New Year ... New Views !!! Cheers to 2020

𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛. 2019 MAAAAY 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙖 𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙪𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙞𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙮𝙚𝙩 𝙬𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙞𝙩. 𝙁𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙬𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙞𝙩. P𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨; 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙥𝙨, 𝙟𝙤𝙗 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨; 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙙𝙙 𝙛𝙪𝙚𝙡 𝙩𝙤 𝙖 𝙣𝙤𝙩-𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩 12 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙝𝙨. 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 2019 𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚. L𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖, 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨, single-minded 𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙨, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙪𝙣𝙖𝙫𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙨/𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨/𝙛𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙮 𝙚𝙩𝙘. L𝙚𝙩’𝙨 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙞𝙣 2020. 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙖𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨, 𝙗𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙨, 𝙟𝙤𝙗 𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨, 𝙙𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙞𝙧𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙨, 𝙚𝙩𝙘. 

As the old Marie Kondo adage goes, 'when you get rid of old clothes (and bad habits), i.e., the stuff that no longer fits right, no longer feels good, and no longer meshes with who you are today, you give yourself permission to open up space for the stuff that fits better.'

G𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 divert 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙜𝙤𝙖𝙡𝙨. 𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙩𝙧𝙮 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠.

𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙀𝙭𝙘𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙨. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙢. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙁𝙚𝙖𝙧. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙉𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙏𝙤 𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙡 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝘼 𝙁𝙞𝙭𝙚𝙙 𝙈𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙚𝙩. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙏𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘 𝙋𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙉𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙏𝙤 𝙎𝙖𝙮 𝙔𝙚𝙨 (𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙏𝙤 𝙎𝙖𝙮 𝙉𝙤).

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙫𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙒𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙜𝙚𝙩 self-satisfied 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙟𝙤𝙗𝙨, 𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨, 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙨. 𝘿𝙤𝙣 𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖 so-so 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙫𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙩.

2 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙄’𝙫𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 …

1) 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚’𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙟𝙤𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙛.

2) 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙡𝙞𝙘𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙙𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙡.

M𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙟𝙤𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚 𝙙𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙝. S𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙖 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣. S𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣’𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡. B𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣, 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 I’𝙫𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙙, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙞𝙛 𝙞𝙩 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨. 𝙄 𝙥𝙧𝙖𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙤𝙥𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙜𝙤 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙣𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for. 

-Bob Marley 💚💙💛💜💓💙💚💛💜

🦄 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒 ... 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝒻 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝒶 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒. 🦄

𝐻𝑒𝓇𝑒’𝓈 𝓉𝑜 2020 🌟🌻🌻

Everyone Doesn't Deserve You !!!

Of all the people we will date in life, finding someone who truly deserves you will be like looking for a needle in a haystack. There will be individuals who’ll measure up in many ways but finding someone who really has your best interest at heart and is a balance with you in all the ways that matter isn’t always easy.  Because of this, every now and then we tend to hang on longer than we should when it’s just not right! Every now and then the person you’re dating doesn’t deserve you. Wait .... what did she say? 🤨 Yes chiiiilllle’ read it again .... sometimes the person you’re dating DOES NOT DESERVE YOU‼️

Have you ever met someone with a flawless relationship? Trust and believe it’s a lot of hurt behind closed doors, but so often we get caught up that we miss the signs. A partner is supposed to support you, so your doubts are limited.

SUPPORT:  bear all or part of the weight of; hold up. a thing (partner) that bears the weight of something (partner) or keeps it upright. to hold up or serve as a foundation. to keep from fainting, yielding, or losing courage: COMFORT

Now if you find yourself in a connection in which you are often wondering what the hell you’re doing with your life, then dear that is NOT a good sign. A relationship is supposed to be about finding your equal. If your companion makes you feel like you don’t measure up to their expectations, or if you don’t feel like you’re on the same page than .... 🛑 that my friends is another red flag. You may have accomplished more than your partner or vice versa, you may have your shit together and they could be working on getting their shit together ... regardless of the nature of your differences it should be respected, valued, appreciated and all the above. If someone doesn’t respect your dreams, understand your grind, and/or push you to be a better you than you were the day before then they don’t respect you either. Self-absorption is factual. Self-absorption can lead to a controlling relationship. A relationship should NEVER be about one individual ... but always recognize who’s needs get the most attention!

