does body count after age 30?

Does it really matter???

Conversation has led to this blog. Does body count matter when you are over the age of 30?

Why are numbers such a big deal? Why do we think they reveal something about us people? Yes, maybe a higher number suggests a more open attitude toward sex and a lower number suggests being more selective, but I don't even like thinking about it in terms of a higher or lower because, well higher and lower in relation to what?

Also, a specific number isn't that telling at all. Say you are 25 years old and have been sexually active since you were 15, and your number is 20. This could mean you've never had a serious relationship, but despite being single you've only sex with two people a year, which eventually added up to 20. Or it could mean you've been a monogamous relationship for 9 years, but that one year you were single you had a hell of a Full Moon party on your trip to Miami. Those are two very different attitude towards sex. Everyone's history and their relationship with sex is individual. I've had friends that have only had sex with one person and they're some of the horniest bitches I know, others have had sex with way into the double digits but now their sex drives have slowed down and they have very little interest in sex. A number isn't going to tell you very much.

the only reason numbers are taboo or controversial is because we act like they should be. I have lots of friends, especially women, who have either evaded or outright lied when it comes to discussing how many sexual partners they've had. And a lot of people, especially men, ignore or don't want to imagine their current partner has had sex with anyone but them, or at least that she only did it with serious boyfriends.

Given all the differences in the way men and women view sex and relationships and communication: What are the rules about disclosing your number of sexual partners and should it matter? The average number of partners a man purports to have in a lifetime is around 11. The average number of partners a woman purports to have is closer to 6. Of course, this is not true.

And as far as I’m concerned it is NOBODY’S BUSINESS HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU’VE SLEPT WITH. Similarly, it’s none of your business how many people he’s slept with. This is a classic “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation, on par with “Are you dating anyone else right now?” Before you jump all over me, this is not the same as “Do you have any STDs?” That is a pointed and specific health-related question, where full disclosure is essential. Thus, a man has no right to know your number, lest he judge you by a different standard than he judges himself. If he insists, give him a little white lie. It’s none of his business and he doesn’t deserve the truth. Seriously. As long as you’re not sleeping with anyone while you’re dating him, whatever you did in your past is between you and your conscience. So honestly speaking, it’s not that numbers don’t matter. It’s that they can be deceiving. Questions about numbers only beget more questions and create more insecurity. The only thing you need to know about his sexual past is whether he’s disease free.

Do you care how many people your partner has slept with? In a world of growing sexual promiscuity, the days where girls could count the number of their sexual partners on one hand is long gone. The idea that there is an acceptable amount of people a woman can sleep with in her life needs to become a notion of the past. Want to know what the “acceptable” number actually is? It’s whatever amount of people a person feels comfortable sleeping with. NEWSFLASH: it is a personal choice.

“Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” 

Why do people lie about their number? Is it for the fear of being judged? Well, f*cking duh. But who are we to pass such harsh judgment onto others? Why even ask the question in the first place? Almost all people, regardless of gender, are going to lie. Men exaggerate it while women downplay it. Like “American Pie” taught us, when a girl tells you her number, multiply it by three and when a guy tells you his number, divide it by three. I hope this isn’t true for everyone because I’d be f*cked, and not in a good way. (no judgement zone here guys). Who cares if you banged 5 people or 50? Your personality and quirks still remain the same.

“Do not be afraid of exploring your sexuality, fantasies and desires. Embrace them. Love them. Make them yours. They are a part of who you are.” 

The double standard is alive and well, but it needs to be eradicated. It’s bullsh*t that a man can receive praise for banging out any girl he can get his hands on, but if a girl does the same, she is labeled a slut. The ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ approach is the way to go. There are many things that are better left unsaid and this is one of them.

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.”

Why should a person’s sexual past carry such a stigma that they become reluctant to reveal that number to anyone who asks? Your number reflects your past…what happened to living in the moment? The past is behind you and if you reflect on it, it’s only going to haunt you. There is no reason to dwell on past lovers if they bear no relevance to your present situation.

