lingers in the back of my mind, it still touches my soul somehow, I still feel numb when I hear my god mother's voice crying on the other end, and can still see the images of me rushing to pick up our mom from work and get to the hospital. Me knowing that I needed to be there this time, because the last time you were shot you told the doctors not to let anyone in to see you while you were in the ER until I arrived. This ... was .... US 👫💕.... That's just what our relationship was and what it meant to you, and this time I had to be there. None of us were allowed to see you upon arrival, you were rushed straight to OR, they gave us no updates, we all just waited and prayed. Sitting in the hospital lobby waiting with worry in my heart not knowing what was going on was probably the worst feeling I ever experienced. As I looked around; suddenly in the hospital gift shop display there she was ... grandma 👼 !!!! It's crazy because at that moment, I thought to myself either she is here to take him home with her or she is here to assure us that he is going to be OK! Now no to anyone reading this, our grandmother wasn't there in the physical form but in Bridgeport Hospital's gift shop display case it reads "Daisy" with flowers and never in all my years of being in the hospital did I notice it until this very moment and I knew something was occurring. When they finally allowed our mom to head up to OR, it was horrible because the text read "he's gone" and I immediately dropped down to my knees in tears and everyone in the waiting room immediately knew what it meant. A bullet that wasn't meant for you, a life cut short, 13 days after I received my flowers while I was able to smell them my life had ended, 13 days after I had received my flowers now it was time for me to give you yours yet the only difference is you wouldn't be able to see nor smell them ... May 27, 2017 I lost my best friend. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was bury my brother, because when we buried you a major part of me was buried right along with you. Goodbyes hurt the most when the story was not finished, but it hurts even more when you are just starting to write it together. For awhile, I questioned it all but now I am coming to an understanding of things that aren't meant for me to control. The reality is we will never have all the time we want with those we love ... but one thing for sure is the greatest gift my mother ever gave me besides life itself was my brother (best friend). 💛👫🙏
Life is a collection of moments.
💕 
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