Everyone doesn’t deserve you!!! How do they make you feel? It’s one thing if you’re equal in position to their family and close friends, but you shouldn’t be second. No one should ever feel that they’re not of importance to their partner. If there’s a big imbalance in how much they give and how much you give, it simply means they’re not invested as much as you. You want someone who’s giving it their all and not being just half-assed about you or your relationship. Just remember how perfectly fine you were doing before them and how perfectly fine you will do after they are gone. You can't be with someone like this—someone who makes you feel unhappy, depressed, confused, and wounded.

** DO NOT LOSE YOURSELF **

It’s normal to change a bit in a relationship, as a means to adjust, but you should never lose yourself completely. Sometimes we miss the signs of change and look at it as “evolving!”

EVOLVE: to produce by natural processes

Keyword: NATURAL ... not because or for someone else.

Don’t allow that breakdown to happen. Don’t let your companion break you! It’s in that breaking point that insecurities arise and your self-worth plunges. That is not the sign of a healthy relationship. People who make those they claim to love feel inferior are dealing with their own problems and hang-ups. You’re better than that. To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Don’t give them that permission. It’s sad how someone can go from being the reason you wake up smiling ... to the reason you cry yourself to sleep at night! Just remember how perfectly fine you were doing before them and how perfectly fine you will do after them. Your life doesn't depend on them ...if you're giving your all to someone and they can't even appreciate it, then what are you doing? You give your heart to people who don’t deserve it because your uncertainty of self. You think, maybe I’m asking for too much, or being unreasonable, but you shouldn’t have to guard your wants and needs, and the right person would definitely be willing to meet them. Your feelings aren’t unreasonable and wanting the love you know that you deserve isn’t either.

** EVERYONE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU ‼️‼️“ 💜

Fear of Falling in Love💋💜

 

Who isn’t on some level fearful or resistant to, not just falling in love, but also living in love? Many of us, but how many will openly admit it? Here I am, experiencing the fear of happiness,  the fear of love, the fear of intimacy. With that fear we defend ourselves, self-protect, and self-sabotage when it comes to love or the possibility of anything good!

Liking someone is easy. It's controllable. It doesn't hurt you. You don't have to force it back like a tablespoon of “tussin”. It's delicate, but in the best way. Letting ourselves fall in love means taking a real risk. We must place ourselves in a great amount of trust in another person, allowing them to affect us, which makes us feel unprotected and defenseless. Our core defenses are tested. We tend to believe that the more we care, the more we can get hurt. We’re afraid to put ourselves out there and be vulnerable with our emotions.

Love is a risk, perhaps the biggest gamble we’ll take in our lives, let telling the dealer “hit me” when you have 17 in a game of black jack but hopeful for a 4. We make a choice to choose to put all our trust and faith into someone who, let’s be honest, we don’t even fucking know. Crazy right?!?! Love is that indefinable feeling that we’re all searching for. Who doesn’t want to fall in love? Who doesn’t want to be uncontrollably happy with someone else? Even those of us who claim to not currently be looking for a serious relationship (those is me … I am those) 😂😂😂– we have an unspoken contract with ourselves that would all change if the right person were to suddenly walk or “diddy bop” into our lives; because who would turn down the opportunity of falling in love? Love is completely different and way more complex, and that's my dear readers is why it's scary. Scary like Nightmare on Elm Street scary … This blog post is for the unprepared. Those who may have allowed the possibility of love creep up on them. And let me reassure you this one thing; NO MATTER how ready you feel you are, I guarantee that isn't enough. It may never be enough. And you must be OK with that. When we engage in a relationship, we are rarely fully aware of how we’ve been impacted by our past. The ways we were hurt in previous relationships, friendships and even kinship's. Old, negative dynamics make us wary of opening ourselves up to someone new. We find ourselves steering away from affection and intimacy, because it stirs up those old feelings of hurt, loss, anger, disappointment or rejection. “When you long for something, like love, it becomes associated with pain,” the pain you felt at not having it in the past or never having at all.