Everyone has a past and there is a reason it has not transcended into your future. Let your past be your past, people! Don’t drag that sh*t into your current relationship that only creates unnecessary problems.

Does GOOD pussy come with a bad attitude ?!? Good pussy vs bad pussy

DOES GOOD PUSSY COME WITH A BAD ATTITUDE???

Yes !!! Class is in session. Now any one who knows me, truly know my background. I have 8 brothers and I tell people all the time my poppa was a rolling stone. Hell me and my brother are 3 months apart (and we not twins and don't have the same mother)! So when it comes to certain topics at hand I have the male perspective often, and besides growing up all my best friends were guys.

So earlier today while having conversation w some homies this topic came about. Now one homie said to me "all women have bad attitudes" I immediately laughed and thought he knows nothing! But at the same time thinking, can he be right?

Now let's set the record straight a bit between good pussy and bad pussy, cause I often here it's some chicks out here w a trash can in between their legs, who can't pop a headstand on the dick and walking around w the worst attitude to man-kind (so I've been told). So let's be clear about this, I like to keep it 100% at all times possible. Good pussy is SUBJECTIVE! What is good pussy to one man may well be mediocre to the next man. What will whip one man won't even make another man break his stride. Someone once told me that when you are out and about the women with good pussy always have a swoon of men around them, they let their good pussy shine thru in EVERY aspect of life!



                                              

• Good pussy will make you call out of work so y'all can FUCK your day away.
• You surrender your biweekly paycheck to good pussy. 
• Good pussy commands loyal dick. 
• Good pussy will be your muse. 
• Good pussy wants to see your dreams come true. 
• You keep your dignity after being whipped by good pussy. 
• Good pussy makes you hate condoms. 
• Good pussy has been whore'd UP for the right man.
• Good pussy will help you live longer. 

In a world where men will sleep with any woman willing to lay it low and spread 'em wide, how do you know if your pussy has WHIP appeal? We live in a world where women have bad pussy, but understand a man going thru a drought or a stubborn man won't tell you that (not right away anyways). Now GOOD pussy can be demanding, she can demand dick! Now let's not get this confused w convenience. If you need a recap on comfort and convenience scroll thru the old blogs and read what I wrote back then. Good pussy will have you breaking your rules just to keep her happy. Once you're pussy whipped you will find yourself quitting the things you love just to spend time with her. You're eating HER favorite snacks and eating at HER favorite restaurants. Before you know it you're sitting on her couch drinking martinis and letting her paint your nails (with clear polish cuz you're a grown ass man) while watching a Sex and the City marathon. Pussy whipped. She pushes your limits because she knows the power of her good pussy. She has you doing things so far out of your character that you KNOW your boys will clown you for letting a chick convince you to do it. It doesn't matter how big you smile, you're pussy whipped and it shows. Way to go bruh!

Getting pussy is easy nowadays. I'll be one of the first women to admit it. Its amazing how easy some women have made it for men to smash. Their standards are so low all you have to do is smile at her and she drops the draws LITERALLY. Rarely do women make a man work for the hot pocket anymore.

OK, so let's get back to the good vs the bad. "Contrary to what most women think, all pussy is not created equal. Some pussies are prettier than others, some get wetter than others, some are warmer than others, and some are deeper than others. Furthermore, they all taste different. Pussy is sort of like Chinese food in the hood, the Kung Pao Chicken at Great Wall tastes a lot better than it does at Royal Palace. The point is that whether you like the dish or not depends on where you get it from. Pussy is no different. Again, all pussy is not created equal."

