12 ways to a girl's heart.

alone.

I am in a current stage where I am learning how to be alone and be happy. Learning how to be alone without being lonely and losing my mind. Making time to be alone is important for our sense of self and individuality, self knowledge and some unwinding and R&R. 

Being alone is essential with learning how to stand on your own two feet again and the most important part FIND YOURSELF! Some people experience loneliness while others celebrate it. Most of us enjoy spending time with friends, laughing and meeting new people. Being alone can be tricky on the mind, as many of us fear being judged by peers when out alone doing things that seem to be meant for friends and companions, like dancing, eating at restaurants, and festivals. The reality is as humans we crave companionship. 

Loneliness should not be compared to the fear of being alone. We all have times when we are alone for situational reasons or simply because we have chosen to be alone. Being alone means different things to different people. Often many reasons why men and women engage into relationships is because of their fear of being alone. 

Sometimes when we choose to be alone we make ourselves lonely by shutting out the world, hiding behind our curtains and closed doors, shutting people out, and disconnecting ourselves from the world a bit. So if you are like me at times here are a few things we can try and do to learn how to be alone and NOT be lonely:

• take yourself out on a date; whether it is to a movie, an art show, spoken word, or even a local event going on in your city. This is something I am truly working on because often my mind thinks it's a great idea but then fear of going alone kicks in and I sit behind those shut curtains. 
• meditate daily; I have been told that meditation is one of the most valuable ways we can spend time alone and with ourselves. It introduces clarity, peace, serenity and focus into our lives. Even if it is just two minutes a day it's great. My biggest struggle is making time to sit with myself on a regular basis, so if you too are like me then let's start by making a commitment to just sit and breathe daily for two minutes. INHALE all the goodness and EXHALE all the bullshit. Then as weeks progress we can try for 3 minutes, then 4 and so on. 
• turn off your devices to the world and just disconnect; WHAT NO PHONE? Yes I know it's like someone taking our lifeline away isn't it? Even though our devices are a social connection to the world and people we love, the truth is they are also a gift and a curse. How often is it that when people have a negative experience they rant about it on Facebook or Instagram? Now if we disconnect from the world for awhile it allows us to self soothe. Often by disconnecting ourselves from external distractions, we develop much deeper connections with ourselves. 
• make time to sit each day and write about whatever is on your mind; I am still working on this myself. My friend in California vows by this and is always telling me that keeping a journal will bring me such peace. IT will allow me to write it all down, let it out and carry on. Journaling allows us to express our true thoughts without being judged. 
• travel alone; I for one do not agree with this but I think that once I experience traveling alone I will feel differently about it. 
• love alone. doing things alone allows us to realize that even though relationships are important, loving oneself must be at the foundation of any connection. So many of us want someone to love and someone to love us, but I have been told if you enjoy whom you are to walk alone, you will eventually see the value in not being followed. 

So let's learn to be alone and not feel lonely. Let us allow ourselves to relish in the blessing of life, and not allow ourselves to ever miss out on anything because we tricked ourselves into believing we couldn't do it alone. 

what you deserve.

You ever knew in your heart that the person you wanted was meant for you and realized after awhile that they didn't deserve you? People don't always get what they deserve in this world. 

Ever had someone tell you "you don't deserve me" or "you can do better than me" but you brush it off and don't believe them. Let's stop for a minute and let me tell you this, if someone EVER tells you such a thing BELIEVE THEM !!! 9 times out of 10 they are telling you for a reason. Either they like you or they don't, never try and convince someone of your worth. If a person doesn't appreciate you, then hell they don't deserve you. 

The only sure thing about life is that it is in constant motion. Days pass, season changes (winter, spring, fall and summer), people leave, people die, new beginnings happen and things end. The truth is there are some people we are better off without. There are some people who are just toxic in our lives and for our souls. 

There are a million reasons why we love people. The way they look in the morning when they first wake up (yes even their morning breath). The comfort and safety they give us. When someone leaves us who has mistreated us badly. or did us wrong in whatever way possible, hurt us whether it's physically, mentally, or emotionally, psychologically, that disconnect between the brain and heart happens and we are often left with confusion. 

Ever sat and thought to yourself, how is it possible that I miss someone who made my life a living hell, someone who made me so miserable, someone who brought me so much pain in life? The brain immediately takes over with questions and thoughts for the days and the heart never knows what to say or feel. Maybe sometimes we miss people we shouldn't miss or that doesn't deserve us because we are questioning if maybe someday they would've been better, maybe one day they would've loved us like we wanted them to love us or how we felt we deserved to be loved, or showed they really did care about us. Often at times we are so connected to those few good memories that they become more like a lifeboat in such a sea of disappointment. *sighs*

What I have learned and I am still learning daily is that it is absolutely OK to miss people who have hurt us or who didn't deserve us. We are human, but it goes to show that our love for that person was so enormous they couldn't hold on. So again I say that to say this, go ahead - miss people. Miss them even though they don't deserve to be missed, hell sometimes not even thought about. Miss them because the reality is this, whether good or bad, they were a very real part in your life. That is something we can not take back. Give the memories so much more than they could have EVER given you in the flesh. 

moving on.