What I am starting to understand is that love is about being OK. You must learn to be OK with rescheduled dinners, and families, and the possibility of forever. You must learn to be OK with sometimes coming up short because you don't know enough. Many of us scuffle with underlying feelings of being unlovable. We have an uneasy feeling of our own value and believing that anyone could really care for us. Why would they? We all have a “dangerous inner voice,” which acts like a red headed stepchild inside our heads that tells us we are undeserving and unworthy of happiness. Love means not just spending time together but also learning and understanding the element of spending time apart and being able to continue with life and not melting down, being honest about the silliest things and even the things we rather not be honest about at all. That's all tough to accomplish.

That “inner voice” can be damaging and unpleasant, but at the same time it’s also comfortable in its familiarity. When someone sees us differently from our voices, affectionate and appreciating us, we start to feel uncomfortable and defensive, because it challenges who we are. BREATHE!!! 😣😖I know it's weird. I know it’s much easier said than done, too. Truth be told, being scared to love someone else isn't about the other person; it's about you. You feel insignificant and confused. Tenacious views of not being good enough plague you every waking moment and if you are like me even your sleeping moments. But I am learning day by day that I am enough as are you! Any time we experience true joy or feel the valuableness of life on an emotional level, we can expect to feel a great amount of unhappiness. I tend to be one of those people who will quickly shy away from the things that would make me happiest, why. Because they also make me feel pain. The opposite is also true. We cannot selectively numb ourselves to unhappiness without numbing ourselves to happiness. When it comes to falling in love, I’m hesitant to go “all in,” for fear of the unhappiness it could stir up in me. Someone once said to me, “You can never be anything worse than the demons in your own mind, so free yourself of small worries and breathe”. The hesitation of getting involved with someone, because that person “likes me too much.” But one thing that love can often be is imbalanced, with one person feeling more or less from minute to minute. Our feelings toward someone are an ever-changing force. In a matter of seconds, we can experience anger, irritation or even hate for a person we love. Worrying over how we will feel keeps us from seeing where our feelings would indeed go. “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” ...

I rationalize to myself a million reasons I shouldn’t be in a relationship. Nevertheless, the reasons I give often have doable solutions, and what’s really driving me is the deeper fear of loss. Relationships bring up an ambush of challenges. By getting to know ourselves, we give ourselves the best chance of finding and maintaining long-lasting love. Here’s the deal: when it comes to relationships, the only thing we can be certain of is uncertainty. We’re all a little afraid; some of us simply choose to push through the fear, and some of us don’t. Not a single person on this planet is fearless.

I now find myself trying to be the person who isn’t holding back their true feelings, the person who casts a shadow over her Shea Butter (raw) emotions; because the only person I am hurting in the process is myself. Worry about the what ifs, don’t worry about a future which you eventually can’t control, and don’t worry if you are the person who seems to always care more; because someone will always care more than the other. Allowing worry or guilt over how we may or may not feel keeps us from getting to know someone who is expressing interest in us and may prevent us from forming a relationship that could really make us happy. Maybe even the happiest we have ever been. 

As rapper Drake's mama said, "Who the f*** wants to be 70 and alone?" Human interaction is important, but love is essential. Stop worrying. Stop wondering. Stop stressing. Love is hard but it is also easy. They call it falling in love for a reason, right? But we must let ourselves go to do so without wound.

"Love from ourselves and other people can help us feel like we have value. Deep down, we all want to be loved and wanted."  💖💘💋

Personal Conversation ...