In general, men are just happy having sex. And with that being said women can be happy knowing that their pussy is "okay". And for a man okay is good. I read something that mentioned good pussy as "thundamonkey" LMAO !!! Good pussy is rare and actually depends on a number of variables more so than anything constant and measurable. Now here are some more signs of good pussy:

15 Things GOOD PUSSY Can Do:

1. Have Him Sending “I Left the Door Open for You” Texts

Every once in a while you like to hit the club with your girls. After a few drinks, numerous arm grabs, and ass shaking, you get out the club horny as fuck. But your dude couldn’t possibly stay up to 4am just waiting could he? Certainly your dude didn’t stay up all night torturing himself waiting on that after-the-club pussy. But wait, you just got a “left the door open” text. No matter how dangerous his neighborhood is, a guy will always leave his door open for some GOOD PUSSY. I don’t care if he lives in Gotham City, he’s going to leave it open.

2. Sleeping However to Make Sure She’s Comfortable

3. He Can Go a Few Extra Rounds

4. Have You Getting the Haircut She Likes Most on You

5. Telling His Boys He’s Staying In

All the fellas know what’s going down when he stops hitting the streets and the club up like he used to. Every time they hit him, he say “Naw bruh, I think I’ma chill with shorty tonite. I’ma get up with ya’ll later.” Soon as his boys get off the phone they’re like “This muthafucka here!” and clown him for the rest of the night. Funny thing is though, he gives zero fucks.

6. Have Him Googling New Moves to Do

7. Make Him Sing to You (And He Can’t Even Sing)

8. Make Him Consider Being Your Boyfriend

GOOD PUSSY will have him wanting to lock that pussy down and make it official. He thought about it because he’s not trying to have another guy double-dipping in that. If you puttin’ GOOD PUSSY on him, he’ll be along in your dim ass living room, sipping Hennessy on your couch, contemplating being a committed man.

9. Have Him in the Gym

10. Have Him Tivo’ing Your Favorite Shows for When You Come Over

11. Have Him Agreeing with You When He KNOW’S You’re Wrong

12. Have Him Cooking

13. Make Him Wanna Have Phone Sex

14. Spend His Last on Some Rubbers

He could have $13.78 in his account and be starvin’ like Marvin. But if you hit him up, he gone cop that $8 pack of Bare skins rubbers and drive right past MickieD’s on the way to your house. Understand the game, Ladies. Yes, you have food at your house, but your man doesn’t know that. In his mind, fuck it, I’ll have to starve tonight. It ain’t every day that a dude gets to bounce in some wet springy pussy.

15. Pulling Out Every 2 Minutes

No man wants to nut too quick. GOOD PUSSY will have him pulling out, giving himself pep talks, and stroking super slow just so he can hang. You know your pussy is good when he can’t even look down at it while he’s fuckin’. Because if he does…it’s a wrap.


Has good pussy ever caused you to make bad decisions (I.e. getting her pregnant, loaning large sums of money, etc.)?

Pussy. We all know it’s what makes the world go round, right? That’s just the way it is. It’s the most valuable substance on earth because men want it so bad. Human men are gaga over the pussy. It’s instinct. But it doesn't mean that every guy you meets WANT your pussy, ladies let's be clear.

                                                  

Settling vs Settling Down

In this current day and age, the dating game get's real serious. I had someone tell me today that when you hit around 35 the "settle down" mode kicks in for most men, granted most females will settle down when they feel they have found something worth settling for. One thing about dating is you can end up wasting a lot of time on a few frogs and ugly ducklings before you find your prince charming or Cinderella.

So let me share a few signs that may prove you are ready to settle down:

• When you are ready to listen and compromise on almost anything, from breakfast to money.
• When you no longer feel like you might be missing out on something better.
• You accept all of your partner's flaws unconditionally.
• You're fully prepared to put someone else ahead of yourself.
• When you stop hiding your stretch marks and other so-called "imperfections" because you know your partner loves you anyway.

