how soon do men really expect sex?

Being how all I have really is male friends/associates I get the most feedback and blog topics from them. Then again having 8 brothers doesn't make it easy either. But let's get serious, how soon do men really expect sex from women? I don't know about you but I have heard guys say, if he doesn't feel like he's going to get some after 3 dates, he doesn't even bother asking the woman out again. 

As crazy as it may sound I wasn't even in disbelief. Times have changed with dating and sexual encounters. Everything is often give it to me now or get going. So I conducted a little survey with a few of the guy friends/associates and it only confirmed that all my homies are HOES (LOL) nah I am joking (but I am sort of serious)! 

The question was "how soon do men really expect sex?" & the responses:

John: well soon as possible because most men not going to attempt to take a girl seriously until we know if the sex good or not

Fogle: nowadays 2-3 weeks we live in a microwave age now

Valmond: depends on the vibe but within three dates generally

AA: it's very different for me with maturity to be honest. if there is sexual chemistry I'm going to try the first night. NOT expect but try there's a difference. 

D: I don't really have a time frame for sex expectations. Each encounter has it's own time frame. It depends on the two or three people involved! 

Squidward: if we spend any money, gas, extra time on you at that point we expect sex. In any case if we look at you we expect sex. 

GSO: wouldn't say there's an expectation, unless it's already clearly stated that's what's going down. 

AND THIS PROVES I KNOW A LOT OF HOES !!! LOL

No sir, but most of the homies keep it 100% and are always horny. So let's discuss. 

There is only one hard and fast rule when it comes to finally having sex with your crush: do it when you're comfortable. We expect nothing more, nothing less. Despite what your favorite sitcom told you growing up, there is no such thing as the "three date rule" in today's world. Women that sleep with a man on the first date are not sluts. Women that wait three months to have sex are not prudes. Any gentleman worth a damn will agree.

Not to many people are familiar with the urban "third date rule" so let me school you.

The third date is generally considered the "sex date." It is the average number of dates until it is deemed proper and acceptable to have sex with a new mate; therefore, the Third Date Rule is the implementation of this theory.

So what difference does it make if it's the 1st date/encounter, 3rd date or 13th date? Sex shouldn't even be viewed as a “down payment” on a relationship and men receive it as a “thank you” for taking her out to dinner. And having sex on the first date shouldn't negatively impact your chances of a long-term relationship. Cause often it's just sex that both of the parties want and nothing more.

Some fear that if you have sex on the first date that maybe the man won't take you serious if you are really interested in getting to know him. *rubs hands together* It all depends on the guy, a great relationship can stem from sex on the first date and some men may not take you serious. Which makes me question the double standard, especially when men have random hookups with women ... but that's neither here nor there. Save it for another topic. 

Not too many men are going to tell you NO if you want to have sex on the first date !!! If you do find one who says NO let's wait, he may be a keeper or an undercover creeper. One can never be to sure these days. Chemistry is chemistry. It's no reason NOT to enjoy one another if the chemistry is there for sure. Your decision to have sex is that of your own and not his. Regardless, guys who are interested in you and want to see you will still follow up and pursue you — especially after they've seen you naked. 

Let's strip sexual activity of all it's damaging implications and bring it back to what it is: just sex. AIN'T SHIT WRONG with having sex on the first date. MEN are not going to think less of you or judge you. MEN are not going to slut-shame you. And WOMEN shouldn't feel apologetic or guilty.

Truth be told not waiting and holding out may be the best decision you can ever make. Cause if the sex is wack you move right along ... it's nothing worse than holding out 3 weeks or 3 months to be disappointed sexually. (yes it still happens) If you're feeling hot and you want it, then you should have absolutely no qualms about going for it.

CAN YOU DATE SOMEONE YOU HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH?

I agree that opposites do attract, but not when you have absolutely NOTHING in common. I have always been open minded to dating men from different backgrounds, religious standpoints, etc. Don't get me wrong I still think it's great to meet people who are different, have different perspectives, challenge you and open you up to experiencing life in new ways. But there's a huge difference between "they know how to meringue and I've never done that before" and "we have nothing to talk about over dinner!"

