NEW YEAR ... DO YOU !!!

New Year New Me

A phrase said by people who don't realize that change happens when you make or someone else makes it happen, not when time passes.

This year is going to be the one when you put your own needs first, when you honor where you are no matter what, and when you identify the importance of self-awareness and what love looks like from the inside out.

I promise you that one thing I started to learn more and more every day is that nobody owes you shit. NOBODY. You owe yourself any and everything that you feel you truly deserve. For many years I downplayed myself. Downplayed my talents, my skills, and everything that was within me so that I wouldn’t outshine a coworker, friend, family member etc. In 2017 my brother was murdered and even though he had his troubles in the past, what I always knew was that he was my biggest supporter in anything I wanted to do. I could tell him I want to jump off the bridge and he would ask me if I have a game plan executed so it’s done properly. (bad analogy I know right) But to be honest, I remember when I got into fitness and thought it would be a hobby and it wouldn’t become nothing. My brother would always tell me it would become whatever you want it to become and he became the reason why I studied for certification to become a Certified Personal Trainer. My brother was great at everything!!!  I felt it was nothing he couldn’t do. He could build playgrounds, put a power wheel together in 20 minutes, and draw his ass off. When he was locked up, I would send him books to fuel his mind so that the walls wouldn’t consume his mind, and in return he would send me books that I would never read. Losing him put a void in my heart but it also reignited a lot of talents that I dumbed down for years. Talents that he fueled, and I didn’t.  Sometimes we deny ourselves our own happiness and it sounds crazy but it’s true. By dimming our lights for fear of how others may feel. By dimming our lights in fear of being greater than someone else. Or just by dimming our lights for fear of how bright we will shine. 

In 2020 … don’t dim yourself anymore, don’t downplay yourself, don’t be less than, don’t be afraid to shine! We all would love for people to love us and celebrate us in every single way, and many won’t. But as a friend, all we ask is that you are supportive and what I have learned is that not everyone will support and love you like you love them. I love and support mine hard, and everyone doesn’t have to see or understand your vision but just be encouraging.

So, no New Year, New Me …. Because resolution sounds strong, finite, and intimidating and often we fear those things … so to 2020 New Year, DO YOU and with pure intentions! To be able to keep a resolution, you also need to let it go … let go of any obstructive energy you might feel, such as frustration, pressure, or expectation. When satisfying a New Year’s commitment, all you can do is keep moving forward and put in the necessary time and effort. Even if you feel like you’re not achieving enough or going fast enough, do as Fredheim says and “trust the process.”

2020 is going to be all about setting ourselves up for emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical success. In order to do such greatness …  I'll share some ideas for a great 2020 💜💛💙

Make self-care a priority.

Self-care isn’t just one thing, IT IS EVERYTHING … and it’s not the same thing to everyone. Self-care means taking time to focus on things that contribute to your well being. Self-care can be taking a bath, going to the doctor or therapy, scheduling thirty minutes for yourself to read at night, or simply saying NO!

Breathe.

When you feel yourself getting worried or anxious, try taking a long inhale in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Even taking a few deep breaths throughout your day can help you relax and find more presence and peace, especially in tough situations.

Practice gratitude.

Gratitude is the attitude! There’s always something to be grateful for — waking up, a house (even if it is not a home YET), a job, the sunshine, fresh air (even if it’s snowing, raining or gloomy), friends, family. Instead of counting all the things that go wrong, count all the way things go right and watch things transform. Difficulties turn into opportunities and abundance becomes the name of the game. By focusing on what we have, we get more of that back from the universe!

 

Record the good, the bad, and the ugly.

One thing I have learned? The importance of writing things down. Writing things down feels good and it can help us get things out of our head so we can see the world from a clearer perspective. A journal can change your life.

Utilize mantras.

If you’re looking to fill your life with some more positivity, or just a reminder of how DOPE you are, you can try using mantras. Try making up your own mantras based on what you need at the moment. You can write these on paper and tape them on your mirror, then speak them to yourself each day. Repeat your mantra to yourself at least three times, or whenever you need a reminder of how FCKN DOPE you are. Switch them up and see what resonates and works best for you. My mantra for 2020 so far is ….

Surround yourself with things that make you happy.

If it doesn’t serve you, let it go. Repeat after me and then repeat it again:

If it doesn’t serve you, let it go.

