I dated someone ... or at least I thought I was dating them. Time wasn't in our favor, we both worked and both made excuses. Then finally BOOM ... we connect. Yes we connect after all of the failed attempts the time was coming, it was guaranteed, it was a sure thing. Why was I so excited? Why was I so intrigued? What was it about him? Our conversations were sincere, his interest in me was captivating, and his support for things I spoke passionately about wanting to achieve didn't go unnoticed. He was different, he was like a breath of fresh air in a pair of Gorilla Glue inhaled lungs. Some days he was like a slow groove during a spin cycle. He was just different, and it felt like being on top of the Ferris wheel at the hood carnival and viewing the city from a different view, with a new set of eyes. I don't want to say that it was love but it was something worth wanting to know much more than face time calls and text messages. Never ending smiles and good conversation, mind intrigued much more than the body & so it was time, time to quit playing, time to spend time in each other's presence and see if the physical connection existed as much as I imagined it to. Our initial visit was short lived it was a pop up appearance, something unexpected but just enough to make a person smile. Our time together would come at a wedding. I am thinking to myself, well damn what better place to explore each other's souls than in a place filled with love. I want to look good, I want to smell good, I want our vibes to connect, I want to know if the plan moving forward is you and I. I'm all in. Surrounded by love and laughter, here we are at this wedding, guests of honor, but what I am honoring more than the wedding itself is your presence. Chill, let me keep my cool, let me stay calm it's just what I keep telling myself, put your guard up, play hard to get and keep the butterflies in the cage. This is all I keep periodically telling myself, from me parking my car at your home and you greeting me telling me how nice I look and how good I smell. During the car ride to the wedding and even to the reception, and even when I decided to put on my flip flops for the reception and you offered to hold my shoes, I just kept saying to myself "chill yo, don't let it loose." So we laugh, we smile, we pose for the photo booth and we enjoy each other's company and as the evening whines down I think to myself "damn I wouldn't mind doing this again, spending time with this man." But during my time I spent on the cloud I must've missed something down below. The feeling began to fade and things slowly began to change. I battled with a loss I never expected to deal with for about another 30 years and now here I was having time for my mind to wander and my soul to ache and cry. Time goes by and then all of a sudden a few months and not many but really what felt like two weeks passes and a picture is posted and my mind thinks "damn" maybe what I felt wasn't really worth feeling. I think damn, what did I miss? Did I not get the memo? It was all good just a week ago right? OR was I wrong? Here I was, sitting here asking myself a million and one questions while my heart felt left behind on the Hudson .... and I didn't fight to have it back, I just left it there to drown, on the Hudson. Time went by, pages were put on my block list, numbers were placed on my block list, I was just in a space where I left that part of my heart on the Hudson. And now here I am asking myself, why didn't you go back and get your heart from the Hudson? Sometimes, our pride is so big that our eyes can't see over, around or under it ... and this is where the story ends but everyday I want to ask him, if I came back to the Hudson for my heart would you meet me on the bridge?
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