What I have found to be true, is that people who date become more alike over time and you build common interests, so it's not that important that you have everything in common with each other. It's important to date someone you have some common interests with. One thing with dating that we need to understand is PEOPLE ARE NOT PROJECTS !!! Take my word for it please. We all have dated someone in the past in whom we thought we could mold into the person we wanted them to be ... example; oh he/she smokes weed but I bet I can change that. Do you know how fucked up that is? Getting into a relationship out of a place of pure judgment? Often what a person does in their spare time or part time life doesn't define them ... like Drake said "smoke a lot of weed but her shit's together." If you are dating someone just to change them, let me spare you the headache ... people don't often change! Not saying change isn't possible and that change isn't good, but if that's your whole motive then you are already entering a relationship for all the wrong reasons.

Have you ever dated someone because of who they are or because of their job? Don't lie .... I am sure we all have at some point in time in our lives. But the reality is this, common interests are often what bring two people together but they will NOT keep you together. What I have been told is that common interests have nothing to do with COMPATIBILITY. I always shake my head and say "how Sway how?" but it holds some validation. Compatibility is about respect, first and foremost. Example: if you like running and I don't we can be perfectly happy together - just as long as you not out here judging me for not running and I am not trying to stop you from running. Simple as that.

The beauty of getting to know someone is asking the right questions and getting honest answers. Be aware that with honesty comes answers we won't like and that's cool. People are allowed their opinions. So again I ask ... is having things in common necessary for a relationship to thrive? Can the relationship work? Often people are interested in you and you think to yourself .... would this even work? What I have grown to see over the years, is that the older you get the more your views change on certain topics. When I was in my 20's dating was fun and a lot of things didn't really matter as much. But what I am now realizing in my 30's is that common interests mean just a little bit more than they did in my 20's. It's hard to build something with someone you share NO common interests with. Can a social butterfly date a caterpillar? Possibly. The differences are always needed when dating because it allows you both to grow and explore new things, but how can you get to explore the growth when you can't get past the first stage due to no common interests?

Don't ever be subjective to believe that a great relationship requires common interests, but do know this !!! There is nothing wrong with your relationship if you don't share common interests or activities. BUT and let me repeat that part ... BUT if you and your partner are forcing yourselves to engage in common activities and the communication is hard (via text, calls, over dinner, etc.) and the results are stress, tension, conflict and lack of interest DON'T DO IT!

Oh and don't let SEX be the binding factor either. Yes they may be great in bed, but if we can't hold a great conversation outside of the bedroom it won't work. A relationship can't be built off just SEX alone (don't get me mistaken because it does play a factor). 

THE FRIEND ZONE

FRIEND ZONE GONE WRONG?

I am sure we all have regretted throwing someone in the friend zone, possibly tossed Mr./Mrs. Right in there because of one simple flaw that made you throw a curve ball. Once someone is placed in the friend zone is there any way of coming out of the friend zone? For me personally, I always say NO because if I friend zone you it's damn near a done deal. You are now like a brother to me, or my annoying cousin from up north, etc. But ask yourself this "are we friend zoning all the wrong people without giving them a chance?"

Ever been told ... you're a great listener? you're a real catch? just to name a few ... that my dear is often when you have officially been friend zoned. 

The great irony is that the friend zone really doesn't exist. The notion that once people make friends, they will never progress to a romantic relationship, is quickly debunked by a glance at the real world, replete with couples who were friends for months or years before their relationship sparked. “Friend-zoning is a terrible thing. The idea of a friend zone is like a terrible, male… have you ever heard a girl say she’s in the friend zone? It’s a thing I think men need to be really careful about using… I definitely think the idea of friend zone is just men going, ‘This woman won’t have sex with me.'" It has been said that in this day and age women are well known for placing men in the friend zone.

Do women regret ever putting guys in the "Friend Zone"?
Have any of you ever gone back to them after letting them go for someone else? Do you ever think about them afterwards? I hear that once you're in the friend zone, it's pretty much a done deal. What are some of the signs to identify if you are in the "friend zone"?

