why do you want to be in a relationship?

Interesting enough topic, one I feel a great need to discuss because I am single and often I ask myself why is it that you want to be in a relationship? So this is serious. Have you ever sat back and thought to yourself WHY ... WHY DO I WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

After endless conversations with single friends, associates and family members these were some points that everyone often mentioned:

• I want someone to love me and make me feel special and above all else feel worthy.
• I want to have kids (most of ALL my female friends say this)
• I don't wanna die alone (granted we never die alone)

But often people won't really indicate their feelings of wanting to be in a relationship, some folks want to be in relationship because:

• they feel empty and feel a relationship will end the feeling of emptiness (and often it doesn't)
• to be complete 
• to be taken care of (emotionally, financially, sexually, stability)

You are reading this like well isn't that the point of a relationship? For some yes and for some NO ! But really relationships are a healing and learning process, it allows many of us to heal from unbroken wounds, it teaches us how to love again, for many we grow in relationships, and we explore and discover new things we didn't know were there before. But what good is loving someone if you haven't fully learned to love yourself? I hear this a lot. Sometimes we want a relationship for all the wrong things which we think are the right reasons for wanting one. I am alone and being in a relationship will make me not feel lonely anymore - UNTRUE - do you know that there are plenty of folks walking on this earth in relationships and still feel alone. A beautiful experience about being in a relationship is sharing love with another person but in order to do such we must fully learn to love and understand ourselves first and foremost. Sometimes when two people come together to get love instead of learning how to grow together, heal together, understand compassion and all those other things the relationship doesn't last long. You have to be with someone who wants to give back the same things you want to give. I want to grow (your partner should want to grow), I want to give all this love I have to someone else (your partner should also feel like they have so much love they want to share with someone else), etc. 

At the end of the day only you can decide if you want a relationship. No one else can make that ultimate decision for you. Sometimes we lose focus on the fact that being single can also be great for us. Being single means we often get to find out more stuff about ourselves, make more time for ourselves, focus on ourselves a bit more (especially if you are a giving person). Take the time to figure out what it is you really want in a partner. Are you just wanting to be in a relationship for the "title" or are you looking for your rest of your life partner. You don't need to have a relationship for something sexual or intimate to occur. 

Is this how you feel sometimes? One thing I have realized is there is NO perfect partner. You aren't perfect so why and how could you expect to have someone perfect? We have flaws, insecurities, moments of shame, disbelief, things about us that we refuse to change and accept; so again why do we want someone who's perfect when we can't offer the same in return? The image blinds our reality more often than we should allow us, but again we are only human. I am starting to realize that is really about finding someone who is willing to accept all your imperfections and love you as you are, not so much about wanting to change you but willing to help you change if you are choosing to change. I know sometimes the word change can be so scary ... but the reality is it's hard at first, a little messy in the middle but the outcome is amazing. 

So again why do you want to be in a relationship? Kind of stems back to a recent post .. is it for comfort or convenience or are you wanting to be engaged in something that is for the long haul. So now when I think about being in a relationship I ask myself why? Is it for the title, is it because I don't wanna be alone anymore, is it because I am afraid to die alone and be the woman with 9 cats (LMAO) or do I want to share all this love I have for myself with someone else, for my long term life partner, and settle down with. With finding the right reasons we must try and avoid the wrong reasons:

• avoiding that lonely feeling 

because the weekends roll around and you have no plans or anyone to share it with. We get into bed at night and say "man I am a great woman/man why am I single? Often when we fear being alone we make HORRIBLE decisions (think about it).

• caving into social pressure

don't you sometimes hate social media? doesn't it seem like all your friends are married, having babies, in relationships, looking happy and smiling in "usie" photos with their significant other. We can't often be fooled by what we see from the outside looking in, most of the times your friends are miserable behind closed doors but those aren't pictures they post.

• filling the void

honestly no relationship can EVER do that ! that was my harsh reality for you guys. no relationship can ever fill us up - it's sort of like going to the gas station on E and saying give me $20 on pump 2 and hope to get a full tank of gas; trust it's NOT happening especially with these gas prices !!! Often VOID is that one little thing that makes us so damn vulnerable to the wrong relationships in the first place (think about it now). That void drives us to engage into something not because it is right for us but because again we are trying to fill that empty gas tank with only $20 (it's not happening). 

Being able to fully trust someone is important when trying to figure out a lot of things about your life as well as yourself. At the end of the day there will always be someone out there just for you and waiting for you. Being in a relationship is good for you, but also remember that there is no crime in being single either. 

Love is <3