People are often telling me, "God won't give you more than you can bear," or when someone is experiencing difficulty in their lives, we often say to them, “Don’t worry, God won’t give you any more than you can handle.” But the truth of the matter is ....

Yes, God Will Give You More Than You Can Handle

I have been writing and writing in journals for so many years and when I have those random moments in which I look back through them I often read, “God, I can’t handle this anymore. I don’t know what to do ... I give up, I quit, if it's your will, why me, why can't it just be over, etc." Over the years circumstances in my life have been nothing short of overwhelming, everything crumbling, and my world literally fell apart within 365 days year after year after year for about 4 years straight and counting. Real talk, it has been so many days when people have come alongside me and tried to reassure me by saying, “God won’t give you more than you can handle,” & the first thought was to punch them in the face all while saying "are you serious? HE sees all this pain I am carrying yet I continue to endure more ... so does he think I'm built Ford tough?" 😕 When we are down and out and feeling discouraged, having a bad day, heartbroken, missing a loved one, etc; hearing those words don't mean SHIT and can cause us to feel like we aren't measuring up. It causes us to ask, “why can’t I handle it?”

Truth be told, God never told not nann (yes NOT NAAN) one of us that HE wouldn't give us more than we can handle. A few ugly truths are this:

1. There will be times in life when you will feel like you are drowning. 

2. There is no one to help you.

3. IT. WILL. HURT. LIKE. HELL ❗❗❗

Suffering doesn’t ask if you’re ready. It doesn't send a text message or put a reminder on our calendars. It may come slowly or unknown and often unseen and with a vengeance, but it doesn’t ask permission, and it doesn’t care about convenience, feelings, or fucks given for that matter. There’s never a good time for your life to be shattered. Trials come in all shapes and sizes, but they don’t come to show how much we can take or how we have it all together. Mind-boggling suffering will come our way because we live in a crippled world with damaged souls (people). And when it comes, let’s be clear that by no means whatsoever that we have what it takes to handle it. God will truly give us more than we can handle—but not more than HE can! Even though the words are meant for reassurance they can often serve as discouragement. Sometimes it can even tempt us to ignore our suffering and pretend it’s not there. It can lead us to believe the lie that we can do it ourselves; that we can handle it and the truth of the matter is WE CAN NOT! We stumble so much because we fail to recognize that sometimes we can’t make it on our own.

The verse most often quoted to support this is, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (I Corinthians 10:13) "Paul pointed out that we always have a choice: engage in sin or run from it. The promise is that God will always provide a way for us to run from it. Let’s be clear: Paul was talking about temptation, not suffering."

With temptation, we have a choice, but with suffering we often don’t have a choice. A few months ago, I remember being out with some colleagues and getting a text that read " ... in ICU she's holding strong but the doctors gave a tough report today. Sorry to text you with not good news. Love you.💗" I was already in suffering mode and the actual conversation happened shortly after. For days and days, I tussled with whether to fly home or just wait for the call and be ready for the end results. Sometimes, it seems as no matter how prepared you may or may not feel, you are still never really ready! I ended up flying home and just remember driving straight to the hospital from the airport , and I just sat there and wept 😢 and thought to myself, “I’d do anything to NOT have to experience this pain again” yet “I’d do anything to NOT let Jessica experience this pain alone.” It was one of the most powerless feelings that I was experiencing for the 4th year in a row all within another 365 days. Trust and believe that I did not choose this. My family did not choose this. In moments like these we feel utterly destroyed.