Whatever it may be: FRIENDS, FAMILY MEMBERS, BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND, HUSBAND/WIFE, THE JOB YOU HATE, THE CLOTHES THAT DON’T FIT BUT YOU STILL SQUEEZE INTO …. DAMN IT LET IT GO!!!! Life is too short and way too uncertain to spend it surrounded by things that drain you. Surrounding yourself with people who fulfill you and not deplete you is vital.

2020 is going to be all about setting ourselves up for emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical success!!! Last but not least don’t forget to Be Kind to Yourself <3 … So, speak (and think) kindly to yourself and care for your body and environment.

 

New Year ... New Views !!! Cheers to 2020

𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛. 2019 MAAAAY 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙖 𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙪𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙞𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙮𝙚𝙩 𝙬𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙞𝙩. 𝙁𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙬𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙞𝙩. P𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨; 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙥𝙨, 𝙟𝙤𝙗 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨; 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙙𝙙 𝙛𝙪𝙚𝙡 𝙩𝙤 𝙖 𝙣𝙤𝙩-𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩 12 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙝𝙨. 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 2019 𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚. L𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖, 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨, single-minded 𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙨, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙪𝙣𝙖𝙫𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙨/𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨/𝙛𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙮 𝙚𝙩𝙘. L𝙚𝙩’𝙨 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙞𝙣 2020. 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙖𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨, 𝙗𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙨, 𝙟𝙤𝙗 𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨, 𝙙𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙞𝙧𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙨, 𝙚𝙩𝙘. 

As the old Marie Kondo adage goes, 'when you get rid of old clothes (and bad habits), i.e., the stuff that no longer fits right, no longer feels good, and no longer meshes with who you are today, you give yourself permission to open up space for the stuff that fits better.'

G𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 divert 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙜𝙤𝙖𝙡𝙨. 𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙩𝙧𝙮 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠.

𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙀𝙭𝙘𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙨. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙢. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙁𝙚𝙖𝙧. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙉𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙏𝙤 𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙡 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝘼 𝙁𝙞𝙭𝙚𝙙 𝙈𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙚𝙩. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙏𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘 𝙋𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙉𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙏𝙤 𝙎𝙖𝙮 𝙔𝙚𝙨 (𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙏𝙤 𝙎𝙖𝙮 𝙉𝙤).

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙫𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙒𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙜𝙚𝙩 self-satisfied 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙟𝙤𝙗𝙨, 𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨, 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙨. 𝘿𝙤𝙣 𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖 so-so 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙫𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙩.

2 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙄’𝙫𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 …

1) 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚’𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙟𝙤𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙛.

2) 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙡𝙞𝙘𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙙𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙡.

M𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙟𝙤𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚 𝙙𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙝. S𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙖 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣. S𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣’𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡. B𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣, 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 I’𝙫𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙙, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙞𝙛 𝙞𝙩 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨. 𝙄 𝙥𝙧𝙖𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙤𝙥𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙜𝙤 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙣𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for. 

-Bob Marley 💚💙💛💜💓💙💚💛💜

🦄 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒 ... 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝒻 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝒶 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒. 🦄

𝐻𝑒𝓇𝑒’𝓈 𝓉𝑜 2020 🌟🌻🌻

Everyone Doesn't Deserve You !!!

Of all the people we will date in life, finding someone who truly deserves you will be like looking for a needle in a haystack. There will be individuals who’ll measure up in many ways but finding someone who really has your best interest at heart and is a balance with you in all the ways that matter isn’t always easy.  Because of this, every now and then we tend to hang on longer than we should when it’s just not right! Every now and then the person you’re dating doesn’t deserve you. Wait .... what did she say? 🤨 Yes chiiiilllle’ read it again .... sometimes the person you’re dating DOES NOT DESERVE YOU‼️

Have you ever met someone with a flawless relationship? Trust and believe it’s a lot of hurt behind closed doors, but so often we get caught up that we miss the signs. A partner is supposed to support you, so your doubts are limited.