When we hold onto things and people that are toxic for us, it destroys our spirits in the most horrible way. Why is it so hard for us to move on from things we think we love? Why do we allow ourselves to become damaged goods before letting go and moving on?

Have you ever heard that theory "hurt people, hurt people"? Crazy right? But damn it's so true. And sometimes people don't even know why they are hurting but deep down inside their sole purpose is to make you feel how they are feeling, even though they don't know why they feel the way they do. *sighs* 

Now when I talk about moving on it doesn't necessarily mean relationship wise but other areas of life as well. It could be moving on from your current position/job, moving on and letting go of friendships that you may have outgrown or God is showing you that the purpose is no longer there, moving on and living life on your own terms (whether it means packing up and moving away from your family and comfort zone). In my years, these are all things I struggled with moving on from. Sometimes we get so content with what we have that we allow ourselves to believe there isn't greater! There is always greater .... 

I read a quote that said “It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.” 

― Nicholas Sparks

When you step into new life, you learn new things about yourself, you start to realize that your vision for life is different from people you spend time with and often love. And when years are invested into something, whether it's a job/career, friendship, relationship, etc we often want to live in the moment of it forever instead of letting go and moving on. 

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” 
― Tupac Shakur


I am a Virgo and I kid you not, we are the most over-analyzing sign in the whole wide world. We would spend weeks and weeks, even months analyzing something before we decide to just say "fuck it" and move on and realize that life can either be greener on the other side or not but regardless of the decision life will go on. I was in a "situationship" (that is kind of like a relationship but more of a situation) for about 7 or 8 years (maybe longer) on and off and me being the Virgo I am, I always analyzed my situation instead of letting it go and moving on. Why do we hold onto things and people who are toxic in our lives? Because often we are so scared to let go and more importantly scared to START OVER ! Another reason is often because of comfort and convenience it's like the silent killer of many things right after pride. 

We are afraid to let go because we are afraid of change. We are often afraid of what may lie ahead for us. Sometimes we really want to let go, but just don't know how. We loose things. professions, jobs, significant others, and friends throughout our whole life. Change comes when we need change .... let me repeat that because it touched me ..... CHANGE COMES WHEN WE NEED CHANGE. Otherwise we would never grow as people. We hold on to things that are not working out because we forget that better things are around the corner. We have no trust. Life is what you make it. Holding on to things which are NOT working, will not make you happy... You can't keep trying to turn water into wine... it'll frustrate you, annoy you, consume you... (there it is, high five ya neighbor and say "I know that's right!) LOL

Keep moving forward, let's not look back. This is another downside that many of us experience. When we decide to move forward and see that it isn't working out the way we want it to work out we immediately look back and think of things to do differently and try to convince ourselves to go backwards. "That is to say; if you have made a decision from your heart to do something, if your heart is true to moving forwards then, there is no need to look back. Our heads, our minds, our thoughts kick in because of outside influence trying to get us to look back. If it's coming from your head; and you feel yourself reaching back - there is a reason for it. If it is your head, mind and thoughts saying let go, but your heart simply can not let go, you need to remember what you truly want. This may be unresolved issues, or a basic need being unfulfilled, but there is always a reason why your heart struggles to let go." If we let go of things, 99% of time our lives will change, but the reality is that often we are more afraid of change than we are of death. What I am learning in my 30's is that I will never get what I truly deserve if I keep holding on to what I am supposed to let go (read the line over again it may apply to you). Letting go can be scary, but we have to let go of things/people who serve no purpose in our lives and what our mission is. By holding on and being afraid to move on, we hold ourselves back from what God has in store. 

5 keys to identifying your soulmate

Sharing a great video which was shared with me #stayblessed

is courting dead?

How aggressive is too aggressive when it comes to meeting and conversing with men? The dating game can be quite tiring but it makes it even worse when you meet someone and they are aggressive from step 1.

I always thought when you meet people, it's often about meeting somewhere mutual and getting to know each other. Court each other for awhile, go out on a few dates and see if the vibe is there and if you want to continue forward or say "thanks but no thanks this isn't for me". But lately I meet a lot of guys who obviously don't know the steps and procedures with meeting new females or maybe they are used to a certain statue of females. Maybe the word aggressive isn't exactly the correct one but as of right now I can't think of any other word but that one !

If I met you randomly on a Saturday afternoon what makes you think I would want to come to your house within 2-4 days and "watch movies and chill". Now I could be wrong but I never am so therefore I am right, but it is nothing great that will happen within 2 days of texting/talking that will make me want to come to your house and chill. Now some females may be down for this, for reasons of their own (often to be nosey and see where you live, etc) but me personally I will pass. My fear kicks in immediately. 1. I don't know you 2. you could be crazy 3. I don't know you (yes I repeated it because that's all I need to prove and nothing more) LOL.