“This is too much for me!” A forever kind of thought. Those same words I have written over and over in many of my journals, even still till this' very day! Even Jesus has cried out, Matthew 26:38 “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” What I am learning in this lifetime and from my past time is it’s OK to feel like we can’t handle it, like we are going to give up. We can cry out, our souls can be empty, and there will be bad days. I believe that the reality is, once we are able to come to terms with who and what we are; and become aware that life will indeed give us more than we can handle, we find an assurance (BLESSED): God is faithful to meet us in the mess and in the pain. Makes perfect sense why they always tell us "cast our fears, worries, suffering and pain on God..." But even this can seem like a stale phrase. Because when it really hurts, I mean really hurts, like stubbed your toe against the door, couch, or bed kind of HURT .... God can seem so far away. This is where good friends and good friends in FAITH come in. You will help each other to move ahead, and you will need each other far more than those stale phrases. It is without a doubt that life becomes unmanageable, and you must have someone who is willing to walk alongside you; whether to hold your hand, hold the umbrella to weather the downpour, or chase the clouds away. Learning to be there for one another in the midst of all the anguish.

When we are willing to rest in the pain of one another, to ride out with one another when life’s highway turns problematic like I-77 during a morning commute (or any time of the day at this point) or I-95S if you didn't get on the road before 7AM, and to accept one another’s burdens when they are too heavy, we personify something so much greater. While life can sometimes be too much, through the goodness of HIM we become a living and breathing testimony .... many of us become a

Personal Conversation

Single or Settle ...

Settling is an ugly, depressing word. But the pressure to settle can be very real, even if it is not communicated explicitly. People who are single after a certain age are often seen as "too picky" and urged to lower their standards. We learn that our worth is tied up in our ability to find a mate; that marriage marks the passage into mature adulthood and is our most important adult relationship; and that we are not complete until we find our other half. But where the hell is this written down at, what book is this published in? And then there is the issue of our "biological clocks," I mean it's no wonder that people feel rushed to settle down before they are ready, or before they find the right match. People in bad relationships are often just as depressed and lonely as people who are single. Given the importance of social connection to our well-being, it clearly makes sense that we seek out intimate relationships, but when fear of being alone drives our romantic decisions, it can lead us to engage in poor judgment and to choose relationships that are unlikely to last, that make us depressed, or even leave us vulnerable to abuse (mentally and physically). I remember reading somewhere that ... If we take the “musical chairs” approach—“When you take a seat, any seat, just so you’re not left standing alone,” we may miss critical warning signs that a potential partner is bad news.

Being single is not always bad as it has its benefits. Being single is an opportunity to build strong friendships, devote yourself to activities and causes that you’re passionate about, and develop a sense of self-worth and identity that is not attached to another person's love and approval. All of these things truly serve us well if and when we find our self's in a relationship: if you feel satisfied in your life independent of your partner, you may be less likely to have the unrealistic expectation that your partner can and should meet all your needs, an expectation. Settling is what I like to call the safe bet, whereas holding out is a gamble. There is a reasonable chance that many of us won’t find true love. But the payoff is so much bigger. For every story you hear about someone who was too picky and ended up alone and miserable, there is another story about someone who stuck to their guns and ultimately found someone amazing who made the wait more than worth it. Would you rather meet the love of your life at age 40 and spend 50 wonderful years with them, or be stuck with someone you didn't really connect with for your entire adult life? Settling for an unhappy relationship because you’ve already invested a lot in it is like going to a concert when you're sick with the flu, or continuing to invest in a company that is doomed to fail. Loss is inevitable; it’s just a matter of whether you get out now and lose less, or stay invested and risk an even greater loss.

Now let me be clear about a few things. Accepting a person’s flaws does not mean having to settle for them. People are sometimes too perfectionist about the qualities they want in a partner and reject potentially great people for superficial reasons (like not being tall enough, he didn't have a beard, he's light skin, she didn't have a fat ass, I couldn't read her instead of getting to know her, and all that other shit we feed ourselves) that will not prove to be what matter in the long run (like kindness & CONNECTION). But when you fall in love with someone, accepting their shortcomings doesn’t feel like settling. Rather than picking apart a person’s negative and positive qualities, we should look at the big picture of who they are as a person and how we feel when we are with them. If the relationship feels right as a whole; like fresh hot biscuits from Red Lobster or ya momma's biscuit (yes ya momma's biscuits, LOL) and the important bases are covered then there is nothing that needs to be settled for. RIDE THAT SHIT THE FUCK OUT!