* chosen communication is TEXT .... no I don't mean sexting either ! all communication is done via text and you barely know what his/her voice sounds like.
* he/she is a grouper - not sure what a grouper is? someone who prefers to hang out in mostly groups. don't get me wrong meeting each other's friends is great, but if a girl/guy really likes you they will only want to spend time with you and see you !
* your one on one time is nonsexual. now please don't get me wrong it's not to say you should be dropping panties/boxers immediately but if their is an interest there, of course it would be a sexual spark or even some kind of conversation along the lines.
* he/she talks about other guys/girls they are interested in with you. If I can talk to you about dudes I talk to or have interest in then you are in the "friend zone"

So is the friend zone actually worth being in? Think about it honestly.

From a man’s point of view, the friend zone is usually perceived as the absolute worst place you want to be….OR IS IT? My position on the friend zone is a little different than most men and from most women. I think the friend zone allows you to get to know the woman better than you would if you were to just hop into a situation where you are dealing with her on an intimate level. Think about it, when you’re in a relationship the person that you are with should be like your best friend. There shouldn’t be anything that you can’t tell that person and nothing they should be able to share everything with you . So the best way to start a relationship that is truly worth anything is to start off as friends. When a woman trusts you with her friendship you can get the information from her that should help you decide if she is even worth pursuing. A lot of times women tell you things without actually telling you. All you have to do is engage in conversation and listen. Not only that, even if you never get out of the friend zone with that particular woman, she is more then likely to give you insight and information that you can use in the future with other women. A lot of men think that they have to kick some type of game in order to make sure that they stay out of the friend zone. <--- PURE BULLSHIT !!! 

 But the fact of the matter is, the key to staying out of the friend zone is honesty. All you have to do is be honest with the woman. She will respect that a lot more then if you are pretending to be her friend just to get a taste of her cookies. If you are only trying to get the drawls, then just let her know and see if she is down with it. I always tell my friends this because 85% of the time you will meet a woman who is just about the sex and nothing more. So why waste time with pursuit if your intentions are just sexual?  If she is with it, then you have just landed into a “friends with benefits” situation. The good thing about that is that if you really like her then the friends with benefits has the possibility of turning into a real deal relationship. Don’t be afraid of those types of situations either. Sometimes the friends with benefits can turn out to be the best ones for you. You’ve been friends for so long, and you just begin to know each other so well that it only makes sense that you take things to the next level and pursue a relationship with the person.

I bet you thought I wouldn't get on the ladies huh?
Now ladies, you have to know that the friend zone is an asset to you, BUT you have to use it wisely. You can’t just go putting every dude you meet in the friend zone just because you are waiting on Idris Elba to pop into your life. You need to use the friend zone as a way to get a better understanding of men, and why we do what we do. Choose the men who you put into the friend zone very very wisely. If the man isn’t bringing some sort of value to your life, then you need to cut him of. NOT FRIEND ZONE HIM .... CUT HIM OFF !!! We can't hold onto anyone or anything that doesn't add some kind of value or purpose to our life, whether it is emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.  At least be honest with him and let him know that this relationship is going no further then the occasional phone call, text messages while you’re bored at work, and a meal from Ruby Tuesdays on your off pay weeks. If you have a dude that you know you only want to be friends with, you need to tell him so that there are no unrealistic expectations on his part. A dude will spend a lot of his time and money just because he thinks he has a shot at becoming more than friends. You don’t really want to do this to a guy who is a genuine good dude. Because all you are doing is damaging this man and making it harder for the next woman. Now if it’s somebody who you don’t really care about and you know he only wants sex, aye that’s all part of the game. You may want the same thing that he wants. Or then again you may not. Just don’t lead the guy on. Let him decide if he wants to be in that friend zone or not. The friend zone definitely has its purpose, but I think the key to it is communication. The key to any great relationship is COMMUNICATION. If you feel like you’re in the zone and you don’t want to be, you have to let her know. It’s possible that she put you there subconsciously and didn’t know that you really had an interest. Ladies, if you want to put a man in the zone then you HAVE to let him know where he stands if he is making any type of moves on you. It’s only fair that when you see signs of the friend zone developing that you discuss it with the other party so that neither of you is wasting your time. 

What do you say? Do you think that women and men feel the same way about the friend zone?