Maybe after a month of chatting and hanging out a few times I may be a bit more at ease to possibly want to "chill and watch movies" at your house but it's nothing that is going to make me say yes after 2-3 days of texting/talking honestly not even after 2 weeks. People end up missing every day out here, women need to be more cautious. I want to meet new people but not risk myself in the process. Now if I decline your offer and you send me a "take care" text it often proves what my theory possibly was about you and makes me feel better that I kept it real and we can both carry on and keep it moving.

I have to always remind myself ... "I ain't for everybody"

Today's rant and words of "nye-dom"

Who. What. When. Where. Why.

thoughts on men ....

Whether it's 2 weeks or 2 months a man knows' whether or not he wants to be with you. Don't string a dead situation along hoping that you can revive it.


Live. Laugh. Love. Learn.

15 things to give up

Because we are always a walking work in progress <3

#stayblessed 

crossing the lines of friendship; is your best friend your perfect partner?

Well good evening, here we are again another blog for the masses. Do you see the image above? This is my idea as to what will happen if I were to date my best friend (the bottom half). In this day and age most females have male best friends and a lot of men have female best friends. But have you ever thought of crossing the lines of friendship? Have you ever crossed the lines of friendship? If so how was it, was it weird, did it last, did it die and your friendship died along with it?

I grew up having 8 brothers (I always lose count, my dad was definitely a rolling stone) so I always adapted to the male species a bit better than the female. So therefore I have always had a male best friend or two. I always felt like one of the guys so it was cool plus it's always nice to have a male's point of view on why we (women) feel they are assholes at times and wanting to know why men are such unemotional beings. But nonetheless I have had great male friendships.

Now, I have never thought to myself about crossing the lines of friendships but many people do and have. Now months ago I remember a friend telling me that her and her male best friend were going to take that plunge and work on being a couple. I thought to myself WOW and then right after I said why. Truth is our best friends generally know more about us than anyone else (besides God of course). So what would make someone really consider crossing that line and dating their best friend .... well I found a few reasons why after dope conversation and a little research.

• he's familiar with your bad side; truth is when we are in the dating world the first few months are a bit crucial. We pretend like we don't have a bad side because we don't want to scare this person off right away. Sometimes we downplay our insecurities and hide the fact often that we are moody, jealous or even angry. But in the case of dating your best friend you won't worry about all of that because he already knows all this about you and how to deal with accordingly, this is 1 reason why some people cross the line and date their best friend. 
• you're more/less aware of past history and relationships. Now who else have you shared all those horrible relationship and sexual experiences with besides your best friend? They have seen you date the lowest of low losers and much more. So you both are fully aware as to what each other is and is not looking for in a relationship. 
• comfortable with each other; truth is you can pass gas around your best friend, devour 15 pieces of chicken wings and beer and walk around without your wig and not have one care in the world. This is the comfort you want with your significant other, but in the beginning when we are dating it often takes a few weeks or even months before you feel comfortable enough to not let someone see you w out makeup or with your hair not done, etc. 

These are just a few reasons, but it kind of make you think that maybe the guy you have been looking for all along has been there all these years. In spite of all the good there is always a negative side to the equation. Now let me share some reasons why you shouldn't date your best friend; 

• way to comfortable with each other; now I know this sounds weird but it holds some truth. You already know everything about each other, he knows what you look like without makeup on so with that being said where does the effort come in?
• it can ruin your current friendship. THIS IS MY BIGGEST FEAR !!! regardless of how many times you guys go over the rules and come to the conclusion that you guys will not let it come between you if it doesn't work, it doesn't always end on great terms. 
• who will you run to for relationship advice??? EXACTLY !!!! now if I start dating my best friend who will I run to when the guy I am into doesn't call me and ask me how my day was? The one person who always gave heard your boyfriend/girlfriend problems is now the very boyfriend/girlfriend who is giving you problems. 
• because you already know everything about each other ! YES if I already know everything about you what fun will our relationship be? With nothing new to learn about each other it can make for quite a boring relationship. The relationship can end up lacking the spike of excitement that often comes along with learning new things about someone. 
• you will end up needing a new best friend; now if you begin to date your best friend who then becomes your wing man? Even though I always hear people say "my significant other is my best friend" they are still totally different things. One person can't fill the void of both, even if you feel that way you still need to have another friend to talk and confide in when that "significant best friend" is driving you crazy. 
• regardless of how much we may wish for the best, things may or will never go back to the way they were. So ironically if things end on a sour note it's no way that you will automatically jump back into being the best of friends ! 

Have you ever dated your best friend? Considered it? Did it work out? Let me know !!! ME personally I couldn't cross the fine line of friendship because all I fear is that it won't work out and then I will not only lose a boyfriend but I will lose much more .... my best friend. 

10 things that make you happy

OH AND COFFEE :-)