Relationships!!!! URGH ...  It is a scary thing in today's world. At least, I think so anyways. No one never likes being called “picky.” You start to contemplate questions like, “Am I being too hard on men?” or “Is what I want unrealistic?” Entertaining the word “picky” is the gateway drug to settling. Many of us have had at least one relationship with an emotionally unavailable person who didn’t really want to commit. Then many of us have gone on multiple dates with someone, despite an absence of something, chemistry, connection — that thing that makes us excited to put down our book, our phones when together, or face inclement weather just to see someone. (YES you remember that one person who you'd drive out to see during that winter storm and risk being snowed in with!)

The truth of the matter is no one tells you what it looks like to settle. It doesn't have a face, no one knows what it looks like, some don't even know how it feels. I had a friend ask me before, “What do you think it means to settle? I mean, what is it, actually?” My answer is “It’s settling if you feel like it is.” The definition of settling isn't universal because settling is individually felt. You have to believe that what you're looking for is out there, even though you're yet to encounter it. What's heartbreaking is that today many people aren't designed to settle on connection. And what is connection, anyway? It can be described a lot of ways: attachment, support, understanding, history, etc, etc, etc. But I believe it’s feeling the endless potential for growth with a single person, someone who seems to help you become more, which might be harder to find than ever before.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for ending a relationship or staying single. When you are single, you embrace it for what it is: AWESOME or at least that's what it's suppose to be. So then, when you begin dating, you begin looking for something else. Not saving, but something greater than what you have alone. Truth is women don’t “need” a relationship for opportunities, as they might have benefited from one in the past. Women are pursuing more, independent, financially and in spirit burning our sage, drinking our water and so much more. So don't allow someone to label you as "picky" just let them know you're "selective" SHIT you have every right to be. Again I remind you ... You don’t owe anyone an explanation for ending a relationship or staying single.

So, the next time you wonder if you’re settling, ask yourself if it feels like you are. The next time you wonder what connection really is, and if you’ve ever found it, ask yourself if you’ve felt that “click” with anyone who seemed to provide genuine opportunity for growth whether it's together or apart. I am a firm believer in love and feeling your romantic decisions deep in your core, like mind, body and soul type core, no matter what they are, and no matter who on the outside does/doesn’t understand. There is no formula, no secret. Whatever love-seeking decision you make, it’ll cost you. Just about everything in life comes with a price! You may let someone go you’re not so fond about and be alone for a long time, maybe forever. And you might stay with them and regret your decision, always wondering if you could have found someone better.

And maybe someday ... You and I. AGAIN 💕

“I was trying to be his wife. 

Yet he couldn’t divorce the streets....” 💔

It’s crazy that sometimes love isn’t even enough to save a relationship. 

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts like hell !!!"

Dear Summer ... if my moment didn't come right on time, yet at the most craziest time of my life, but we not know the time nor place right? OPPORTUNITY presented itself yet again. This set up was nobody but God, maybe even my mother, but regardless of who provided it, nonetheless it was there! Who said 2nd chances don't happen like we want them to? I mean there he was, still fine as ever (to me), still gave me butterflies, and did I mention still fine as ever? I felt like the girl from high school and the young woman in her early twenties all over again. But y'all know I "smized" and kept it moving. Small talk and all smiles .. I swear I still don't know what it is about him!

But he and I reconnected ... FINALLY ! 