SUPPORT:  bear all or part of the weight of; hold up. a thing (partner) that bears the weight of something (partner) or keeps it upright. to hold up or serve as a foundation. to keep from fainting, yielding, or losing courage: COMFORT

Now if you find yourself in a connection in which you are often wondering what the hell you’re doing with your life, then dear that is NOT a good sign. A relationship is supposed to be about finding your equal. If your companion makes you feel like you don’t measure up to their expectations, or if you don’t feel like you’re on the same page than .... 🛑 that my friends is another red flag. You may have accomplished more than your partner or vice versa, you may have your shit together and they could be working on getting their shit together ... regardless of the nature of your differences it should be respected, valued, appreciated and all the above. If someone doesn’t respect your dreams, understand your grind, and/or push you to be a better you than you were the day before then they don’t respect you either. Self-absorption is factual. Self-absorption can lead to a controlling relationship. A relationship should NEVER be about one individual ... but always recognize who’s needs get the most attention!

Everyone doesn’t deserve you!!! How do they make you feel? It’s one thing if you’re equal in position to their family and close friends, but you shouldn’t be second. No one should ever feel that they’re not of importance to their partner. If there’s a big imbalance in how much they give and how much you give, it simply means they’re not invested as much as you. You want someone who’s giving it their all and not being just half-assed about you or your relationship. Just remember how perfectly fine you were doing before them and how perfectly fine you will do after they are gone. You can't be with someone like this—someone who makes you feel unhappy, depressed, confused, and wounded.

** DO NOT LOSE YOURSELF **

It’s normal to change a bit in a relationship, as a means to adjust, but you should never lose yourself completely. Sometimes we miss the signs of change and look at it as “evolving!”

EVOLVE: to produce by natural processes

Keyword: NATURAL ... not because or for someone else.

Don’t allow that breakdown to happen. Don’t let your companion break you! It’s in that breaking point that insecurities arise and your self-worth plunges. That is not the sign of a healthy relationship. People who make those they claim to love feel inferior are dealing with their own problems and hang-ups. You’re better than that. To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Don’t give them that permission. It’s sad how someone can go from being the reason you wake up smiling ... to the reason you cry yourself to sleep at night! Just remember how perfectly fine you were doing before them and how perfectly fine you will do after them. Your life doesn't depend on them ...if you're giving your all to someone and they can't even appreciate it, then what are you doing? You give your heart to people who don’t deserve it because your uncertainty of self. You think, maybe I’m asking for too much, or being unreasonable, but you shouldn’t have to guard your wants and needs, and the right person would definitely be willing to meet them. Your feelings aren’t unreasonable and wanting the love you know that you deserve isn’t either.

** EVERYONE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU ‼️‼️“ 💜

Fear of Falling in Love💋💜

 

Who isn’t on some level fearful or resistant to, not just falling in love, but also living in love? Many of us, but how many will openly admit it? Here I am, experiencing the fear of happiness,  the fear of love, the fear of intimacy. With that fear we defend ourselves, self-protect, and self-sabotage when it comes to love or the possibility of anything good!

Liking someone is easy. It's controllable. It doesn't hurt you. You don't have to force it back like a tablespoon of “tussin”. It's delicate, but in the best way. Letting ourselves fall in love means taking a real risk. We must place ourselves in a great amount of trust in another person, allowing them to affect us, which makes us feel unprotected and defenseless. Our core defenses are tested. We tend to believe that the more we care, the more we can get hurt. We’re afraid to put ourselves out there and be vulnerable with our emotions.

Love is a risk, perhaps the biggest gamble we’ll take in our lives, let telling the dealer “hit me” when you have 17 in a game of black jack but hopeful for a 4. We make a choice to choose to put all our trust and faith into someone who, let’s be honest, we don’t even fucking know. Crazy right?!?! Love is that indefinable feeling that we’re all searching for. Who doesn’t want to fall in love? Who doesn’t want to be uncontrollably happy with someone else? Even those of us who claim to not currently be looking for a serious relationship (those is me … I am those) 😂😂😂– we have an unspoken contract with ourselves that would all change if the right person were to suddenly walk or “diddy bop” into our lives; because who would turn down the opportunity of falling in love? Love is completely different and way more complex, and that's my dear readers is why it's scary. Scary like Nightmare on Elm Street scary … This blog post is for the unprepared. Those who may have allowed the possibility of love creep up on them. And let me reassure you this one thing; NO MATTER how ready you feel you are, I guarantee that isn't enough. It may never be enough. And you must be OK with that. When we engage in a relationship, we are rarely fully aware of how we’ve been impacted by our past. The ways we were hurt in previous relationships, friendships and even kinship's. Old, negative dynamics make us wary of opening ourselves up to someone new. We find ourselves steering away from affection and intimacy, because it stirs up those old feelings of hurt, loss, anger, disappointment or rejection. “When you long for something, like love, it becomes associated with pain,” the pain you felt at not having it in the past or never having at all.