Now trust me that this list can go on for eternity but these are a few things I have noticed as signs. For some it may be something totally different, like when you feel comfortable passing gas around your boo or if you are comfortable going number 2 in his bathroom. To each it's own 

Now let us keep in mind. There is a BIG difference between SETTLING and SETTLING DOWN ! Oh you probably thought I wouldn't go there huh? Well guess again, you guys know how I do (for those of you who really know me). 

Settling vs Settling Down

Far to often in life people make this mistake of not identifying the two, or failing to realize that there is definitely a difference. I often see a lot of people settle for less than they deserve, I am not one to pass judgment I have settled a time or two in my life. Not one person is perfect. People settle daily, whether w careers, love, family, finances, and so on and so forth. 

Settling in relationships is a dangerous place to be. When you settle in a relationship you potentially fuck up two people’s lives, yours and the person you settled for.

Signs of Settling

• This is the best that I can do
• This is significantly better than my last relationship so I shouldn’t complain
• It’s been a long time since I’ve connected with anybody
• Well, I’m x age and if I don’t make this work I’m going to be to old (this one is quite popular)
• etc, etc,

Signs of Settling Down

• I feel amazing about this
• I feel truly blessed to have this person
• I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this person
• I wake up everyday grateful to have this person next to me
• This is what I truly want

You realize what’s possible. Once you realize what’s possible there’s no going back. So it’s enlightening and terrifying all at the same time. You see that it’s possible to shape your life the way you see fit and anything less is unacceptable.

FAKING IT

How many of us are still out here faking it? Let's be honest now !!!

I am in my thirties and yet I am still out here faking it. And quick to tell someone it was good when it was just okay. I think I have become so prone to faking it throughout my twenties that if by chance it is good, it is all the same. Now if it is great, there is no faking it whatsoever from me, I may shed a little tear, my inner thigh may swell up, or my toes may cramp up like I have gout. (no judgement here ladies and gentleman).

I read somewhere that single women are more inclined to faking it, because they don't feel comfortable enough asking their partner for what they want or how they like it. Sometimes, women fake it so much to make the man feel great about himself; but ladies this is the reality - WE NEED TO BE THE ONE'S FEELING GREAT !!! You can't keep going with the flow like you're into it but not necessarily coming (get it). Are you faking it because you're tired and what it to be over? Raise your hand if you're guilty and been there just like everyone else. I came across an article that read something like, "70% of women do not experience orgasm during intercourse, compared to the vast majority of men (90%) who do!" Honestly speaking it takes time for a women to figure out that magic with their partner to stimulate an orgasm, and if you are in the dating scene and having different sexual partners then sorry girl but you may never figure it out. WHY? Because Michael may pull your hair and you like that, Derrick may slap your ass but not pull your hair and you don't understand why, Kevin may give you long strokes and it works for him and back to Michael being a bunny hopper and sometimes it pleases you. That is why you haven't to be consistent enough to find a rhythm with one partner if possible.

Men often think women have climaxed, if she rolls over afterwards and goes to sleep or just looks restless. WRONG WRONG WRONG !!! Sometimes her ass is tired from all that damn faking, hooping, and hollering she just did making you think you were rocking her world when in fact you probably only boarded the boat and couldn't get it out of the docking station. And truth be told, women don't need to climax in order for the sexual encounter to be great/good but if as a man you can get that woman to that point then KUDOS to you ! To most women orgasm is the frosting on the cake NOT the damn cake, where for men orgasm is the cake and they don't care nothing about the frosting.

Overall, women often fake orgasms to preserve her partner's feelings and often at times the relationship. However after awhile we women have to stop faking it, we are selling ourselves short; so if you like your hair pulled, ass slapped, toes licked etc let that man know, He shouldn't be the only one allowed to growl because he reached his happy ending - you deserve yours too ! ;-)

fake busy

Let's talk about fake busy ... I hate to hear people tell me "I was busy all day and it didn't cross my mind, or I didn't have time" one word for this BULLSHIT ... now mind you there aren't any other words for this besides BULLSHIT !!! 