When we reconnected I didn't think our situation would become anything more than two old souls reconnecting and hanging out. Honestly, in my mind I didn't even care, because I knew I was more than likely leaving back to North Carolina if I decided to accept this job offer on the table and no one in the family knew that but Lisha. But here we are several months later and I find myself still wondering what we could have been. I never knew what to consider us so I refer to myself as "the one you let WALK away".  I am the one you let walk away because of fear. I wish that you believed and understood the power in second chances because I think that things would have been a lot different. We could have been  having 2 a.m. breakfast dates at Waffle House because those always seem to be your functioning hours. We could have been rainy Sundays spent in bed and late Friday nights passing notes on bar napkins or at the movies. We could have been weekend vacations out of town or to the beach and spontaneous flights just so you could see more of what life has to offer. We could have been so many things but instead, we are nothing.

I wish that things had worked out differently because in my eyes I saw so much potential, but maybe I saw too much. Many will say that timing is everything when it comes to relationships, and besides friends and fears it was many things you needed to work on, but then again, so did I. Maybe one day in a few years we will run into each other again and the timing will be right; maybe third times a charm! But until then, if you are reading this just know that we could have been great. We still could be. 💕

If an opportunity is presented to you to be with someone you don’t want to lose and you allow fear or others to help you make the decision of whether to stay or go then rightfully so you deserve to be sad and stuck right where people leave you. But never allow the opinions of others who aren't happy and experiencing life to dictate yours ... 

My take away and lessons of life and love have been:

1. Life is about risk 

2. No one can speak on your situation with someone better than YOU ! 

3. Change can be good, it’s all about your perspective.💜 

If you’re afraid to love wholeheartedly then you’ll never experience life. 🦄✨

Life after Death

In moments when we are expectant of something we wait and then when it occurs we often feel stuck, unsure and confused. It's like our mind and body is reprocessing it all over again. That defines me in this moment. 💔 But even in the midst of all things unknown and uncertain one thing that's for sure is that God is real and in due time he will heal. The most valuable piece of information I had ever received during my time of sorrow was "don't allow anyone to dictate how you should grieve" because it may not hit you today or tomorrow; it could be 6 months from now or a year or possibly even 2 or more. Anticipatory grief is the thief that steals joy from the present. It's unshakable. Seemingly happy moments aren't so happy anymore and without warning you are swarmed with emotions. You want to spend every day living for each moment. But instead, you spend most days gripped in fear, panic, helplessness, and all the emotions in between. 

When it comes to dying, it can be unpredictable and last only a few minutes, or you can see it coming from a distance and it’ll last months or even years. It’s always hard to lose a loved one. What I can’t decide is if it’s harder to lose someone without notice or if it’s harder to watch someone fight that battle and lose every single day. Losing someone unexpectedly comes with a lot of uncertainty. Recently, I’ve known what it’s like to watch a loved one die and unexpectedly all within a year. A year ago today my mother lost her battle to cancer – one that started only 3 months priors to her succumbing. Three months of cancer quickly killing her body. Two months of constantly feeling ill and being in pain, and toughing it out, being confined from hospital to hospital to rehab to hospice. I sat by her side day in and day out, deprived of sleep, missed meals, prayed hard, and cried a lot. We all did. We did what we could to make her comfortable. There were close calls, yet all we could do was wait. I was already at terms with what was inevitably going to happen, but still waiting to suffer. 

"The thing about dying is that it isn’t something that you can put off. It’s not something that will just go away if you quit thinking about it, and it’s certainly not something you can say, “I’ll take care of it tomorrow.” Whether you’re prepared or not, it’s going to happen, and on its own terms, too. It’s not something you can negotiate, and even when you want it to come, it still won’t listen."

I kept waiting to get that phone call or text message telling me that she didn’t make it through the night on the days when I was at work or the nights I didn't stay with her at the hospital. I hated seeing her struggle the way she had, yet it was hard to imagine a life without her in it. There is no chance to say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean those things I said" and have an actual conversation. I remember telling her that if she was ready to let go, then it was okay to let go! 😢 Crazy right? I was just so at ease with what was happening that I knew God would take care of me but it was clear that he needed her too. I had nights I was scared to fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I feared I would miss her taking her last breath while I was there. 

