Can you date someone who isn't stable?

Stable .... not likely to change or fail; firmly established.
synonyms: secure * solid * strong * steady

Can you date someone who isn't stable? Stability comes in different variations from financially, mentally, emotionally, physically and so much more. Over the years many have changed their perspectives as to what they may or may not consider stable, but with age comes great wisdom and your thoughts and ideas of stability change a bit. I personally have learned many lessons in life, I even had to learn a few the hard way but there are a few particular things that remain within me and let me share a few with you.

1. "You shouldn’t choose someone to date based on whether or not they make good money, but you should choose someone to date based on whether or not they have goals and aspirations."

In my early twenties dating a drug dealer was considered stability to many females and sadly in my mid 30's some women still consider their financial loom a stability (which it isn't). What I have learned entering my 30's and progressing forward is that not everyone has the financial aspects that you want them to have but what draws me in more now is the game plan, goals and motives one has to obtain it all. The money or power doesn't impress me much any more, but dating someone who is a motivated human being is far more sexier than the guy who may be driving the Mercedes truck with no W2 to prove his income at the end of the year. Don't get me wrong the fat stack of cash doesn't hard in today's economy but the motivation moves me.

2. If the person you are dating makes you feel shitty about what you do for a living, make them feel shittier by dumping their rude, judgmental ass.

Ever dated someone who made you feel as if their job was way  more important than yours? Don't lie because I am quite sure we all have dated someone who made us question what we did for a living at some point in our lives. Don't get me wrong, sometimes people make commentary on things we do in life because they want better for us and just want to help us out. If someone you love sees that you are stuck in a job that you don't love, or a job that makes you no money and brings you more stress and sadness than happiness; then the advice is probably not coming from a place of judgment, but rather from a place of care. However, if the thing you are doing is a thing you love deeply, I mean mind, body and soul deeply. and a thing that you profit off of in some way, and you truly feel satisfied with it, they should be supporting you. Even if it isn’t prestigious or impressive, or making 6 figures or even half of 6 figures. If they don’t support that, then you’re not the one for them. That is okay, too! It doesn’t even necessarily mean they are a bad person. Sometimes we just need to understand that .... LOVE isn’t always enough. People are attracted to certain things, and want certain things for their futures, and if the ability to afford a different future than the one you are comfortable with is one of them, then you two might just have no business being together anymore.

3. If you ever spend money on your partner because you think you need to in order to gain their affection/forgiveness/attention, your relationship is not healthy.

All the places I can go on this subject but I won't ... I can save it for another blog topic for sure. Now personally I will NEVER be against buying a gift for my man or a "for being you" gift for no reason other than the fact that it is a fun, nice or a sweet gesture from my heart. But I have seen people in relationships, when it is down to the wire and they feel as if they are being treated like SHIT and felt their significant other slipping away, many have found themselves spending money left and right to show how much they care, prove their worthiness, etc. Money doesn't solve all problems ... gifts are good but time and effort is much better.

4. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Oh dear women readers .... it's called intuition for us. When you spend time with people who are treating you right and truly being good to you, I mean genuinely interested in you and then all of a sudden you really realize the little red flags that you missed with the not-so-good guys. The truth is, in good relationships, you generally do feel good. It's some kind of aura you carry around with you when you feel good. If someone is treating you right, you shouldn’t have the feeling that they’re cheating on you, or being dishonest with you. In a "healthy" relationship, you should never feel like someone is slipping from your grip, and forcing you to go into spending overdrive to try and prove your love to them or suck them back in. When someone is treating you right, you will feel calm. If you don’t feel that way, it might be time to reevaluate.

Now please let me be clear about a few things .... I’m not going to sit here and pretend like we all don’t want that ride or die mate. But perhaps, if you are running into people who aren’t interested in dating you due to your financial status, maybe you should work on becoming a bit more stable in that department. If not then at least setting goals and having a plan in motion to do so. Granted, gold-diggers do exist, but every woman who does not desire to “struggle” with a man does not fit into that category. Many people are truly smart enough to know that your intelligence, connections and work ethics can truly lead to wealth and success; and wealth and success doesn't always have to do with money.  A person isn’t always disinterested in you because of your pay grade, TRUST me when I say it is often many other reasons as to why they are not. Sometimes they just are NOT interested. And instead of finding reasons to discount yourself or calling them greedy, fake and/or selfish, maybe you should remember that many people in life don't owe you an explanation.