Going Dutch.

Is a man still considered a "provider" if you all split the bills 50/50, and does it change your respect for him? I feel as if I have had this discussion year after year just to see if opinions change. The topic came back up recently and then someone posted it via snap chat and another discussion occurred.

Now let's be clear that the discussions were based upon relationships, not marriages. Can it be relative to married couples? ABSOLUTELY ... but this is geared towards couples. About a week ago I was at lunch with a friend and we were discussing bills, splitting bills, being tired of paying bills, all the things that we do as adults and my question to him was "who pay's the bills when you live with your significant other?" I have honestly lived with my significant other one time and it was tough for me. Not tough because he didn't have the finances to pay the bills but tough because at that point in time I felt I couldn't allow anyone to pay my bills, especially in an environment that I had developed and obtained prior to meeting them. My ex would literally sneak and pay bills behind my back and could you believe I would get upset? I KNOW !!! You may be reading this like "that girl is crazy, I wish someone would help me pay my bills" but I was much younger then compared to now. Now let's be clear that even today I am still a bit skeptical with just letting someone pay my bills, but I wouldn't mind splitting some bills right about now. The cost of living today is much more than what it was when our great grand parents were shacking up, so I don't look at a man as any less of a man if he wanted to split the bills. Now what would make look at him differently is if he didn't contribute at all or at least played his part or carried his own weight.

So how do you decide the household bills? I have chatted with many male friends who believe the bills should be split 50/50 and I am not one to argue with that because saving 50% of your money every month is better than not saving any of it. I was told that a "true gentleman" would pay cover the household bills depending on how he was raised, because in the older days a man provided for his home. Now do I disagree with that? Not one bit, I wouldn't mind someone covering all the bills but after awhile I would probably feel uncomfortable about that. Some people are genuine caretakers and sometimes you have to be cautious of others. You may end up breaking up and next thing you know, your ex is telling everyone about how they carried you financially the whole relationship.

Do you determine the bills based upon income? What if your girlfriend makes more money than you? Does it turn into a 60/40 ordeal in your household? I stated to my friend that if I lived with my significant other and they decided to pay the rent in full each month then I would agree to pay for the other expenses such as, electric, gas, cable, and internet. I was told that's a fair agreement but at the end of the day it is about the discussion you both have with one another. If you are dating a man and he immediately indicates 50/50 split do you still consider him a provider? Do you look at him differently? Are you judgmental about his decision?

I personally don't mind the 50/50 deal, but it has to be rules and regulations behind the 50/50 plan. The bills must all be accounted for and identified for sure, and a joint account needs to be in place. Now this joint account would solely be for household bills and nothing else. If our household bills total $1200 for the month then the agreement is we both contribute $600 per month into this joint bank account. Anything outside of that doesn't concern me, your money minus that $600 is yours to do whatever you please. Again, the household bills is the priority to me. In a lot of relationships, discussing finances can be an uncomfortable conversation but what one must remember is that moving in together can be a great thing. So let me recap real quick with the top 3 options of living together with your significant other:

1. Split the bills down the middle.
Again, for many couples this is by far the easiest thing to do. It especially works great if both individuals have similar incomes .... and BOOM there we have it, INCOME!
Income is one thing many couples (not married individuals) couples hate discussing. I am one to agree because honestly why do you need to count my coins? Often at times when people are aware of what kind of money you make they try and use that to an advantage. Example: you make $15k more than me a year, you can handle paying the rent alone which leads to my 2nd option of living with your significant other ....

2. Split the bills based on percentage.
If there is a significant difference in the amount of money each person makes then a percentage seems fair, but please let the percentage be reasonable such as a 60/40 ordeal. Now let's be clear that the difference must be a meaningful difference in $$$. It can't be because they make $3-5k more than you a year, a good example of a significant difference would be if you make $75k a year and your boyfriend makes $50k a year, then ideally the person who makes the most amount of money would be responsible for 60% of the household bills. Sounds fair right? But just in case you don't like option 1 or 2 then it brings me to the final option of living with your significant other ...

3. Pick and choose.
Some couples believe in pick and choose. For example, let's say the agreement is to split the rent 50/50, great start, and then the remainder of the bills is a pick and choose. He may choose to pay the electric and water bill and you end up with the cable bill. Everyone has a responsibility when it comes to bills in the household.

Regardless of how you choose to split the bills, an amicable decision must be made and preferably before you decide to move in together. Many things change over the years, but one thing that remains the same within many relationships is the stress factor about money. Money is one of the biggest stresses in a relationship and the leading cause of many arguments.