July 5, 2018 .. 8:56 AM I remember it just being the two of us in the hospital room listening to the playlist of songs I wanted played during the funeral. Smokie Norful - "I Need You Now" & every word just hitting so close to home:

"If I never needed you before

To show up and restore

All of the faith that I let slip

While I was yet searching the world for more

The truest friend I have indeed

You are my best friend I know in me

I stretch my hands to thee

Come rescue me

I need you right away

The agony of being alone

Fear of doing things on my own

The test and trials that come to make me strong"

Time was winding down because they assured us you wouldn't make it through the 4th of July and you proved them wrong but I knew it was coming. About an hour later, I realized the breathing had become quieter. Her breathing became even and slower, like someone sleeping. At 9:53 AM or so, she breathed one breath and stopped. She breathed one more and then stopped again. There were no more breaths after this. I just remember hitting the call button for the nurse and saying "she's gone" and within minutes medical doctors and the hospice nurse came to confirm. Within a matter of minutes I sent out the family group text and it was over. I didn't get the "I love you" I wanted but I felt I got something much greater in the end. Her final days were filled with family members in and out of the hospital and to be alone, just the two of us in her final moments gave me peace "many who are first will be last ..." 💜 I feel honored to have gotten to be there with her until the end. I feel honored to have cared for her during her final hours. 😌

What you don’t realize until it happens is that even if you had weeks or months or years to prepare, it doesn’t hurt any less to lose someone you love. We are supposed to gain comfort from knowing they’re in a better place surrounded by other deceased loved ones where they aren’t feeling any pain. How selfish the human flesh can be to want those we claim to love to remain here in pain and suffering. We can have all the time in the world with people and sometimes it's never enough and sometimes we aren't given enough time for people to show us the world ... in grief, there is no stage called closure. Little by little we let go of loss BUT NEVER let go of love. He gave me 35 years with my mother and even though many years I felt motherless, even on her death bed all I wanted her to tell me was that she loved me, and just to hug me a bit more in this lifetime, one thing I find myself doing much more is thanking God for all the lessons I learned from her. There are so many people in this world who didn't have any years together with their mother for whatever reason ... God could have given me 35 more years with her and I'd probably still be selfish when he called her home. The truth is we are never ready to let go❗❗❗

I read something that said "life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." Because we often look at death as the opposite of life instead of a part of it. This thing we live called life is nothing but a brief intermission between life and death. 

The reality of losing someone after watching them die is that you will still feel empty. You will still feel numb. You might even feel a sense of unfairness. Watching someone you love die is one of the hardest things you may ever do. There were times when I sat in my car and cried and thought about how hard this was. “God why her, why right after Dre?,” I’d say to myself. It was harder than battling depression. And at times, I honestly didn’t know how I was going to make it through. I often feel as if I was deprived a great relationship ... the mother-daughter relationship is like no other. When your mother is gone there is no secure base to return to for a mother’s support and comfort. Daughter's feel it again with every year, every change at every stage of her life. You never outgrow needing your mother in life. Even though she has transitioned, I have many moments where I feel very disconnected from life happening around me. I want to be alone and quiet and just think about what her and my brother are doing in heaven; especially on days when I feel as if I am suffering here. I want to think about them so hard with hopes to feel their presence. I want to know that I did things right by her and did not cause her to suffer any greater than the cancer and other illnesses did. I want to know that she is not scared or in pain and yet I also don’t want to worry about any of these things. 

1 year later and yet many days I find myself in that sunken place. My soul isn't quite at ease but I get up everyday; and try and make the most of everyday hoping that the day doesn't make the most of me. They always tell me, God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers ... and as much as I bend,  HE has never let me break. I've learned that there are battles in life that you will face alone and then there will be many that will align you to be of service to others in their time of need so they won't have to face it alone. Pain and suffering are such horrible essential tools of growth! "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." #thankyouGodforthesuffering #thankyouGodforthepain 💕🙏🕊