I am constantly telling folks, "people make time for who and what they want to make time for" case scenario: before I moved down south, I worked a full time job varying from 8-12 hour days, would hit the gym around 5am for a workout, 3 days out the week pick my niece up from daycare if need be, and was a personal trainer during the week and weekends w private clients and teaching boot camp classes and other family and social events with friends. I say that to say this .... in spite of how busy it seems I was I made time for someone who I was quite interested in. He was worth it to me, and I made time out of my busy day(s) to spend time w him, whether it was going out for a drink, having dinner, making dinner, a movie or just watching a football game together. It didn't matter that I had just worked 12 hours and had a 2 hour workout after work and just wanted to shower and go to bed. Even if I went over to his house and laid around and fell asleep I was still spending time with him and that was how I looked at it .... the reality was this ..... in spite of it all I came to realize that I couldn't get half of what I gave in return. But what I did get was a lot of excuses. And when I say a lot I mean so many excuses I could've turned them into a short story of excuses. They ranged from, I am working late, I am working my part time job, I have to spend a little bit of time with my son, my brother wants to hang out later, I need a nap I am tired and so on and so forth. With all my years of back and forth with this person I allowed this to continue on until I realized I was just a bit fed up. I sat back and said "damn I would give this man my last biscuit if he was hungry but yet he wouldn't even split his in half with me if I wanted to taste it"

REPEAT THE ABOVE AGAIN .... NO ONE IS ALWAYS BUSY !!! Even God had time to sit at the round table w his homies and chill ..... with folks it is all about priority and sometimes it is just about convenience. When we drop things and switch our schedules around for folks who wouldn't even cancel an appointment for us, we show that vulnerable side we have towards them and sometimes folks use that kindness for weakness and take full advantage of it. Hard to swallow, hard to accept at times but it is true. We all have had that one person, one friend, one relative (HELL IN MY CASE SEVERAL RELATIVES) who are quick to dial you up for a favor or other things because they can depend on you to make it happen but in the back of your mind you knew if the tables were turned you would be FRESH OUT OF LUCK with them. Sometimes it seems like having a good heart can hurt your heart. We have to figure out who and what is best for us and who and what truly deserves our time and attention. Doesn't mean that we won't make folks a priority when they refuse to make us one, just mean we have to be more aware of the signals early on. There are 24 hours in a day, now minus the hours you work, the hours you are asleep and then you divide the rest up between other activities like the gym, spending time with your children, and other tidbits but damn it the truth of the matter is IF SOMEONE IS IMPORTANT TO YOU then TRUST AND BELIEVE .... TIME WILL BE MADE !!! The time will truly come when you get so fed up with certain folks that you will sit back and analyze all the times you broke plans with your girls, to spend time with a guy who wouldn't even cancel game night with his boys to spend a few hours with you, or the time you was 2 exits from your house and turned around to get food for someone you was involved with which meant you back tracking and wasting gas you know you probably needed for work for the remainder of the week, or just getting home and showering and ready to snuggle in your bed and you get a text or call saying "come over" and you toss on some sweatpants and take the journey to wherever they are! Now if you read this and say to yourself, oh never not me, then please SMACK YOURSELF  because at some point and time we have all been there, some of us are there right now and wondering how the hell we got back to this point. Regardless of which it's been experienced. It's crazy how we can waste so much time on certain people and in the end they prove that they weren't even worth a second of it. I am truly learning daily to be selective with who I invest my time in, wasted time is worse than wasted money. One way to look at is ... "I tried, you didn't, I'm done." Granted it isn't always this cut and dry but do remember the only thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

snippet ....

Seek and ye shall find.
Search and one will see.
Listen and one will hear.

Be still and enjoy the blessings.
Find peace and live in the moments.

Talk less. Listen more.
Observe so you can see.
Be aware of the signs.
Be alert of your thoughts.

