Dating in your 30's

Remember when you were younger and dating was fun? You know back in your 20's when we probably didn't have a care in the world, maybe had 1 or 2 boyfriend/girlfriends at the same time? Boy have the times changed !!! Dating in your 30's is definitely NO walk in the park. When we enter our 30's our mind frame changes about many things, what kind of significant other we are looking for, are kids acceptable, if so how many is to many, does he/she have a job, 401k plan, invested into something other than free before 11, do they still believe in partying every damn weekend, do they have a car, still live at home with their mom/dad, and the list just goes on and on. Remember in your 20's none of these things seemed relevant as much as they do now? Now in my 30's I am concerned as to whether or not he has a job, does he have a 5 year plan, is he looking to shack up or settle down, what's his idea of fun (traveling and making memories)  or hitting the club and overpaying for VIP and bottle service. One thing I have taken great notice of about men in my 30's is definitely their wardrobe. Does he still think Timberland boots is an all time go to shoe, is he standing in line for a pair of Jordan's that he had back in 2005 which have been re released in 2015 for 2-3 times it's original sale price? Does he know how to dress up in a suit and tie or a nice pair of slacks and dress shoes? Believe it or not some people don't ... I still know plenty of females in their 30's who are buying every pair of Jordan's and cut up jeans but don't know how to walk in a pair of 4-6 inch stilettos or apply eye liner for a nice night out on the town or with a good man.

Now one thing about dating in your 30's and beyond is the pool gets smaller and your tolerance and patience level with folks become less and less. It is sad but yet is it so true, we often assume that most people are mentally in a place where they know what it is they want or are willing to work for now to have a great life and a game plan in order but that isn't always the case. The dating pool isn't as easy as going to the bar or club on a Friday or Saturday night and possibly meeting someone, when you enter into your 30's the scenery changes based on your expectations. Speed dating, brunch events, food festivals, city social events, possible day events, scholarship and fundraiser events, social media and POF dating sites and even sometimes these venues and sites can wear you out. But the truth is, it gets much more difficult in your 30's. Sometimes it can just be a little discouraging, you may even think about the one good boyfriend/girlfriend you had back in your 20's and ask yourself why didn't it work out? But I say that to say this "don't get discouraged" trust me I know it's hard - hell sometimes it even seems like mission impossible BUT one thing I have learned is in order to meet a good one you have to first deal with the bad apples !!!

Love is <3

to keep or to delete?

To keep or to delete? How long is to long to still have photos of an ex or a "jump off" in your phone? Is holding onto the pictures proving that you are still hoping for something to happen or still wishing to relive the moments that are dead and gone? If you are trying to move on with someone new yet you continue to hold onto something old are you holding yourself back? When I scroll thru my photos I see pictures of possibilities that didn't happen, exes, good times of what never became great times for whatever reason and much more. So to keep or to delete?

What reasons would you have to keep the photos? Black mail? Relive the moments? Prove a point? Not realizing that sometimes keeping the photos can be hurting your forward progression in life, with love and just mentally. How many memories start to flow when you scroll thru those photos and you think to yourself "damn it wasn't all bad" and right there at that point you try to convince yourself of how it could have worked out, things you could have done differently, or they could have done differently or start to question as to if maybe it was you or what's wrong w you for it to not have worked out. Right there at that moment, you withdraw from yourself, you love yourself a bit less, you question love a bit more, you allow worry to enter into both your heart and mind. So why do we keep the photos in our phone? Why do we keep the photos in old photo albums? Are we just wanting to hold onto memories that we know will never come back no matter how much we may want it to or are we holding on with hopes to relieve these moments once again?

To keep or to delete? I know it seems like life may end if and when we delete but think of it like this, that chapter of your life has already ended so why keep opening up that book/chapter that no longer serves purpose in your life anymore. We are now moving onto writing a whole NEW chapter in our lives .... let us DELETE and move on. I believe what lies ahead is truly better than what we have left behind ..... <3

Topic: should you stay in contact with ex's while in a new relationship?

Let's discuss this topic today, why not? It was a recommended topic by a relative.

Let me start of by saying this I generally speaking don't see an issue with keeping contact with an while in a new relationship. Often they are you're ex for a reason but just because we have exes doesn't always mean it ended on bad terms. Sometimes we just realize we aren't meant for each other in certain ways and a friendship may just be what serves each other best. My rule of thumb from past relationships was to try and always remain friends w my exes regardless of the situation (unless he betrayed me so much and got my best friend pregnant) you know things like that. Maybe an ex cheated on you in the past, doesn't mean you still can't be friends today. Sometimes you have to analyze the time line of when things happen in your life and why ... the young and dumb term has much relevance to it. Are you still hateful to your ex who cheated on you while you were 23? Let it go !!! You are now 30 and have learned so much about life to even let that still be a mirror image.

Now back to the topic in depth. I believe that it is possible. Reason so because my ex and I are great friends after all these years but it didn't happen overnight w our friendship. It ended sort of ugly but the reality of it was at that point and time in our life we didn't understand each other and it wasn't meant to be. I can truly say we have served so much more purpose in each other's lives as FRIENDS than we did being together as a couple. We are able to give advice w no judgment of one another on things from love, to life, school, family and just in general being happy. Now it is totally different if you and an ex haven't had contact in awhile and now all of a sudden you are in this new relationship and the ex is trying to be so "cordial" all of a sudden then that may raise an eyebrow or two. What makes you feel you and your ex can't keep in contact while being in a new relationship? Is your new partner a bit insecure of the friendship? Does the new partner not have any exes they are cordial with? (that would make me scared) or are you secretly hiding something that makes you not want to be in contact? It's nothing wrong w being friends, remember that we grow daily, BUT also remember they are an ex for a reason !

