is sex pivotal in a relationship?

piv·ot·al

adjective

1. of crucial importance in relation to the development or success of something else.

Let's talk about sex .... I mean we are all grown so let's have a grown folk discussion. Is sex a pivotal point in a maturing relationship or a relationship at all? When I mentioned that I was going to write about this topic to my best friend the first thing he said was "YES" followed by a bunch of emojis and what not ! But let's really discuss as to why it is or isn't .... of course it has some pros and cons. Just look above and read the definition of pivotal. Is sex that important in a relationship? I have had some folks tell me yes because a great sexual chemistry can often mean a great relationship (I DISAGREE). Sex is good when it's great but I personally feel it isn't pivotal. Let me share why ....

I was once in a relationship, a GREAT relationship, I mean I was held on a pedal stool so high I felt like I could give God a high five because that is how this person made me feel, how he treated me and respected me. It was dope, so dope I was like in shock. But his sexual game was horrible, now what is horrible to me could be amazing to the next person. And even though the sex wasn't a 10 or even an 8 our relationship continued on because it helped me realize that sex wasn't the most important part of the relationship, I was more infatuated as to how he treated me, how he made me feel when we spent time together, how I was a priority and not just of convenience. 

When you are younger SEX is EVERYTHING, and when you get a bit older it still carries it's importance but you realize that there are way more factors that are more important than sex. Believe it or not more couples who seem happy to their peers and society are often in sexless relationships; and sexless doesn't mean no sex at all but more so not on a consistent basis. These are people who can be happy and content with just having sex once a week or once every other week. Sometimes the importance of sex can complicate a situation. You ever dealt with someone or been in a long term "dead" situation with someone because the sex was so good? Don't lie raise your hand, put your head down in shame for a minute and mumble "she don't know my life" I mean just be honest. I am sure we all have been there. What kept us there? SEX !!!! We allowed it to play such an important factor that nothing else mattered. They probably treated you like shit, you probably had nothing in common, maybe you rarely went on dates, but one thing that always brought you guys together was .... SEX !!!
It was the pivotal point and only importance of your relationship. 

Now don't get me wrong, I often hear that people who have sex often are happier. Is it any truth to that? Possibly but I don't know. I have friends in relationships who still seem sexually frustrated. Now being that I personally am in this stage of abstinence this is a great topic, because sometimes a relationship (with a title) doesn't develop but a sexual relationship can occur. Some people are just fine with a sexual relationship and to each it's own. I remember when I read Steve Harvey's book "Act Like a Lady..." and he had the chapter about the 90 day rule. It was interesting but the reality of it is you can wait 9 days or 90 days and it doesn't mean anything. If sex is your motive, it's your motive point blank period. 

I read in an article that; "sex is necessary to sustain a relationship and abstaining from sex is a bit unbelievable because people who are dating indulge in sex". To pretty much sum up the article it indicated a serious relationship can not survive without sex; again making it seem like the most pivotal part of a relationship. Believe it or not there are still people out there who don't believe in sex until marriage, and then there are some people who from experience would rather not have sex so soon in a relationship and make it the most important factor because it often doesn't end well. 

So again I ask how pivotal is sex in a relationship? Think of it like this, if you stopped having sex with your partner for a month, would you guys last? Would you have anything else to discuss, other things to do or like about one another outside of the sex? If by chance you think your relationship is built just off the sexual chemistry test the waters, go a week better yet 2 and see how your partner reacts. You may be surprised to realize that the glue that really holds you guys together is SEX !!! (don't be shocked) but take this as a little warning. Now if it proves to not be about the sex, extend the abstinence for another 2 weeks and then tell me how it worked out. Some people are shocked to see that once the sex dies down for awhile they kind of really start to look at their partner and say OK what else do we like or have in common besides the sex?!?

Love is <3