Pray more. Worry less.
Forgive and eventually learn to forget.
Leave it behind and move on.

tired of Mr. Right Now

I just know I can't be the only one in the world wondering why I have to kiss so many frogs in this lifetime before one turns into an actual prince ... Have I kissed a frog who was an actual prince but yet he kissed so many toads he has lost his charm?

Have you been on what feels like a million dates, but yet haven't found anyone that you kind of have that "aha  moment" or that spark with? Trust me I know the feeling all too well and it can be discouraging but I am learning the hard truth that if we are willing to accept anyone then we could have a relationship tomorrow. I am learning that realistically finding the right relationship is a numbers game (so if you hate math this may not be good for you). The higher your standards and requirements are, often the smaller number of choices we have to choose from. So let's reconsider what exactly it is we are looking for.

I always think that most simplest things are often the hardest to obtain. I don't think my requirements are so stern that it's hard to meet a man of my standards. I just believe that when I meet these men, they are in relationships, living with their baby mother, trying to make things work for the family, or just trying to have a good time and live life. Not everyone is out here seeking a relationship. So what realistic character must your partner have to meet in order to possibly have a chance with you? Now by NO means am I saying to lower your standards but just make a list of some of the things that are non negotiable, for instance with me something that is non negotiable is a cigarette smoker. I just can't tolerate it whatsoever, but who knows my prince could be out there smoking a Newport as we speak. (sighs)

women and emotions

I wish I knew why women were such emotional beings. Why does our hearts often overpower what we know is right within our minds? Why do we wear our heart on our sleeves? Why can't we easily walk away from what is wrong? What hurts us? What hinders us? What we know is NO good for us?

Why are we such emotional beings? We get so emotionally attached and then by the time our minds kick in our hearts are operating full speed. Then we find ourselves in that difficult situation between choosing what we know is right and what we think feels good. A friend said to me "sex brings emotions" and at first I wanted to debate with her because I am subject to believe differently. But after I thought about it; it holds such partial truth. But that saying applies to women, well women way more than men. It's crazy how you can hate someone's guts and sex can make you forget why you were even mad in the first place. But what if it really isn't the sex but the moments?

Emotions .... I recall people telling me I was heartless for awhile. I was trying to use less emotion and more mentality when it came to people and certain decisions. I was just using my heart LESS that's all. I was able to sit back and see how much our emotions can block things that's right in front of our eyes. Our emotions can make us disregard the necessary. Our emotions can hang us out to dry if we let them. Some fckd up stuff huh .... and people think being a woman is so cool. *side eye*

Why do we wear our hearts on our sleeves? Why is it that people don't appreciate what they have while they have it? Why is that saying "you don't know what you got till its gone" so true?

Let’s face it, no matter what anyone says, men and women are similar, but yet so different.

This thing called life.

Life is crazy. We never know who we're going to meet. We never know how they may or may not impact our lives. It's scary not knowing what lies ahead but it's amazing that not no 2 days are ever the same.

Sometimes I wish we had the ability to determine who we allow to enter our lives and who we don't. Feels like if we were able to do so, we could prevent so many things we try and avoid in life. Heartache, heart break, disappointment, lies, deceit, and so many other things we just don't want. But unfortunately we don't control the plane we are just here for the ride.

It's crazy how the things we often think we want so bad are the things we don't need at all or the things that can often hurt us the most. Reality is the shit we try to avoid is always the shit we need to help us grow. Sucks how pain and suffering can often bring us some of the joyous moments of our lives. Sucks that we have to endure the storm to enjoy the rainbow.

Life is crazy. We never know what to expect... we never know who we may meet, who may change our lives, who's life we may help change. It's scary not knowing what lies ahead but it's amazing that not NO 2 days are EVER the same.

being the other woman.

Women have this power that at times we often sweep under the wrong. It's called intuition. 

in·tu·i·tion
noun
the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.