What I am starting to understand is that love is about being OK. You must learn to be OK with rescheduled dinners, and families, and the possibility of forever. You must learn to be OK with sometimes coming up short because you don't know enough. Many of us scuffle with underlying feelings of being unlovable. We have an uneasy feeling of our own value and believing that anyone could really care for us. Why would they? We all have a “dangerous inner voice,” which acts like a red headed stepchild inside our heads that tells us we are undeserving and unworthy of happiness. Love means not just spending time together but also learning and understanding the element of spending time apart and being able to continue with life and not melting down, being honest about the silliest things and even the things we rather not be honest about at all. That's all tough to accomplish.

That “inner voice” can be damaging and unpleasant, but at the same time it’s also comfortable in its familiarity. When someone sees us differently from our voices, affectionate and appreciating us, we start to feel uncomfortable and defensive, because it challenges who we are. BREATHE!!! 😣😖I know it's weird. I know it’s much easier said than done, too. Truth be told, being scared to love someone else isn't about the other person; it's about you. You feel insignificant and confused. Tenacious views of not being good enough plague you every waking moment and if you are like me even your sleeping moments. But I am learning day by day that I am enough as are you! Any time we experience true joy or feel the valuableness of life on an emotional level, we can expect to feel a great amount of unhappiness. I tend to be one of those people who will quickly shy away from the things that would make me happiest, why. Because they also make me feel pain. The opposite is also true. We cannot selectively numb ourselves to unhappiness without numbing ourselves to happiness. When it comes to falling in love, I’m hesitant to go “all in,” for fear of the unhappiness it could stir up in me. Someone once said to me, “You can never be anything worse than the demons in your own mind, so free yourself of small worries and breathe”. The hesitation of getting involved with someone, because that person “likes me too much.” But one thing that love can often be is imbalanced, with one person feeling more or less from minute to minute. Our feelings toward someone are an ever-changing force. In a matter of seconds, we can experience anger, irritation or even hate for a person we love. Worrying over how we will feel keeps us from seeing where our feelings would indeed go. “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” ...

I rationalize to myself a million reasons I shouldn’t be in a relationship. Nevertheless, the reasons I give often have doable solutions, and what’s really driving me is the deeper fear of loss. Relationships bring up an ambush of challenges. By getting to know ourselves, we give ourselves the best chance of finding and maintaining long-lasting love. Here’s the deal: when it comes to relationships, the only thing we can be certain of is uncertainty. We’re all a little afraid; some of us simply choose to push through the fear, and some of us don’t. Not a single person on this planet is fearless.

I now find myself trying to be the person who isn’t holding back their true feelings, the person who casts a shadow over her Shea Butter (raw) emotions; because the only person I am hurting in the process is myself. Worry about the what ifs, don’t worry about a future which you eventually can’t control, and don’t worry if you are the person who seems to always care more; because someone will always care more than the other. Allowing worry or guilt over how we may or may not feel keeps us from getting to know someone who is expressing interest in us and may prevent us from forming a relationship that could really make us happy. Maybe even the happiest we have ever been. 

As rapper Drake's mama said, "Who the f*** wants to be 70 and alone?" Human interaction is important, but love is essential. Stop worrying. Stop wondering. Stop stressing. Love is hard but it is also easy. They call it falling in love for a reason, right? But we must let ourselves go to do so without wound.

"Love from ourselves and other people can help us feel like we have value. Deep down, we all want to be loved and wanted."  💖💘💋

Personal Conversation ...

People are often telling me, "God won't give you more than you can bear," or when someone is experiencing difficulty in their lives, we often say to them, “Don’t worry, God won’t give you any more than you can handle.” But the truth of the matter is ....