Remember it's ok to stay in contact with an ex while in a relationship ... just DON' T bring your ex into your new relationship !!! #thatisall

Love is <3

Love is ...

You ever met someone in life and thought to yourself if only we had another chance to do it again we could do it right? Maybe because now you both are older, much wiser and at a point in life where you truly know how to communicate and be able to reciprocate the love from one another?

Do you believe that an "ex" is an example of the type of person you don't want to cross paths with again? Are all exes the root of evil? I mean I do beg to differ, not all relationships end on bad terms. Some of the best relationships of true friendships are amongst some exes. But if you had a chance to do it all over again with an ex would you? Is it safe to say that "real love is pure and has no time frame" no matter how much time has passed, you sometimes get butterflies after all these years, you feel like your mental connection is so strong it feels wrong not being together. You watch that ex endure heartbreak, give advice, be supportive, their biggest fan in the stands, and much more but what is stopping you from being all that and much more to each other for the long haul? Pride is the ultimate serial killer ! (think about it) most exes who know they are meant for each other steer different paths because of pride, sometimes because of fear; fear that something will go wrong because it ironically feels so right.

Why is it that love often makes us afraid? Afraid to be vulnerable? Afraid to be honest with one another? Afraid to just often enjoy the moments? WHY? Because what one fear isn't love but themselves ... nothing holds us back from happiness but ourselves, not fear, not man/woman, nothing ! Has all love been lost or are you afraid to open the blinds to let it peek within your soul? Is it possible that your ex could be your next, but you're afraid of what those who don't matter would say? Maybe the ex isn't meant to be your next, but if you're afraid to open the blinds how will the next know that you're home?

Love is waiting .... <3

doing wrong waiting for things to go right

Still waiting for the right partner to come along and fulfill that dream of what you think your life should be like? Yes I understand I was too. Sometimes we are so set on all we want to go right we don't realize all the wrong things we are doing in between. Often we set our minds on one person or an image of what we want that person to be that we don't see the image of someone great passing us by. It happens. It's called life. But are you blinding yourself because you are afraid of what may come or are you scared of what is in front of your eyes?

Are you settling? So tired of waiting that you think you can turn someone who is so wrong for you into someone you want them to be? Change is good right? But is changing someone for your selfishness the answer? Is there a such thing as the perfect partner? How much are you willing to compromise for happiness?

Often we are doing all the wrong things to try and make it seem so right. Think about it ... how often have you said "love me as I am or don't love me at all" to a person yet you may have found yourself trying to make someone into the person you want them to be so you can love them? I realized when I entered into my 30's that honestly there is no perfect person someone will just be imperfectly perfect for you. I can surely make a list of all the wrong things I was doing on my search for Mr. Right; not wanting to date men who didn't eat seafood, west Indian food, if he ate pork it was a no go in my book, if he was a smoker (cigarettes - yet i am still against dating a smoker) that is just one thing I seemingly won't compromise just yet, if he was light skin he didn't stand a chance, how many kids did he have, and I can go on and on. All these things I was doing WRONG, limiting myself looking for Mr. Right not knowing my Mr. Right may be a light skin carnivore who loves pork and every part of the pig LOL - but it's true. So again how many wrong things have you done hoping to get things right?

Your Friends Ain't Loyal

You’re Friends Aren’t Loyal

You notice how often people are screaming that all they want out of folks is loyalty above any and everything else?

Have you ever researched the word loyalty to see if what it means is actually want you really want?

Loyalty: the quality of being loyal to someone or something. A strong feeling of support or allegiance.

Yes, it’s good to have loyalty amongst many of things but is that all that there is to offer one another. What good is the loyalty of a friend if they can’t be honest with you? Never thought of it like that huh … think of it like this, you and Tina have been friends for over 15 years and to you she is one of the most loyal friends you have in your circle but is she honest with you about the decisions you make in life, the choices you choose to take, the questions you ask and the advice that she gives? Think about it! Sometimes a loyal friend only knows that … how to be loyal! Is your most loyal friend a “yes friend” you know one of them people who just tell you what you want to hear instead of what you need to know? Sometimes we don’t know the difference because the truth isn’t what we want to hear even when we know how good it is for the soul.

Loyalty isn’t everything if there is no honesty within it all. I’d take an honest friend any day but that’s just my opinion. You ever had a friend tell you that they lied because they thought you couldn’t handle the truth? Crazy how that sounds right, but I am sure most of us have heard it once or twice. We never seem to understand how much a lie can hurt us until we actually see the truth with our own eyes. I always heard this saying “man can’t handle the truth” yet back then it didn’t make sense to me but when I slowly evolved into my 30’s I thought WOW now I get it. And even as we get older some people still can’t handle the truth, no matter how much it may stare you directly in your face, how written it out it may be on paper, and no matter how much you experience it in everyday life. What do your loyal friends offer you? Is there friendship consistent, has it been tried and tested then tried and tested again, has it ended only to begin again? How supportive are they of you and your life endeavors? Can you pray with them? Can you trust them enough to share secrets beyond extreme? How valid is your “loyal friendship” if there are things you haven’t shared with one another? So, again are you’re friends really loyal?