Sometimes we know what's going to happen before it even occurs, sometimes we can sense when things aren't right before it goes left, and it's a power that we posses and often overlook. Case scenario: meeting someone who seems like a great catch, good company, amazing vibes, seemingly too good to be true, and then BOOM intuition kicks in around the same times feelings begin to develop. Everything your intuition tells you can be factual but often the feelings tell you let it go. We hate confronting the truth and would rather leave it as the unknown. 

Being the other woman ... Is it worth it? Are you settling? Don't you deserve more? Is the competition so strong? Are you happy? Aren't you worth more? Are you satisfied? Are there benefits?

I mean I can write a list of questions and thoughts that many women have in mind, some have even faced, and some are even dealing with today. But let's talk about being the other woman. Being the other woman is a tough situation, point blank period. I don't care how you swing it ~ you can't flip it into a positive even if you tried to. It's really no reason as to why men cheat, sometimes people with the perfect relationship step out on their partners. So let's discuss some realities of being the other woman whether it's good or bad ... 

• you are the dirty little secret ... when you are the other woman, you are often kept under wrap. But hell honestly speaking sometimes when you are the main woman you are kept under wrap and the other woman gets more public display than you do. But often whether it's a boyfriend cheating on his GF or a husband cheating on his wife, you will often be kept hidden and not spoken of. Secret text messages, secret rendezvous, and rules and regulations for you to follow. 

• you deal with loneliness ... when you are the other woman and having a secret relationship you will deal with loneliness. YES it is true you will deal with loneliness, something will always be missing. I mean don't get me wrong it will be plenty of moments of intimacy and cuddling and all that good stuff that makes you feel like #1 but it is never enough honestly speaking to deal with the moments when you want what you can't have. 

• society views .... yes even though the reality of being the other woman is so well known these days you still deal with society and their views of you. "She's a homewrecker"  "She's a slut" etc ... it doesn't end with the name calling and whispers from folks but the truth is you will experience it. 

• THE WAITING GAME .... if you are a person who likes things when you want and how you want it then hunny being the other woman is not your cup of tea. When being the other woman you have to wait for the signal (you know like the bat signal to know when things are a go and when you can plan things and make moves. And just because you make plans doesn't always mean it will happen (please know this for a fact) because you are #2 and #1 will always come before #2. You play the waiting game, you thirst for the moments and time you can get from this man. 

• stolen moments and borrowed time ... and here we go. with being the other woman this is what you deal with. Stolen moments and borrowed time. Often you don't see each other every day and you don't see each other all the time and you work around a certain time schedule. HE can't spend the night when you want him too, so you make the most of whatever time you can get with him while you can. 

• you are not and I repeat you are NOT a priority .... the first few weeks are often filled with bliss. You get the emotional highs of being in love and constantly wanting to be with that person however that stage will end when the reality kicks in. Being the other woman definitely does affect you as a person overall, you can't spend the holidays with him, you can't spend time with him when you want and need him the most, you aren't a priority because you playing in the background. 

Being the other woman is a tough ass situation !!! Oh so you thought this was a walk in the park huh? It's like working a job you hate but you love the benefits you can get. So let's talk about how you DEAL with BEING THE OTHER WOMAN .... 

• face the truth ... YUP face the truth ! When you are in a "situationship" where you are being the other woman you have to face the truth. The truth is YOU ARE THE OTHER WOMAN, you don't come first, and he may not ever leave his girlfriend/wife. 

• other interests ... YUP develop some ! Just because you are the other woman doesn't mean you have to lose yourself and invest all your time into this situationship. As long as you have other interests you aren't always worried about what HE is doing while you are not with him, remember you are the other woman. 

• the vision can't be black and white ... if and when you are the other woman you damn sure can't see the picture in black and white. It will often be a bit cloudy (and not w a chance of meatballs) so the picture is gray for sure. Just because you are the woman doesn't make you a bad person but it is definitely a tough situation to deal with. 