Yes, God Will Give You More Than You Can Handle

I have been writing and writing in journals for so many years and when I have those random moments in which I look back through them I often read, “God, I can’t handle this anymore. I don’t know what to do ... I give up, I quit, if it's your will, why me, why can't it just be over, etc." Over the years circumstances in my life have been nothing short of overwhelming, everything crumbling, and my world literally fell apart within 365 days year after year after year for about 4 years straight and counting. Real talk, it has been so many days when people have come alongside me and tried to reassure me by saying, “God won’t give you more than you can handle,” & the first thought was to punch them in the face all while saying "are you serious? HE sees all this pain I am carrying yet I continue to endure more ... so does he think I'm built Ford tough?" 😕 When we are down and out and feeling discouraged, having a bad day, heartbroken, missing a loved one, etc; hearing those words don't mean SHIT and can cause us to feel like we aren't measuring up. It causes us to ask, “why can’t I handle it?”

Truth be told, God never told not nann (yes NOT NAAN) one of us that HE wouldn't give us more than we can handle. A few ugly truths are this:

1. There will be times in life when you will feel like you are drowning. 

2. There is no one to help you.

3. IT. WILL. HURT. LIKE. HELL ❗❗❗

Suffering doesn’t ask if you’re ready. It doesn't send a text message or put a reminder on our calendars. It may come slowly or unknown and often unseen and with a vengeance, but it doesn’t ask permission, and it doesn’t care about convenience, feelings, or fucks given for that matter. There’s never a good time for your life to be shattered. Trials come in all shapes and sizes, but they don’t come to show how much we can take or how we have it all together. Mind-boggling suffering will come our way because we live in a crippled world with damaged souls (people). And when it comes, let’s be clear that by no means whatsoever that we have what it takes to handle it. God will truly give us more than we can handle—but not more than HE can! Even though the words are meant for reassurance they can often serve as discouragement. Sometimes it can even tempt us to ignore our suffering and pretend it’s not there. It can lead us to believe the lie that we can do it ourselves; that we can handle it and the truth of the matter is WE CAN NOT! We stumble so much because we fail to recognize that sometimes we can’t make it on our own.

The verse most often quoted to support this is, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (I Corinthians 10:13) "Paul pointed out that we always have a choice: engage in sin or run from it. The promise is that God will always provide a way for us to run from it. Let’s be clear: Paul was talking about temptation, not suffering."

With temptation, we have a choice, but with suffering we often don’t have a choice. A few months ago, I remember being out with some colleagues and getting a text that read " ... in ICU she's holding strong but the doctors gave a tough report today. Sorry to text you with not good news. Love you.💗" I was already in suffering mode and the actual conversation happened shortly after. For days and days, I tussled with whether to fly home or just wait for the call and be ready for the end results. Sometimes, it seems as no matter how prepared you may or may not feel, you are still never really ready! I ended up flying home and just remember driving straight to the hospital from the airport , and I just sat there and wept 😢 and thought to myself, “I’d do anything to NOT have to experience this pain again” yet “I’d do anything to NOT let Jessica experience this pain alone.” It was one of the most powerless feelings that I was experiencing for the 4th year in a row all within another 365 days. Trust and believe that I did not choose this. My family did not choose this. In moments like these we feel utterly destroyed.

“This is too much for me!” A forever kind of thought. Those same words I have written over and over in many of my journals, even still till this' very day! Even Jesus has cried out, Matthew 26:38 “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” What I am learning in this lifetime and from my past time is it’s OK to feel like we can’t handle it, like we are going to give up. We can cry out, our souls can be empty, and there will be bad days. I believe that the reality is, once we are able to come to terms with who and what we are; and become aware that life will indeed give us more than we can handle, we find an assurance (BLESSED): God is faithful to meet us in the mess and in the pain. Makes perfect sense why they always tell us "cast our fears, worries, suffering and pain on God..." But even this can seem like a stale phrase. Because when it really hurts, I mean really hurts, like stubbed your toe against the door, couch, or bed kind of HURT .... God can seem so far away. This is where good friends and good friends in FAITH come in. You will help each other to move ahead, and you will need each other far more than those stale phrases. It is without a doubt that life becomes unmanageable, and you must have someone who is willing to walk alongside you; whether to hold your hand, hold the umbrella to weather the downpour, or chase the clouds away. Learning to be there for one another in the midst of all the anguish.

When we are willing to rest in the pain of one another, to ride out with one another when life’s highway turns problematic like I-77 during a morning commute (or any time of the day at this point) or I-95S if you didn't get on the road before 7AM, and to accept one another’s burdens when they are too heavy, we personify something so much greater. While life can sometimes be too much, through the goodness of HIM we become a living and breathing testimony .... many of us become a

Personal Conversation