• end it ... sometimes it's always easier said than done, especially depending on how far and how deep things have gotten. You will constantly think about this, you may love him, it may be difficult, you may think it will be awhile before you find someone else but the reality is you don't wanna be the other woman forever. Especially when you know that you deserve better ! When you realize you are worth more than a secret relationship and deserve more, you will dwell more on ending it. 

• don't settle ... settling is never an option I don't care whether it is being the other woman or with the color shoe you buy. If you don't love it and it's not making you happy 100% don't settle. 

• look into the future ... I mean right now the present may be enough to fill a void you may be experiencing but let's think long term. Will there be a future in this for you? Will you ever be number #1? If so then who will replace you as number #2? Will the cycle continue on? Are you the only number #2? I mean let's be honest ... 

Being the other woman definitely isn't a piece of cake or a walk in the damn park, it's hard !!! Just remember, there are ways to deal with being the other woman. Keep a dope support system, it's always needed because sometimes we fail to see what others do, talk about ending it and definitely know and remember that you deserve better. 
So ladies .... have you ever been the other woman???

Long distance relationships

Believe it or not at some point we have all considered it, been there, thought about it or possibly going thru it. We often hear the stories about how long distance relationships will never work out. Or maybe we hear the stories that absence makes the heart grow fonder and time away is much needed for trial and tribulation for a relationship. Me personally, I am not for it but with relocating to North Carolina I have strongly considered it a time or two.

A long distance relationship can either be chicken soup for the soul or poison ivy on the body! When you decide to make that decision with someone you never know what to expect. It can make you love someone so much more or it can help you see what you have been blinded by being so close by. Some say it can be seen as an opportunity, in order to determine whether you want to live together you must first know what it feels like to live apart. It has been said even though I need proof and facts to be a test of your love. There is a Chines saying that goes "real gold is not afraid of the test of fire." Pretty much in terms to a long distance relationship it is seeing the distance as a bond to make you even stronger and NOT pulling you apart.

Now my question is this ... how far is to far? Is there a mileage amount on long distance relationships? How many years have to be vested into a situation before you consider a long distance relationship? If he lives in Rhode Island and I move to California is it worth the try? What if you have only been dating for 8 months and all of a sudden you get a great promotion from your job which you have always wanted ... do you leave or do you stay? We never know what the outcome of a relationship can or will be. For some a long distance relationship can turn into another job, knowing each other schedules, keeping track of activities and social media accounts to stay in touch, etc. But what happens when you see something they post on social media that makes it look like they are having the time of their life without you, then what?

I always think about the time you don't get to spend with each other more than the fact of it bringing you closer together. Sometimes when you have had a bad day at work it feels good to talk about it with your significant other but it feels even better to talk about it with them face to face or over dinner and relax too. I think I focus on the challenges more than anything else. There will be a disconnection there especially if you aren't able to see each other on a monthly basis depending on how far apart you are from each other. The reality is that long distance relationships are about 90% promises. So you are kind of living in a world of hope for awhile until you figure out what will become. Who's going to make the move or the plunge, what happens if you moved away for better and your significant other doesn't want to leave because he feels fine back home? Who's willing to compromise if no one wants to take a step forward and the other doesn't want to take a step back?

Sometimes we are just so afraid to start over elsewhere and so we hold onto something we often foresee not working ... and sometimes we hold on with hopes that it will all work out. It's OK if a long distance relationship isn't for you "it ain't for everybody" (Jay-Z voice) and I say that to say this, if your relationship  breaks under the pressure it's not because of the distance ... HELL in most cases it's not even your fault !!! Sometimes it is just not the right relationship to be fighting for and that is OK. In strengthening yourself, you won't only survive the distance but you will probably be so much better for it. They often say "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and it can indeed fan the flames of your passion, even if it's for yourself and your own future.

No matter how painful it feels at the time, this is an important truth for both of you to know. Recognizing the wrong relationship is a crucial step in finding the right relationship.